


Coffee and Finals

by foreverinfiction



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:51:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 49,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11363493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinfiction/pseuds/foreverinfiction
Summary: Modern/ University AU where Tessa meets Will and Jem while studying for finals in a coffee shop.





	1. An Introduction

Tessa spent her days in a coffee shop just far enough off campus that she wouldn’t be bothered by the panicked other students studying for finals. She ordered her coffee, claimed a bright table next to the window and prepared herself for a long afternoon.

This was Tessa’s favorite place to study. The chairs were comfortable, but not so much that they tempted her into sleep, and the tables were made of a bright, warm wood. The people smiled at her when she smiled at them but no one attempted to disrupt her notes. Windows covered the front and one side of the store so that plenty of light streamed in, and when the sun set, the lamps hanging from the ceiling cast a warm glow. The coffee balanced the strong bitterness of the espresso that she needed to get her work done with a sweet syrup that didn’t make her teeth hurt. It was her oasis in the week leading up to finals.

As an English major, she didn’t have to study quite so much for her American lit final, but she worried over her required biology and chemistry classes. She sighed, took a sip of her coffee, and pulled her laptop and a notebook out of her bag to start reviewing.

Two hours and twenty pages of reorganized notes later, she ran out of coffee and her neck started to hurt. She rolled her shoulders and flexed her fingers. The sun had set a little further and produced a glare on her laptop that made her eyes ache.

Giving up for now, she tucked her laptop back in her bag and pulled out her copy of _A Tale of Two Cities_. Her copy was a gift from her brother when she graduated high school- a rare show of kindness from someone who normally treated her existence as an annoyance- and was a hundred years old. The thin pages fluttered with even the slightest breath and the ink faded such that the introduction held a couple indiscernible words. She loved the familiar smell of the paper and the worn look of the black and gold cover. She stood up and walked up to the counter to order a water, leaving the book on the table and trusting that no one in her oasis would take it.

When she returned, a man stood by her table with her book in his hand. He had black hair and dark eyes and Tessa stood still for a minute and watched him. He wore jeans and a dark brown leather jacket with a white t-shirt underneath that was just tight enough to leave little to her imagination. She walked over to him and set her water down before looking at him and asking, “Can I help you with something?”

The man smiled, “I hate this book. I think Sydney Carton is a miserable character, but I really like your copy.”

She opened her mouth to protest when another man came over to the table. This one wore a simple gray jumper with a blue flannel collar peeking out, and he held two coffees in his hand. His hair was a warm brown with a streak of silver that drew her attention. “William, don’t bother her.” He said, addressing the other man.

“I am deeply offended that you believe I could ever be a nuisance. I am far too charming to be a nuisance.” He flashed a quick smile to Tessa and handed her book back to her. “My apologies, though, if I interrupted your studies.”

She couldn’t help but return his smile, “I was taking a break anyways. Although, I didn’t expect criticism of my favorite book.”

He extended his hand to her, “Will Herondale, and this is Jem.” Jem smiled at her.

“Tessa Gray,” she reached for Will’s hand and he surprised her by lifting it to his mouth and kissing it gently. A blush creeped up her cheeks as she ducked her head, but a sudden rush of bravery made her glance at him. “Would you like to join me and elaborate on exactly why you hate _A Tale of Two Cities_?”

Will’s grin widened and he shared a look with Jem, to which Jem shrugged. “We’d love to.”

And that was the start of a long debate between Tessa and Will punctuated by Jem’s mediation and own commentary. The topic drifted from _A Tale of Two Cities_ to school, and Tessa learned that they were both a year ahead of her.

When Tessa asked Will what his major was, he stated proudly, “English, with an emphasis on poetry.”

Tessa responded, “English without an emphasis right now.”

Jem laughed and it had just a hint of nerves to it, “Undecided, but I have to decide by the end of the semester.”

“What are you deciding between?” Tessa prompted.

Will put his hand over Jem’s mouth, and a wild look crossed his eyes while Jem rolled his eyes, but Tessa could see the fondness Jem had for Will’s crazy antics in his eyes. “What would you guess he’s deciding between? I’m curious.”

Tessa looked at Jem for a minute. His clothes hinted at someone who was organized and thoughtful, but his hair was disheveled. “Something analytic but not too serious, like chemistry or Latin.”

Will laughed and pulled his hand away from Jem’s mouth. “I told you that you look like a chemistry major. I think it’s the hair. What do you think, Tess?”

No one had ever called her Tess before, and it made her heart skip a beat, but she answered Will nonetheless, “I think it’s the sweater instead. It makes you look very professional and mature.”

Jem smiled at her, “Thank you. And I am going back and forth between chemistry and music.”

“You could double-major. Then you could do both.” Tessa suggested.

Will grinned at her, “See, I am not the only one who thinks that. You’re already three-quarters of the way on both.”

Jem nodded and the conversation spun off to families, and Jem teaching her phrases in Mandarin and Will teaching her how to swear in Welsh.

They talked for another hour or so before Will had to go home to finish an essay and Jem had to work early in the morning. “Would you like us to walk you home?” Jem asked sweetly, and she declined because her apartment was only a couple blocks away, but he gave her a hug and Will smiled at her as they walked out of the store.

Tessa picked up her book and turned it over in her hands as if an imprint of Will had been left on it. She flipped through the pages and couldn’t find her bookmark; she frowned, and, turning through the pages more carefully, a slip of paper fell out and onto the table. On it was a phone number above the words “Call me?” and Tessa felt her heartbeat speed up.

Slowly, she put away her things and walked home. Her roommate, Sophie, was engrossed in her notes when she got home, and Tessa gave her a short wave before retreating to her room. After showering and changing into soft flannel pajamas, she crawled into bed and pulled out her phone. Tessa sent a quick text to the number from the paper and waited for a response.

 

* * *

 

Will and Jem walked to their apartment mostly in silence. Together, they were able to afford an apartment about a five-minute walk from campus and on the sixth floor. While Jem unlocked the door, Will’s phone buzzed, and he pulled it out of his pocket so fast he nearly dropped it. Jem gave him a teasing look, and Will snapped, “Shut up, Carstairs.”

They walked into the apartment and Jem turned the lights on. Will looked at his phone, but it was only an email from his professor amending the time for his history final.

Jem laughed at him, “You look like a little kid who wanted a puppy for Christmas and got a hand-me-down pair of socks instead.”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t think she was pretty, James. I noticed you looking at her, too.” Will shot back.

Jem just laughed again, “I thought she was very pretty, William, but I did not give her my number, nor did I leave my heart with her when I walked out of the shop. Don’t pretend you don’t have a crush on her.”

Will huffed, defeated. “I have an essay to finish.”

“You won’t be able to focus, will you?” Jem asked. “Your brain is already over-analyzing everything Tessa said tonight.” It was the first time Will had heard Jem say her name and it sent a flash of desire through him that he didn’t understand. Jem laughed again, “Every thought running through your head is written across your face, and I don’t have any desire to hear about the dirty fantasies you're concocting about her. Go take a shower, William. Stop overthinking.”

Will glared at him, “You really are determined to torture me with this, aren’t you?”

“You haven’t done anything to deny my suspicions.” Jem pointed out. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, Will was left alone with his thoughts of Tessa, and he followed Jem’s advice about taking a shower to clear his head. He left his phone to charge on his nightstand and grabbed a towel from the pile of laundry that he had been neglecting to put away for the past week.

The shower didn’t help. If anything, it made it worse. His mind drifted to her hair and he wondered how it would feel if he ran his fingers through it. He thought about her lips and kissing her and then her neck and leaving marks on her skin. Will shook his head, got out of the shower and headed to bed.

He threw on a pair of sweats and reached for his phone, scrolling through the notifications, a couple tumblr reblogs and a few emails about finals, but nothing from her. He sighed. The finishing touches on his essay would have to wait until the morning, and he set his alarm to wake up earlier. Shutting off the lights, he flopped down onto his unmade bed and laid on his stomach, curling his arm under the pillow to prop up his head. His eyes had barely shut before his phone buzzed and he groaned, reaching for the light of the screen in the darkness of his room.  

He opened the notification and it was a text from Tessa: _Stealing my bookmark was both very clever and very annoying._

Will took a moment just to smile at the message. He sent back: _I will gladly return your bookmark if you agree to a date with me._

He was irrational and sleepy and high on hormones.  Jem’s voice in the back of his head cautioned him to not get his hopes up, and the idea of having to tell his sisters almost discouraged him.

 _You’re holding my bookmark hostage?_ His phone buzzed again, and Will had a moment of doubt.

Nevertheless, he responded: _I will be a perfect gentleman on our date. Promise._

He waited a minute before his phone rang instead of getting a text and he answered it immediately. “Hello,” he said.

Her voice was breathy, as if she was trying to be quiet. “Will, we have finals. When will we have time to go on a date?”

“We could study on our date.” He suggested. “I could help you with English.”

He heard Tessa give a short laugh, “If you help me with English, we will spin off into a debate, and I won’t study at all.”

“Biology, then. Or history. Or whatever non-English exam you want.” He was desperate and hoping, but she hadn’t said no yet.

The line was quiet for a few moments, and Will worried that she had hung up, but she answered, “Maybe our date could be our study break.”

Will felt himself smile, “That would work too.”

“Where would you take me on this date?”

Will paused for a moment. He hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. “It’s a surprise.”

She laughed, “Okay, Will.”

He smiled, “Is that a yes?”

“Yes, but only if you bring me back my bookmark.”

“I can do that,” Will said, and after a pause, “Thank you for saying yes.”

Tessa responded, “Thank you for asking.”

The phone was silent for a few moments before she spoke up, “I should probably go to bed.”

He reluctantly agreed, and they said their goodbyes. Will fell asleep with his phone in his hand and a smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Tessa pulled herself out of bed and wandered into the kitchen to find Sophie already studying and coffee already made. She smiled at Sophie as she poured the cream into her cup, “Did you go to sleep last night?”

Sophie glanced up from her laptop. “Yes?”

Tessa laughed, “Why was that a question?”

“I didn’t really go to bed. I more just took a nap.” Sophie yawned to prove her point. “But I’m okay, really.”

“You need to sleep, Sophie. All this studying will be useless if you are sleep deprived. Lower cognition and all that.” Tessa came over to lean on the island across from Sophie.

“I am aware of that, Tessa. Psych major, remember.”

Tessa smiled at her, “I’m telling you to follow your own advice. You have,” Tessa paused to look at the clock. “three hours until class starts. Go take a nap or take a long shower or watch a movie. Let your brain rest.”

Sophie looked at the clock, looked back at her notes, and then looked ruefully at Tessa. “Okay.” She closed her laptop. “I’m not sleeping because I will worry too much.”

“Then let’s talk. Not about school, just about random stuff.” Tessa paused for a second. “Like how I have a date.”

Sophie grinned, “When did that happen?”

Tessa smiled back. “Last night. We met at the coffee shop.” And Tessa spun off into the story of Will and his love of books and his funny messages.

“Don’t get your hopes too high.” Sophie cautioned, “you sound as if you’ve already fallen in love.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Tessa responded too quickly, and Sophie gave her a look. She took a deep breath, “I’m not in love with him, Sophie, I promise.”

Sophie smiled, “You may not be in love with him, but you love him already, Tess.”

There was a moment of silence as they looked at one another before Tessa sighed. “Why must you be so wise?”

“Because it’s my name. We’ve had this discussion before.” Sophie poked Tessa’s arm. “And you should listen to me. Don’t fall in love with him yet.”

“I won’t, Sophie. I promise. And I do listen to you. Your wisdom got me through that horrid history class. But I have a little wisdom on my own, and that says you need to let yourself sleep.”

Sophie shot her a look, “You know why-”

Tessa cut her short, “Yes, I know why you think it’s better not to sleep. But you look like you’re on the verge of collapsing. Who will tell me not to fall in love with guys if you die from exhaustion?”

Sophie laughed. “Fine. I will shower and take a nap. But only for the sake of your love life.”

Tessa smiled, “Thank you, Sophie.”

Sophie left to take a shower and Tessa pulled out her phone. She scrolled through her messages from Will and smiled. He really was sweet. She dialed his number, waited, deleted the number, and redialed. Taking a deep breath, she pressed call.

The phone rang twice before he picked up. “Hello?”

“Hi, Will?” She asked.

“No. This is Jem. I took Will’s phone away because he needed to finish his essay and was typing messages to you instead. He’s really into you, Tessa.”

“Oh,” she said, a blush creeping into her cheeks. “And do you approve?”

He laughed, “I approve of you very much. I just disapprove of Will’s ability to manage his time.” There was a small commotion and Jem’s voice faded as he spoke away from the phone. “Yes, it is her, William. No, I am not giving you your phone back.” Another pause and Tessa heard an echo of Will’s protests. “Tessa, can Will call you back in an hour?”

She laughed, “Sure.”

“Thank you,” Jem responded. “I appreciate that.” He turned away from the phone again. “You can last an hour, William. Your essay will take you half of that if you focus.”

Tessa smiled. “I’ll wait for his call, then.”

“Have a good day, Tessa.” Jem answered.

“You, too, Jem.”

* * *

 

Will couldn’t focus. Jem sat at the table across the room from him, drinking his coffee and scrolling through his phone. Will glared at the back of his head. Tessa had called, and he should have talked to her, but Jem had stolen his phone.

“I can feel you staring at me, William.” Jem said without turning his head.

“You are a cruel bastard, James Carstairs.” Will said, “Tessa is going to be offended that I didn’t call her right away and then she will retract her acceptance to go on a date with me and then I will be lonely forever.”

Jem turned to look at Will, “She will ‘retract her acceptance’, Will? I know you are an English major, but you don’t need sound like it all the time. You didn’t apply for grad school; you asked a very kind and very understanding girl on a date and she said yes. She is studying for finals too and completely understood that you needed to finish your essay. Not calling her will not cause you to lose her. You showing that you are an incompetent student by not finishing your essay will drive her away. If you want your phone back, you can have it, but your paper, which you’ve had two weeks to write, is due at noon, and I think Tessa would rather you take your half and hour to finish than you failing.”

Will glared at Jem, and Jem stared back. They sat like that for a minute before Will threw his hands up in exasperation. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“I know you do, but it doesn’t make me any less right.”

Will groaned and set himself to finishing his essay. Jem was right. It really did only take him half and hour, and Will didn’t think it was half bad in the end. He passed the essay on to Jem to edit while he refilled both of their coffees. He sat at the table across from Jem and stared at him while he read. He watched Jem type a few comments, and Jem watched Will play with his phone as he typed, deleted, and retyped Tessa’s number.

“William.” Jem said, and Will looked up at him, anxiety and anticipation written all over his face.

“James,” Will returned.

Jem smiled. “Apart from a few missing commas and one sentence that makes sense to your English brain but not my brain, I think it’s pretty good.”

Will’s eyes lit up. “Yes! Then I’ll submit it, and I can call Tessa.”

Jem stood up from the table and laughed, “You should be more excited about actually having a good essay, but I have to go to work. Enjoy your date with Tessa, and don’t forget about your other finals.”

“Thank you, James, for being my voice of reason.” Will smiled at Jem and watched as Jem poured his coffee into a travel mug, slipped his phone into his pocket, grabbed his keys, and walked out the door.

Will dialed Tessa’s number again, took a deep breath, and hit “call”. Each ring made his heart race a little faster. On the fifth ring, Tessa picked up, and her voice was a little breathy as she said “hello.”

Will answered, “Tessa.”

“Did you finish your essay?”

Will grinned, “I did. Jem approved and everything.”

She laughed, “I’m glad to hear that.”

There was another pause in their conversation, and Will spoke up. “Do you have class today?”

“Not today, no.”

Will smile widened, “Then may I take you out on our date this afternoon?”

Tessa hesitated, and Will felt the panic set in. Finally, she answered, “I’d like that.”

“Great! Can we meet at the same coffee shop?”

“Sure,” she responded. Will smiled. “Around three? I have a few things I need to do this morning.”

Beaming, Will stood. “Definitely. I’ll see you at three, then?”

“See you then, Will.” Tessa said, and then she hung up.

Will put his phone down and looked at the clock. It was ten. He had five hours until his date, but he didn’t feel like he could study.  

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing, and he picked it up without hesitation, but the voice on the other end wasn’t Tessa’s.

“What do you want, Ella?” he grumbled.

He heard a sigh on the other end, “I have a layover today by campus, and I thought I’d go see my brother, but I guess I won’t if he’s in a pissy mood.”

The corner of his lip quirked up. As much as he hated to admit it, he really did enjoy when Ella came to visit him. “When is your layover?”

“I just landed, so now? My next flight was canceled and so the soonest I can get out is tomorrow night.”

“So you don’t just want to visit me. You want a place to stay as well?” Will teased.

He could hear her smile on the other end, “I very much would like to see you, Will. But I also would like a place to sleep tonight. Although I can get a hotel if you’re busy.”

“I have a date today,” Will said, and he felt his heart rate pick up again.

“Oh?” Ella laughed. “Then will you be needing your apartment to be free of other women tonight?”

Will shook his head. “No. She isn’t-” he paused. “She’s different. She’s not just a hook-up, Ella. She matters.”

“I would make some comment about how all of your dates matter, but instead I am just happy that you’ve found a good person. What time is your date, William?”

“I’m meeting her at three.”

“I can be back to your apartment before noon. Is that okay, Will? Will Jem mind?”

Will smiled. “He won’t mind, so yeah. That’s fine. I’ll see you at noon, Ella.”

“Thanks, Will,” she said, and hung up.

Will smiled. He definitely wasn’t going to get any studying done today, but he figured he’d just study more tomorrow. After all, Saturdays weren’t too busy at the library. He sent a quick text to Jem letting him know about Ella coming, and he set to cleaning the apartment. Jem usually kept the main area fairly tidy, but Will’s room was a disaster area. He sighed as he got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a day late and is really short, but I'll try to post the next chapter later today. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think.


	3. A Meeting with a Friend

Tessa hung up the phone from talking with Will and smiled to herself. She felt like a middle school girl who just found out that her crush liked her back. Will was sweet, and she was looking forward to their date. She needed to study before that, though. Sighing, she glanced at the time on her phone. Five hours until her date. She would have to leave about twenty minutes before that to get to the coffee shop on time, and about thirty minutes to get ready. So, four hours worth of practical study stime. Tessa sighed again. Her chem final was on Monday and marked the start of finals week, and the voice in her head argued that she could take today off and study tomorrow. Instead of making a decision, she picked up her phone and dialed.

“Hello,” Magnus’ voice rang out from the other end of the line.

Tessa smiled. “Hi. Are you busy now?”

“Nope. Just grabbing a coffee. What’s going on?”

Tessa blushed. “Something happened, and I am needing advice.”

“I am going to need more information than that, love, if I am going to be handing out advice,” Magnus laughed. “What happened? I saw you in class twenty-four hours ago. How did you manage something exciting in that time?”

“I met a guy,” Tessa said. “Last night, when I was studying at the coffee shop on fourth street.”

“And?” Magnus prompted. “Was he hot? Is he gay or taken? Did you have hot, kinky sex with him?”

“No!” she blushed. “He just gave me his number, and I have a date with him this afternoon.”

“That is exciting,” he chuckled. “What advice are you needing? It sounds like you have it figured out.”

Taking a deep breath, Tessa said, “I don’t know what to do with myself. I need to study, but I don’t want to. I have no idea what to wear, and I am nervous. I really like him, Magnus. I haven’t been on a date in ages.”

“And your last boyfriend was crap,” Magnus said.

Tessa protested. “He wasn’t-”

“He was awful. He bored you and didn’t use proper grammar, not to mention he always smelled like cheap cologne.”

“Fine. He was less than stellar, but what do I do about Will?”

Tessa could hear the laughter in Magnus’ voice. “Do you want me to come over? I have class at one, but that’s three hours away.”

“Yes, please, if you don’t mind. I don’t want to interrupt your studying.” Tessa said.

Magnus responded, “I needed a break anyways. I couldn’t focus. I’ll be over in twenty-ish minutes.”

They said their brief goodbyes and as promised, Magnus arrived twenty minutes later. He pressed a latte into Tessa’s hand, and she led him to the couch.

“So…” Magnus started. “Tell me about Will.”

Tessa launched into the story of how she met Will and Jem and how their date had been arranged. Magnus nodded and interjected with risque questions that made Tessa’s cheeks turn bright red.

“Do you at least know where you’re going on your date?” Magnus asked.

Tessa shook her head. “He said it was a surprise, but we’re meeting at the same coffee place.”

“It would be helpful if he told you at least what kind of place it was.”

She shrugged, “I think it’s a little romantic.”

That caused Magnus to raise an eyebrow. “Or it’s creepy because he’s going to kidnap you. Will you text me if you get kidnapped?”

“How am I supposed to text you if I am kidnapped?”

“I don’t know. That’s up to you. You and Sophie watch enough criminal psychology shows to at least have a plan.”

Tessa didn’t mention that her and Sophie had in fact concocted a halfway plan, even though it had happened at a messy drunk party while they joked about guys.

“Stick to jeans, then.” Magnus said. “You can dress that up or down. What about a sweater? That seems like you.”

Tessa nodded and picked out a few options that Magnus went through with her and amended until he found one that was satisfactory. He stayed while they finished their coffees and managed to squeeze in a little bit of productive studying. Sophie emerged from her room looking better than she had that morning, which Tessa didn’t fail to point out to her. Sophie and Magnus left for class at the same time, leaving Tessa to worry over the details for her date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter proved to be really difficult to write, which is why it took so long to post, but I hope you enjoy it. Their date will be the next chapter, but I wanted to introduce the Tessa/Magnus friendship.
> 
> I have written about 10,000 words for this story, but have only covered a fifth of the content I want to, which I am really excited about. My original goal was to make it to 20,000 words, but it looks like I will definitely pass that. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter and the work as a whole.


	4. A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will takes Tessa on their promised date.

Will stood nervously outside of the coffee shop. It was ten till three, and unease seeped through him. He had left the apartment early to avoid Ella’s probing questions and gentle teasing, but he wasn’t sure that was such a good idea now. His rational brain knew that he was too early to be worrying and that she was probably just on her way, but he still worried at the cuffs of his sweater. Much to his dismay, Ella had helped him pick out an outfit. He wore plain blue jeans and a long sleeved gray shirt under his black jacket. Ella claimed it made his eyes look bluer, and he refused to admit that she was right. 

A few times in high school, Ella had offered him advice on how to dress and he had gone out of his way to avoid doing what she said out of spite. The end result had usually been an outrageous outfit that got him strange looks as he walked through the hallway. Since then, he had learned to accept Ella’s advice, but only after a solid attempt at being stubborn. It made Ella laugh every time as she ruffled his hair. “You’ll thank me later, little brother,” she would tease. And Will admitted that he probably looked better than he would have on his own. 

Will pulled out his phone and was disappointed to see that only a minute had passed. This was going to be a long ten minutes. The air around him had turned bitter and the sky threatened snow. Will didn’t mind the cold, and it distracted for a moment as the wind blew back his hair and a few stray snowflakes fell on his eyelashes. He blinked them away and typed a message to Jem:  _ Ella’s at the apartment. I am early for my date and I am freaking myself out.  _

Jem responded only a few seconds later:  _ she’s going to be there, William. She’s a sweet girl, not a malicious cannibalistic duck. You shouldn’t be worried. _

Will smiled to himself. Jem was right. He shouldn’t be freaking himself out. He took a deep breath and calmed himself down. A moment later, he spotted Tessa walking down the street towards him. 

He waved as she got closer and hugged her when she reached him. She smiled at him. “So where are we going on this mysterious date?” 

Will grinned, “I thought I would buy you a coffee and take you to this bookstore I found just a few blocks over.” 

His heart skipped a beat while he waited for her to respond, but he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when she looked at him, a smile in her eyes. “Sounds perfect to me.” 

Grinning, he offered her his arm and led her into the coffee shop. He bought her a coffee and together, they walked out into the cold. 

The walk to the bookstore wasn’t a long one, and they talked about their mornings. Will told her about Ella and how she had teased him about going on a date. Tessa told Will about Sophie’s inability to sleep during finals week and Magnus’ crazy antics. The tension that they both had held before slowly seeped away. They relaxed into the easy conversation and teased one another. 

The bookstore took Tessa’s breath away. Will watched it happened. Her eyes grew wide and she paused for a moment just inside the door. He grinned to himself. Jem and Will had discovered the store a couple months ago, and Will had visited it nearly every weekend since. It was a small used bookstore, so the turnover was fairly slow and had left Will without a new book for the last few weeks, but Will was never disappointed. It was his little oasis away from campus. His family home was a large white house filled with too many bedrooms and windows that let in too much light, and although he had loved being with Ella and Cecily, the house was always too big and too empty. 

This bookstore was full of character and emotion. The walls had been repainted several times and there was a sort of organized chaos to it. The system for sorting books clearly existed, but he had yet to figure it out. The books piled over the shelves, but remained in neat stacks, and Will had spent hours wandering through the aisles. On the far side of the store was the music section. Boxes on tables replaced shelves, and everything from cassette tapes to records to old mp3 players filled with music filled the boxes. 

While Will searched through the books, Jem spent just as much time filtering through the sheet music in the corner. One box held newly printed pieces still sealed in plastic, which Jem ruffled through every now and again. Instead, he preferred going through the other boxes, the ones with only a page or two of a larger piece tangled in with a multitude of others. It was Jem’s favorite. He told Will it was like seeing a glimpse of a person’s life, only enough to get a feeling for it before you moved onto the next, like watching people walk through the city. Will had teased Jem about becoming a poetry major after that, and he never quite understood why Jem found that appealing. Will needed the books, following someone’s life in detail for a longer span of time with a clear conclusion. He couldn’t imagine enjoying something with such a lack of closure. 

Tessa’s small gasp brought Will out of his reverie. He smiled at her. “Am I forgiven for stealing your bookmark?”

“Mostly.” She said, grinning at him. She nudged her shoulder against him. “This is definitely a good start to forgiveness.”

Will laughed and pulled her further into the store. “If there’s an organization here, I haven’t figured it out, but it’s nice to just wander through.”

Tessa nodded and picked a book up off the shelf. Turning to a random page, with her arm still looped through his, she read: “The small woman stood in the kitchen, grabbing a baseball bat, and praying the man from Canada would not come tonight.”

They shared a look with each other for a moment before they both broke apart laughing. Tessa set the book back down, and Will handed her her coffee. “Why on earth,” he asked, “is she worried about the Canadian?”

“I have no idea, but that was oddly specific.” Tessa grinned. “That might have been the strangest sentence I have ever read.”

“I bet I could find a stranger one,” Will challenged, and Tessa dared him to try, which spun off into the two of them meandering through the shelves and searching through bizarre books. 

Will pulled one off the shelf. “Listen to this, Tess. ‘His cold hair brushed across my chin, and that was when I knew, it was a vampire that I loved.’” 

Tessa laughed, and came to stand beside Will, reading over his shoulder. “Now I want to know the backstory. Why is his hair the determining factor for him being a vampire?”

Will leaned into her slightly, enough for it to be accidental if she leaned away, but enough to also seem intentional. “I’ll buy it for you.” He said. “It could be a good mental break from studying, you know, when I’m not around to charm you with my wit.”

Tessa leaned into him, and he smiled. “I’ll buy you one too, then, for when your wit runs out.” She nudged him again, and they spent another hour trying to find a book for Will. They settled upon one whose cover proclaimed a food-murder pun so horrible that even Magnus would have cringed. By the time they left the store, the sun was beginning to set, their coffee had run out, and the snow had begun to fall in significant amounts. 

Tessa leaned her head on Will’s shoulder as they stood outside the store for a moment. Will took a deep breath. “I have a proposition.”

She pulled away to look at him. “What’s that?”

“I know I have taken away a large portion of your study time away already and finals start in four days, but can I buy you dinner? There’s a place on the way back to the apartments that Jem and I go to to get soup. They have all kinds of soups, or if you don’t like that, we can find someplace else.” He was starting to ramble, but she just listened patiently and smiled at him. 

“Soup sounds wonderful,” she said. 

Will’s heart raced. “Is that a yes?”

Tessa pressed a kiss to his cheek and wrapped her arm back through his. “Yes, Will. It’s definitely a yes.”

Together, they walked the block to the soup place that Will promised. Jem had been the one to find it. It was a big, industrial-styled casual place that sold any kind of soup, from hot and sour to chicken and dumpling to some fancy soup that Will couldn’t even begin to pronounce. They ordered and found a seat next to the window where they could watch the snow and the people as they hurried past. 

“How did you find all of these places?” Tessa asked. “They’re both amazing, and only a couple blocks from campus.”

Will grinned, “Jem and I both don’t like staying in on the weekends, but we also don’t like the campus parties and bars, so we started exploring the city every weekend instead. For the past year, we’ve tried to find a new place every week, but these two have been the consistent ones we keep coming back to.”

Tessa nodded. “That’s a brilliant idea.”

“Maybe you could come with us on our next adventure,” Will said before he thought about it. She paused and he worried. That was a strange thing, wasn’t it? To ask a girl to join you and your best friend for your second date? But she didn’t flinch or grimace or run away. Instead she smiled and agreed because yes, Jem seemed like a really nice person, and she had found it endearing that Jem had acted as a parent to Will.

The memory of the morning colored Will’s cheeks for a moment, “I promise I am a good student. I just dread that class, and I hated the essay I was writing.”

That made her laugh. “Oh? Which class is it for?”

Their conversation drifted to classes as they finished their food, and then it was time for them both to go home because Magnus and Ella had texted them to make sure they were both still alive. 

Will walked Tessa the extra couple blocks past his apartment to hers, and paused outside of the door. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled her bookmark out and handed it to her. She laughed, and it made him smile. “I promised I would return your bookmark.”

“You did,” she said. “And I appreciate both the bookmark and the date. I had a lot of fun. It was nice to not study for a while.”

Will’s heart raced as gathered his courage. He pulled a scrap of paper covered in scribbles of poetry out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her. She looked at him with a question in her eyes. “My bookmark,” he said. “In case you want another date, you can hold my bookmark hostage.”

She smiled at him, a genuine honest smile. It wasn’t one that came because he said something funny or impressive, but instead it was one that made him feel like she was appreciating him. She put the bookmark in her pocket and draped her arms across his shoulders. “I think there will be a lot of dates in our future,” she whispered. And then she closed the space between them, and they were kissing. It was a simple kiss, long and breathtaking, but sweet. It wasn’t sexual and promising of other late night activities like all of Will’s other dates. It was simply romantic and made his head spin. She pulled away first and kissed him once on his cheek before telling him goodnight and heading up the stairs to her apartment.

Will walked home, grinning, with the taste of her still on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter more than the last one. It took longer than I expected to edit, but it's up now. 
> 
> Finding the most random sentences in a bookstore is a game that friends and I play, and I thought it would be a really cute first date for them. I also really like the idea of Will being nervous before his date and worrying about losing Tessa, not in a possessive way, but just in a this-person-is-really-nice way. I tried to tie Jem into their date in order to make connections for later parts of the story.
> 
> My thought process for Will enjoying the bookstore as the opposite of his family house parallels my idea for Tessa loving the coffee shop. Growing up, Tessa would have been with her aunt and Nate, neither of whom would have been outwardly comforting or welcoming to her, which juxtaposes the coffee shop. Coffee shops, in my opinion, are usually warm and inviting, which would have appealed to Tessa. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter. I'll post the next one soon.


	5. The Weekend Before Finals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa meets Will and Jem to study the night before finals start.

The weekend before finals was hell. Jem dreaded Monday and dragged his feet around as if that could prolong the day. Monday held his chem and calc finals, and the very thought of that filled him with panic. Although he had been reviewing for the past three weeks, he still felt like he needed to review everything twice over. He spent the morning and afternoon hunched over his desk, and his back ached. Standing up to stretch, he turned to look out of his window and startled himself to see his reflection in the dark window. The sun set outside, and Jem picked up his books, leaving his room to study in the kitchen where he found Will trying to balance spoons on his face.

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

Will placed another spoon on his cheek before responding. “Waiting for coffee to finish and trying not to fall asleep.”

“Okay,” Jem said, smiling. “Did you realize that the coffee finished when I walked in here?”

Standing up straight and leaving the spoons to clatter on the floor, Will poured the coffee into his mug. Jem laughed and Will glared over the rim of his mug. “Don’t glare at me, Herondale,” he said. “You’re the one who just left all of our cutlery on the floor.”

“Shut up, Carstairs,” Will said. “I’m tired of studying but I still have three more hours of it for tonight.”

Jem glanced at his watch. “It’s six. That means you’ll be done by nine. I don’t understand why you’re complaining.” 

“And do you have more than that? You’ve been studying for the past month. Why are you worried?”

Jem poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot that was still pretty much full. “Bloody hell, Will. How much coffee did you make?”

“Not enough,” Will quipped before he turned serious. “Why are you worried?”

Jem shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Rationally, I know I’m ready. But I don’t feel like it, and I am worried about my scholarship. If I crash during my chem final, my GPA is going to drop and threaten my scholarship.”

Will looked at him for a long moment. “You don’t need your scholarship, James. Your parents have enough money.”

Jem paused for a moment, “I know. I know I don’t have to worry about paying for school, but it would send my parents into debt, and I want it to be my money. I want to say that I put myself through college, and the only way that’s possible is if I keep this scholarship.”

“What’s your GPA, James?”

Jem hesitated, “3.8.”

Will choked on his coffee. “Bloody hell. Don’t you just need a 3.5 for your scholarship? Why the hell are you worried? You kick ass in school.”

Jem sighed, “I don’t know. I’ll be okay. I just hate finals week. Too much stress.”

Will grinned at him, but before he could respond, Will’s phone rang, and he picked it up with an apologetic shrug to Jem. Jem waved him away and open his textbook.

“Hey, Tess.” Will said, and Jem looked up.  _ If he smiles any more _ , Jem thought,  _ he’s going to hurt himself _ . 

Jem shook his head and put his headphones on. He got through two pages before Will tapped him. “Tessa is coming over.”

Jem nodded. “Do you need me to leave?”

“Why do you and Ella both assume that’s what I’m doing?” Will threw his hands up dramatically. 

“Because we’re usually right.” Jem countered. “If you’re having a date, then I can leave, Will. It’s not a big deal.”

“No,” Will responded. “It’s not a date. Just studying.”

“Okay,” Jem said. And then he helped Will pick up their apartment. Will had spread his books all over the couch and coffee table, which Jem raised an eyebrow at but Will ignored. Within the hour, the apartment could at least pass as clean, pizza had been ordered, and Tessa was knocking at the door. Will let her in and kissed her. She blushed and gave a shy “hello” to Jem. 

Jem smiled back at her, and she shrugged off her bag. Tessa looked very different from when he had met her at the coffee shop. Then, she wore a neat sweater and jeans with a pair of battered black converse. Now, she was wrapped in an oversized hoodie and yoga pants that were only a step away from pajamas with a pair of boots that could have passed for slippers. He got distracted by a piece of hair that had fallen out of place where she had tied it back. The stress of finals showed in her tired expression, but she smiled at him nonetheless, and she tucked herself in next to Will on the sofa. Jem sat across from them in a chair that Will’s sister had given Will when she moved from campus to another city. 

The first two hours of studying were very productive. They ate pizza and kept to themselves, and Will and Tessa held hands as they read. Will pouted when Tessa pulled her hand away, but she kissed his cheek and stated that she needed her hand back to use her laptop. 

Jem helped Tessa review for her introductory chem class. “One O-H group?” he asked. 

She responded quickly. “Alcohol.”

“I’m going to need some alcohol if you two keep spouting off chemistry,” Will interjected. 

Tessa shoved his shoulder and Jem laughed. “Unless you are suddenly old enough to purchase alcohol, that isn’t an option. And you’ve had too much coffee today to use that as a coping mechanism.”

Will sighed dramatically and flipped absentmindedly through his notes. He had finished reviewing what he needed to and probably needed to go to bed, but he wanted to delay leaving Tessa as long as possible, so he just relaxed and held her hand while her and Jem traded their flashcards back and forth and helped each other studied. With their constant voices as a comfort, he felt himself slowly falling asleep. 

The next thing he knew, Tessa was nudging him awake. He stood up and stretched, his mind still groggy. “What time is it?” he asked.  

Tessa kissed his cheek. “Nearly ten. I need to head home or Sophie will worry.”

Will nodded and walked her to the door. He kissed her goodnight, and she promised to text when she made it home. Jem waved at her as she walked out the door. 

When Will turned around, Jem was grinning at him. “What?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” Jem said. “I like her. She’s good for you.”

Will smiled, “I know. Goodnight, Jem. You should get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Will,” Jem said, closing his notebook carefully. 

Will crawled into bed and fell asleep with a smile on his face, the worry of finals still present, but calmed by having Tessa there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a month since I've updated this, but things I have been crazy. I have the next chapter written, and so it's just down to editing, so it will be up soon. 
> 
> I wrote in Jem worrying over his scholarship as a sort of in between of Tessa and Will. I imagine Will would have his school relatively well covered by his family, and his only need for money would be for day-to-day expenses. I believe Tessa would be on the other side of the spectrum, with her aunt not being able to afford her going to school and Tessa having to make it from piecing together a variety of scholarships and loans. I think Jem would be able to afford school, but it would require some finagling from his parents. I could see him negotiating with them, something like "I'll pay for half if you can do half." 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think of this chapter.


	6. The Weekend After Finals (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Jem talk about plans over break.

The day after finals ended, Tessa slept in until two in the afternoon. When she finally dragged herself out of bed, she found a note from Sophie on the fridge saying that she had gone home for break and that she hoped Tessa enjoyed her own break. Tessa smiled, grabbed a scone from the pantry, and poured herself a cup of coffee as she clicked on the TV. Tessa absently flipped through the channels and finally settled on a movie to watch. 

Her mind felt drained after finals as if all of her words had been used scribbling essays and filling in bubbles, and she enjoyed having a break to rest. Snow had covered campus over finals week, and most of it had melted but a few inches remained outside as more started to fall. Curled up with a warm blanket around her shoulders and her coffee in her hands, Tessa contented herself with having a quiet day. 

Three movies and four scones (because Tessa couldn’t bring herself to put the effort into making actual food) later, she dragged herself to bed and curled up in her blankets. She was asleep even before her head hit the pillow.

* * *

 

Will spent the next morning packing to spend break back at home with his family, and Jem sat around and reminded him to bring the practical things Will kept missing.

“You’re going to need toothpaste,” Jem said after Will had spent an hour claiming that he had everything under control and he was perfectly capable of packing himself. 

Will stared at Jem, “Are you accusing me of not packing toothpaste?”

Jem smiled back at him, “I am not accusing you of anything, William. I was simply reminding you that toothpaste is a general necessity for travel. Did you pack it?”

Will didn’t answer. Instead, he stood and mumbled incoherent words that Jem was pretty sure would have earned him a stern look from his mother. Jem shook his head and got up to refill his coffee. When Will returned, he leaned against the island and faced Jem. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me, James?” Will asked. And there were hidden questions behind it. It wasn’t the first Christmas Jem had spent alone. His parents had died when he was young, and he grew up with his uncle who Jem labeled as a satisfactory guardian. He did what was required of him: he kept Jem healthy and happy, but he wasn’t anything exceptional, and the past few years, he had spent Christmas traveling with his new wife. It wasn’t that Jem wasn’t invited, but he preferred to remain at home. 

Last year, Will and Jem had an impromptu Christmas the night before Will left for his family. It had been a bit of a chaotic mess as they bought a tree from the campus storeroom that had been abandoned for good reasons; only every third light worked and it smelled so strongly of vanilla cigarettes that they had thrown it out the morning that Will left. It had been one of Jem’s favorite memories of college. They had drunk hot chocolate and coffee and made pancakes while marathoning Christmas movies. Will had gotten Jem sheet music from the small used book/music store a few blocks from their apartment, and Jem had given Will a book that was so old the title had worn off. It was their temporary paradise, but they enjoyed it while it lasted. 

Jem shook his head to Will’s question. Will’s family would have gladly accepted him into their activities, and his sisters had each extended their own invitations to him, but Jem felt more like staying at home. “I’m sure,” he told Will. “Have you talked to Tessa?”

Will’s posture immediately changed. The corner of his mouth quirked up at Tessa’s name, and his cheeks were just slightly pinker than they had been a second ago. “Yeah, I talked to her this morning. We’re going to meet up at her place later,” Will said, and then paused. “She told me that Sophie had already left so her apartment would be empty.”

Jem smiled. “Sounds like you’re in for a fun afternoon.” Will blushed, which made Jem smirk. “Isn’t that how it usually goes, Will? You seduce a girl for a couple weeks and then have your way with her?” This time Will grimaced, which made Jem’s smile falter. “What?”

“It’s not like that with her.” Will said. “I don’t know why. Because, yes, most of the time that’s how it works, but I don’t want that with her. I’m not just in it for the sex. I want this to last, so if that’s what she is offering today, I would be more than thrilled, but I also am just happy to be with her and read on the couch.” 

Jem’s smile returned. “Then I’m happy for you, William. And I hope you have a good afternoon. What time is your flight?”

“At eight. I’ll be back here by five.” Will answered. 

“Then I’ll see you when you get back, and in the meantime, I am going back to bed.”

Will laughed, and teased him, but headed out the door only a few minutes after Jem had retreated to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short because my laptop is dying and my charger is at home, but I wanted to post at least some of it. Let me know what you think.


	7. The Weekend After Finals (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Tessa meet up before Will leaves for break.

Tessa’s apartment was impeccably clean and cozy. Jem and Will’s apartment was generally tidy but Will’s oversized furniture and Jem’s predilection for bright colors left a combination that would make most designers cringe, but Tessa and Sophie had neutral furniture with colored accents that made their apartment seem so much more put together. It struck Will as strange. He had known Tessa for only a few weeks, and yet he could recognize the touches she had put into the room: the blue throw blanket on the sofa, the books on the coffee table, the gray dishes stacked neatly to dry next to the sink. The past few weeks, he had told himself that Tessa was different than the other girls he had dated, but this wasn’t just a new feeling. This was stronger, and Will pulled Tessa into his arms as soon as she let him in. 

Tessa returned his hug and pressed her lips to his cheek. “I know I saw you last weekend, but I missed you.”

Will hugged her tighter and kissed her forehead, “I missed you, too, Tess.”

“Sophie isn’t here,” Tessa whispered, and Will felt a thrill go through his body, but he forced himself to calm down. 

“Is that an invitation?” Will pulled back slightly to raise his eyebrows at her, which made Tessa giggle. 

She pushed him back a little bit further and smiled. “Sort of. I thought we could just be together before break. Maybe watch a movie and drink some tea and see where things go?” She blushed slightly towards the end.

Grinning, Will laced his fingers with hers. “Whatever you prefer. You hold all the cards here.”

Tessa bit her lip slightly, and Will watched the play of emotions in her eyes: nervousness, excitement, desire, and then something softer that he couldn’t place. Slowly, he saw the decision come. “Tea first,” she said. 

Will nodded, and she pulled him into the kitchen where he sat patiently at the island and watched her work carefully to put the kettle on and pick out two mugs. “How do you feel about Hemingway?” Tessa asked. 

“Personally,” Will started, “as in how he was outside of writing, I think he was a total bastard. I can appreciate his style of writing, although I much prefer Woolf.” 

Tessa prompted him further. “Why Woolf? Why not someone more like Shelley or Nabokov. I’ll give you that Woolf had some good essays, but Shelley and Nabokov wove words together better.” 

They spun off into debating the merits of the different literary movements as they drank their tea in the kitchen. Will quoted a bit of poetry that Tessa didn’t believe had been written by who Will had claimed it was, and she moved to the couch to retrieve her laptop. Will followed her and stood by her as she googled. He placed a hand on the small of her back and looked over her shoulder. She smiled at him triumphantly. 

“I guess I was wrong,” Will said. 

Tessa set her laptop down and turned to face him. It put the two of them very close, which both made Will very nervous and excited. “What could I give you as a prize?” he asked. 

Looping her arms around his neck, she responded, “just a kiss.”

“Just one?” Will teased. “I suppose that’s fair.”

Tessa giggled as Will closed the distance between them. He started out gently, first with just one kiss and then followed by other equally as chaste kissed. Sighing quietly into his mouth, Tessa ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of Will’s neck, and he moved his hands to hold her waist. Tessa moved one hand down to the hem of Will’s shirt and slipped her fingers underneath to lay against his stomach. Will groaned slightly, and Tessa took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, turning her head and pulling him closer. 

It was the spark that ignited a fire. Will moved to pull Tessa onto the couch, but she stopped the kiss without losing any of the distance. Her breath was coming in gasps, and she kept her eyes closed as she spoke. “Do you maybe want to…” she trailed off, but Will didn’t fill in the invitation. He waited for her to offer. Usually, he would have initiated that much sooner, but he wanted Tessa to be the one to call the shots. He wanted her to make the decisions, and he would follow. Her eyes stayed closed, and Will placed his hand on her cheek. Leaning into it, she took a deep breath but didn’t say anything.

“Whatever you want, Tessa,” he said. 

She kissed him once quickly and then the words poured out of her. “Do you want to come back to my bed? I know we haven’t known each other long, and I am not sure that sex is what I’m offering right now, but my bed is more comfortable than the couch, if we’re continuing this.”

Will pulled her in closer to him, “I would love to go to bed with you, if that’s what you want. But I also am content to just be with you. You make the decision here.”

Tessa considered him for a moment; her eyes met his and he returned her gaze. Then she grabbed his hand and led him down the hallway to a small room on the left. Tessa’s room was just as impeccably Tessa as the apartment was. A soft gray comforter covered her bed with a collection of pillows neatly lined up on top of it. She had a small desk and bookshelf tucked into a corner, and a small TV balanced on top of a dresser. Will stopped for a moment just took look around. Tessa stood a few feet away from him and bit her lip. 

Smiling, Will walked over to her. He wanted to say he loved her. He felt it somewhere deep inside of him that it was something he desperately needed to say, but this wasn’t the time for it. He’d only known her a couple weeks, and even though he felt this way, he wasn’t sure she did as well. He pushed the crazy and irrational thought down and kissed her instead. 

Tessa responded by tangling her fingers in his hair and pulling him down onto the bed. He ended up balancing on top of her, and somehow, he wasn’t sure which of them initiated it, the kiss turned deeper. His tongue was in her mouth and his hips were pressing into her as she gasped. Slowly, he relaxed and let her lead.

* * *

 

They spent the afternoon in bed. Some clothes had been removed, but Tessa had called stop before anything could happen. Will found that he wasn’t disappointed. Although his body protested that sex was exactly what he needed, he didn’t feel sad about it not happening now with Tessa. It was simply enough to be with her.

His shirt had come off and was lying somewhere on her floor, and Tessa was in her panties and a tank top. They had drunk tea in her bed and watched movies while tangled with each other. It seemed perfect, and Will held Tessa closer as the clock drew nearer to the time he needed to leave. 

“I have to go in an hour,” he murmured into her hair as they lay sleepily together. 

She looked up at him and smirked. “Then I guess we should make the last hour exciting.”

“Oh?” he smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

The end result was Tessa pressed beneath his body and her hips grinding against his as he kissed his way down her neck and left a dark purple mark on her collarbone, where she could easily hide it. She gasped and arched into him, weaving her fingers into his hair. Will groaned as she pushed her hips up to meet him, and Tessa pulled him back in for a kiss. 

They spent their last hour kissing and touching and breathing each other’s air until clothes eventually had to be pulled back on. Tessa walked Will to the door as he put his jacket and shoes on. 

“I’m going to miss you,” Will said, kissing Tessa one last time. 

She smiled at him, “I’m going to miss you, too, but you can call me anytime you want. Enjoy your time with your family, Will.”

He kissed her again before walking home, a smile on his face the whole way. 


	8. An Accidental Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem and Tessa meet over break.

As much as Jem enjoyed being with Will, he was happy to have a break. It wasn’t that he was angry at Will; he simply needed some time to just be by himself. The first three days of break after Will left, Jem went from one pair of pajamas to another and lived on coffee and takeout because he hadn’t felt like putting on shoes. His brain was utterly exhausted and he had no energy; however, by the fourth day, he ran out of cream for his coffee and was growing tired of takeout. The next morning, he showered and pulled on some jeans and a hoodie before grabbing one of Will’s books from the shelf in their living room and going to go get coffee and some basic groceries so that he could at least survive for the next few days.

At the coffee shop, he ordered a simple latte and sat down at a table in the corner. He didn’t particularly love reading the way that Will did. Will wrapped himself in characters until he couldn’t breathe and became so enthralled in the plot that sometimes Jem worried the paper and ink would take him to live in a fantasy world. Tessa read differently, Jem had learned from Will's stories of her. Will was consumed by the characters, but Tessa interacted with them. Will would go hours without moving, almost too captured by the novel to breathe. Instead, Tessa made faces and sighed and murmured comments under her breath. On the night when she had come over to study, Jem had caught her with some comment, and Tessa had gone off about how the protagonist was a metaphor for capitalism that she had found unfair. He got a little lost in her lexicon, but he followed her emotions. She made a point, then paused and retracted her argument, replaced it with a better one, and then kept going. By the time she had finished, Jem felt like she had written a doctoral thesis, and she apologized briefly to him for rambling, but Jem had assured her it was fine. She smiled at him and then returned to reading.

For Jem, reading was a past time. He could enjoy any book, unlike Will and Tessa who either loved what they read or dismissed it. Jem read novels like his parents read the newspaper. It was a window into the world that he could look through and then walk away from. Someone else’s problems that he spectated for a while before leaving them to be resolved by someone else. He had enough problems on his own.

Jem opened the book he had grabbed from Will’s shelf. It was one that Will had tossed aside after a couple chapters claiming it was too simple, but simple was all Jem’s brain could handle today, so Jem settled in for a quiet afternoon.

* * *

 

About an hour later, Jem looked up as someone approached his table. Surprise ran through him as he realized it was Tessa. He had assumed she had gone home for break, but she instead smiled shyly in front of him. “Mind if I join you?” she asked.

“Not at all,” he said, and she sat across from him, setting down her coffee and a book. “I thought you went home for break.”

Tessa shook her head. “Flights are expensive, and I didn’t need the drama of my brother and aunt. This is more of a home for me than with my family. What about you? Why are you staying, Jem?”

“Same as you, sort of. My parents are out of town for the holidays, and I would rather be here. I went home with Will last year because my parents were traveling, and they were very welcoming, but it still was strange. And I just needed a break.”

Nodding, Tessa smiled at him. “So you’re just hanging out here for break?”

“Pretty much,” he returned her smile. “The past few days, I did nothing. Just showered, ate and slept, but I needed to get out today, and I ran out of food in the apartment.”

She laughed, “I need to go shopping, too. Can I join you?”

“Sure,” Jem said. “I might stay here for a while and try to finish the book I stole from Will, but I’ll probably leave in an hour or so.”

Tessa nodded. “Sounds like a great plan.”

And just like that, they settled into a comfortable silence. Jem opened his book again, and she took a sip of her coffee and began to read.

Jem finished another chapter in his book before Tessa made a little sigh of exasperation. He looked up at her, but she just turned the page. He watched her read for a few minutes, just drinking his coffee. The afternoon sun highlighted the gold in her hair and softened her face. She was so expressive, he thought. He watched her nose crinkle, and her lips quirk up in a smirk like she had a prediction proven right. When she sighed a second time, he smiled, and she looked up.

“What?” she asked, blushing.

He just shook his head. “You’re very expressive when you read,” he said. “It’s fascinating to watch.”

She smiled at him. “You’re expressive when you study,” she responded. “That night, I could see everything you were thinking: the frustration when you got a problem wrong, the confusion when you didn’t get something, the triumph when you finally figured it out.”

“Oh?” he asked. “Did you take notes on me?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “Only a few. I’m sure Will has more than I do.”

The conversation drifted to Will, and Jem told her about Will’s family. They talked for a while longer until the sun began to set, and Tessa said that they should head to the store.

Shopping with Tessa was a different experience. Efficiency, Jem decided, was the difference between shopping with Tessa and shopping with Will. Will acted like a four year old without parents in the store, adding in random items to the cart without any consideration for practicality. Tessa had specific recipes she was shopping for. If neither of them had anything they needed from an aisle, they didn’t go down it. And she considered her choices carefully. If she decided to get something that wasn’t on her list, she swapped it with something on the list, or she justified it to him.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Jem asked when they walked down the vegetable aisle.

Tessa looked up at him. “I don’t have anything planned. Why?”

“I was thinking about making dumplings, but the recipe I have, even though I’ve cut it down multiple times, makes enough for a small army. It’s just my parents and I at home, but my mother cooks for ten.”

She smiled at him. “Dumplings sounds good. I could make brownies.”

“Dumplings and brownies it is then,” Jem said.

They finished their shopping, and Jem walked her home before returning to his own apartment. He put away his groceries slowly, separating larger family packs of things into individual bags he could freeze. After that was done, he made himself some tea and called Will.

“Hello?” Will answered.

“Hey,” Jem said. “How’s your break?”

Will laughed. “Crazy, as usual. Cecily is pestering me about school and asking me to read through her applications. Ella has a fiance who we went to dinner with, and I don’t really like her, but Ella does. My mother is pestering me about Tessa, so it’s been chaos. I am currently hiding in my room.”

Jem laughed. “I met Tessa again, at the coffee shop. She agreed to come over tomorrow and make dumplings.”

“I’m jealous,” Will said, and for the first time, today’s activities struck Jem as odd. Tessa was Will’s girlfriend and they were hanging out when Will wasn’t there, but Jem shook his head. He wasn’t interested in Tessa that way. He began to apologize, but Will interrupted. “Why must I listen to Cecily’s complaining tomorrow? I want to make dumplings with you.”

Jem laughed. “You’re terrible at making dumplings. Things catch fire when you cook”

“I am better at cooking than I am at dealing with my family,” Will said. Then the line went quiet for a second, and Jem heard Will turn away. “I’ll be down in a minute, Ella,” he said away from the phone before speaking to Jem again. “I have been found out, but I’ll talk to you later. Enjoy your dumplings tomorrow.”

Jem said his goodbye and hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that earlier in the story I had a discontinuity where I said Jem lived with his uncle versus his parents. I am deciding to go with the parents storyline instead, which I put in this chapter. Sorry for the confusion.


	9. An Afternoon of Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem and Tessa get together to cook and spend the afternoon together.

Cooking dumplings with Tessa was an exciting experience. She came over in the early afternoon and helped him fumble through the recipe he had from his mother. They burned the first batch so badly he had ended up calling his mother and asking for help. 

“Hi, Mama,” he said, and then switched from English to Mandarin, which Tessa raised her eyebrows at. She sat across the island from him, and he stood next to the burned dumplings. His mother coached him through what to do and he took notes, half in English and half in Mandarin. Tessa pulled away the notecard when he stopped writing and examined it, running her fingers over the scrawled symbols. 

When he hung up, Tessa looked up at him. “I like listening to you switch languages,” she said. “It’s like a puzzle, trying to use the little bits of English to figure out the Mandarin.” 

Jem smiled at her. “When I took Mandarin in high school, it frustrated my teacher endlessly. I filled in words in English when I couldn’t think of the Mandarin, and he hated it. He said it ruined the beauty of the language.”

Tessa shook her head, “I don’t think so. I think it sounds beautiful either way. What did your mother say?”

Jem came over to stand next to her and pointed at the symbols on the notecard. “We waited too long to put the dumplings in, so the oil was too hot, which was the main thing. And then I missed a couple spices for the mix.”

“What does this one mean?” Tessa asked, pointing to a small series of characters in the corner. 

Jem smiled. “My father is in trouble because he used all the coffee yesterday, so my mom couldn’t have any today, and she was angry at him, and so I made a note to send them coffee for Christmas.”

“I’d like that,” Tessa said. “Where my biggest fight with my husband is over coffee.”

“You might have that with Will,” Jem laughed. “He drinks an obscene amount of coffee and then is surprised when he runs out.”

“And will you send us coffee for Christmas when I tell you that he’s drunk all the coffee?” Tessa said. 

Jem responded, “of course,” before he had time to process that. Tessa had incorporated him seamlessly into her future with Will. She wasn’t making a claim to Will only, instead she was claiming Jem as a friend of her own who she saw staying with her in the future. 

“You said your parents were traveling over break. Where are they?” Tessa asked. 

“Germany, I think.” Jem said. “They’re diplomats on smaller matters, but they choose to travel more than just staying in one place. They were in Italy last week, and they offered for me to go out there with them.”

“Why didn’t you?” Tessa asked. She was genuinely curious, which surprised Jem. Normally, he would have given a general answer, but instead he was honest with her. 

“It’s hard to be with them when they’re working. My mom shows me around as her proud son who is going to save the world one day, which is fine, but it’s a lot of pressure. And my father keeps pestering me about having friends and why I don’t have a girlfriend. I would love to go to Italy, but I also just need a break after finals, and traveling and going to fancy dinner parties is exhausting. I’d rather have a small Christmas here where I can wear pajamas instead of a suit. I’ll probably travel with them for a few weeks in the summer instead.”

Tessa nodded. “We could do Christmas together, if you want. We have a pullout couch in our apartment, and you could stay over Christmas Eve and we could have Christmas morning together.”

“That would be fun,” he said. Jem smiled at her. Will and Tessa fit together perfectly. They were clearly the romantic ideal, and it had only been a few weeks, but Jem and Tessa had become friends just as fast. He felt comfortable with her in a way he only felt with Will. Rather than saying this, though, he instead started back with cooking dumplings. Tessa helped, and together, they managed to only burn a few. He took a picture of the dumplings to send to his mom, and Tessa insisted of taking a picture of him with the dumplings to send to his mom instead. 

“She’s going to want to see you,” Tessa said. “I’m sure she’s missing you.”

Jem laughed and agreed. He sent the picture to his mom who responded with a message filled with declarations of love for him and her pride in him. Tessa smiled triumphantly at him. When they finished eating dumplings, they made brownies from a box that were far easier than the dumplings had been. They set the mixer on a higher setting that was necessary, which left a big cloud of mix hovering over the bowl, and they both turned away coughing. After that, it went smoothly, and they each used a spoon to eat the leftover batter. 

They ate the brownies on the couch and talked about Tessa’s family. “I used to idolize my brother,” she said. “But he never really cares about what I do. He’s selfish. He tried to convince me to not go to college because it took money away from him, and we don’t talk much since that. My aunt always sides with him. They won’t talk to me about school when I go home.” Jem gave her a worried look, and she shrugged it off. “I just stay here, and send my aunt a card for Christmas thanking her for paying what’s left of my tuition bill.”

“Your brother sounds terrible,” Jem said after a pause. He was horrified by Tessa’s family. Sure, he had disagreements with his parents, but he never felt undermined or betrayed by them. 

“I still care about him. I mean, he’s my brother, and he took care of me whenever I got a fever and my aunt was at work. I just don’t sacrifice my own future for his anymore.” Tessa gave him a sad smile. “But that’s not a great conversation topic. Let’s talk about something else. How were your finals?”

Jem switched to talking about finals, but he resolved to spend Christmas with her. His choice to not be with his parents was more out of convenience rather than a lack of love, and Tessa did it more out of necessity. She shouldn’t have to be alone for Christmas just because of her ass of a brother. Jem didn’t think he could ever meet Nate. He was protective of Tessa, and the mixed emotions in his eyes made him worry over her. 

Tessa helped him clean the kitchen and she left a little bit after five so she could get home before the sun set. She hugged him on the way out the door, and Jem hugged her back. He hadn’t realized how much he missed physical contact. He realized he hadn’t hug anyone in months, so he held onto her a moment longer before she headed home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The headcanon of Jem's parents being diplomats is from ashesandhoney, and I thought it would work really well here too. I also think Jem would have been very disapproving of Nate and protective of Tessa. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	10. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will spends Christmas at home, and Jem and Tessa spend it with each other.

Will loved his family. He never doubted that. His parents were the picture of a perfect couple who had fallen in love young and made it work despite the challenges of disapproving families and financial struggles. Ella was Will’s guardian, who kept him safe and pulled him back before he fell off the various cliffs that he hadn’t seen coming. Cecily had been a terror but had mellowed out in the past year. She used to taunt and tease Will endlessly, but since he had gone away to school, she had stopped being a nuisance and the two had grown closer. She even asked him for boyfriend advice, to which, he had asked Ella for help with, but he was immeasurably touched that she asked him first.

  
He was happy to be home with them for the break. It took a weight off of his shoulders. He prided himself on his independence and ability to survive away from them throughout the year, but he wouldn’t deny that it was nice to not have to take care of himself for a few weeks, and Christmas was always a big function for his parents, a time where Will and Ella were both in the same place for an extended period of time. His mom cooked an elaborate meal, which he always tried to help with. His mother gave him simple tasks and left the actual cooking to his sisters. He ended up burning the food anyways, so he cut the carrots and washed the pans and unearthed his mom’s favorite wine from the pantry where it had been pushed behind his father’s bottle of scotch.

  
Will stole a sip from his mom’s glass of wine, and she raised her eyebrows at him before pouring him a small glass. He smiled at her, and she finished putting the dish she had been making into the oven before she came to stand next to where he leaned against the island. Reaching up, she brushed his hair back from his forehead. His sisters had left the kitchen in favor of helping their father with something in the other room, and it was a rare moment where Will got to be with his mom alone. “What’s going on with you, William?” she asked. “Something in your eyes has changed.”

  
Will blushed. “There’s this girl,” he said.

  
His mom smiled. “You haven’t blushed over a girl since primary school. What is it about this girl that she can make you blush like that?”

  
“I think I’m in love with her.” He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, and he ducked his head. “She’s amazing, and I love her already.”

  
“You’ve fallen in love with a girl, and you waited until now to tell me about it?” she teased. “William, that is an event that requires calling your mother.”

  
“I haven’t known her long. We met a week before finals, and it was crazy studying with exams. I don’t know. It just feels right with her, like being friends with Jem. It was all of the same intensity, just condensed into the past two weeks. She went from being a stranger to someone I could spend my life with in a matter of days. When I first saw her, and I know this sounds cliche, I felt like I needed to talk to her, like I would be missing out on something beautiful if I didn’t.” He confessed. It felt nice to say it, and he wanted his mother’s opinion. Was this how she had chosen to be with his dad? How did he handle this new relationship?

  
“Any girl who matches that friendship you have with James is one you should hold onto, William. And you are an English major. You live you life in pretty metaphors and beliefs in emotions that overwhelm you. You use metaphors for things that don’t require metaphors and exaggerate insignificant details. However, you haven’t ever talked about a girl like that before. I can see it in your eyes that you love her. Does she have a name?” She brushed his hair back from his face again.

  
“Tessa Gray.” he said.

  
“Well, then Tessa Gray is a very a lucky girl, William.”

  
The words escaped Will before he could stop them, “I’m the lucky one. She’s brilliant and beautiful.”

  
“So are you,” his mother said without missing a beat. “You are brilliant, Will. It sounds like you’ve found the girl who matches that in you. I’m happy for you, and I’d like to meet her.”

  
Will nodded, and then the rest of his family came back into the kitchen and the moment with his mother broke, but she pulled him in for a hug before they moved on to the rest of their evening.

* * *

  
Jem and Tessa spent Christmas Eve was quiet and quaint, not at all like Will’s elaborate Christmas at home, with a ten foot tree and every room bearing mistletoe and holly. Jem brought over a tiny tree to Tessa’s apartment, one that could fit on the table, and together, they hung equally as small ornaments and lights on the branches. They made a frozen pizza for dinner, and curled up watching holiday movies and sipping on hot chocolate. It was a perfect evening.

* * *

 

Tessa woke up Christmas morning to the smell of coffee and bacon. She got out from under her covers and pulled a sweater on over her pajamas before walking out into the kitchen where Jem was sitting, drinking a cup of coffee. He wore soft gray pajama pants with a navy blue t-shirt, and for a moment, Tessa pictured doing this every morning. Waking up to Jem making breakfast and seeing that smile on his face. She shook her head briefly and quickly replaced the image of Jem with the image of Will. She walked over to Jem, and poured herself a cup of coffee.

  
“You’re cooking breakfast,” she said.

  
He smiled shyly at her. “Is that alright?”

  
Tessa nodded. “Of course. Can I help?”

  
Jem pointed to the carton of eggs on the counter. “You could make the eggs, if you’d like, but you could also just relax. You made dinner last night. Breakfast is the least I can do.”

  
“I’m not sure that’s a fair trade, since all I did for dinner was stick it in the oven, but I appreciate it,” Tessa said, then she paused. “Does Will cook?”

  
Jem laughed. “He tries really hard to. If you monitor him constantly, he can cook, but if he’s left on his own, things catch fire. Do you like to cook?”

  
Tessa considered for a moment. “I like food, so I suppose I enjoy cooking. It gives me a break from studying, which is nice, but I don't like when it feels like a chore. My aunt used to always make me cook since she was working and she claimed it was a skill I needed to have when I got married, so it took some of the fun out of it.”

  
Jem frowned at her, and for a moment, she felt like she had said too much. Maybe he didn’t want to hear about her past. But then he said, “I agree with your aunt that learning to cook is important, but I think it’s more important that you can cook when your independent and self-sufficient rather than it being a skill for a quiet housewife.”

  
Tessa smiled at him. “I enjoy cooking with you. If I’m cooking like this when I’m married, I won’t mind it. But I agree. I don’t want it to be an obligation.”

  
Jem grinned back at her. “In that case, enjoy your coffee, and I’ll finish cooking.”

  
Tessa laughed and sat down across the island from him. “What about you? Do you like to cook?”

  
Jem thought about it for a minute as he took the bacon out of the pan. “I like cooking for people. My parents always treated cooking as more something either to do together or to surprise the other one with. When my mom has an early morning, my dad will wake up earlier and cook her breakfast. When my dad has a long day, my mom would make him some fancy dinner, the kind where you set the table and have wine and candles. I used to worry about my grades a lot, and there were some weekends where I didn’t leave my room because my homework needed to be perfect and I had to get a perfect score on the test. When that happened, my parents would always pull my out of my room for an hour or two and we would cook or bake just so that my head didn’t explode. That’s what I want in the future. To have that relationship with my family.”

  
Tessa met his eyes. “The girl you marry is going to be lucky to have you.”

  
An image of that girl being Tessa flashed before him and that made Jem blush. He quickly pushed that thought away and turned around to finish the eggs. He was spared responding by Tessa’s phone ringing in the other room. She left to get it, but didn’t answer it. Jem raised his eyebrows.

  
“My aunt,” she said. “But it’s still at an hour when I can pretend I was sleeping, so when she calls back in a couple hours, I will answer it. Right now, though, I just want to enjoy having breakfast with you.”

  
Jem smiled at her and served her breakfast. They ate it quietly together and enjoyed the moment.

  
They had barely finished when Tessa’s phone rang again. Tessa sighed and stood to answer it while Jem put the dishes in the sink.

  
“What are you talking about?” Tessa said, and Jem turned around. She was frowning, not just in an exasperated I-really-don’t-want-to-talk-to-you way that Jem associated with her aunt, but an legitimate, something was upsetting her way. Jem came to stand next to her, instantly protective. Tessa leaned into him, and he held her hand. Something was wrong.

  
“I don’t understand,” Tessa said, shaking her head. “What happened?”

  
Jem heard the mumbled response of the person on the phone, and Tessa took a shaky breath. Then there was another response which made Tessa flinch. He pulled her in closer, but she didn’t address the comment. “What do I need to do?”

  
Tessa nodded and leaned into Jem more before hanging up the phone.

  
“What’s going on?” Jem asked.

  
Tessa didn’t meet his eyes when she spoke. “My brother got into an accident last night.” She took a deep breath. “He was drunk and crashed his car. He’s hurt really badly. They—um, the doctors don’t think he’ll make it through the hour.”

  
Jem hugged her and she hugged him back. “I need to fly home today,” she murmured into his chest.

  
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked, and she nodded before stepping back.

  
“You don’t need to do that,” she said.

  
Jem shook his head. “I can. It’s not a big deal. And from what I’ve heard of your aunt, she’s not going to help you through this. I’d rather be there for you. Do you want me to call Will?”

  
Tessa nodded. “Okay.”

  
Jem gave her one last hug before he dialed Will’s number.


	11. Grief and Planning

Tessa left Jem in the living room. She could hear him talking to Will on the phone, but she wasn’t focusing on any of the words. The world felt out of focus, like a blurry screen had been laid over the top of everything. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she let everything wash over her. Nate was dead. Dying, she corrected herself. He wasn’t dead, but he would be before she could see him again. 

He wasn’t a kind person. He was exactly the kind of person to get in a stupid accident because he couldn’t control himself around alcohol and he had an invincibility complex that would have convinced him that getting in the car was a good idea. Idiot. He was a selfish idiot, and he had been cruel to her. And yet, he had also taken care of her enough times that she couldn’t place all of the anger on him. He had held her hand when her aunt had yelled at her, bandaged up her scraped knee when she had tripped, taken her temperature when she had a fever. Confusion and fear washed through her. 

Maybe this wasn’t real. Maybe it was a big plot for her aunt to get her back home, and Tessa would return and Nate would be magically better.  _ It’s your fault he’s like this _ , her aunt had said on the phone.  _ He wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t away at school _ . She flinched again at the memory. What if it was her fault? What if she could have saved him?

She snapped out of her head when she felt Jem touch her hand. She hadn’t heard him come in. Kneeling in front of her, he brushed the tears away that she hadn’t been aware had fallen. “Tessa,” he said. 

She nodded. She couldn’t get any words out. Her brain went from going at a dizzying speed to a standstill in seconds, and she wasn’t sure where she was. Jem held a phone up to her, and it took her a moment to recognize Will on the screen. She picked it up and held it to her ear. “Hello,” she said. She met Jem’s eyes while she talked to Will. 

“Jem told me what happened. Are you okay? What can I do?” 

Tessa couldn’t keep up with the questions he was asking. She shook her head, and the tears started to flow. She gasped in air, and Jem pulled her into his arms. She barely registered Jem take the phone from her hand, and then the phone was on the bed and he was hugging her. She cried in his arms for what felt like years and then he pulled her up onto the bed and tucked her in. She fell asleep before he had shut the door.

* * *

 

Tessa woke up groggy at noon. Her eyes were dry and her head hurt, but she dragged herself out of bed and into the living room. Jem was on the couch, a laptop balanced on his lap, and a cup of coffee on the table next to him. He looked up when she came in. 

“I looked up plane tickets,” he said, and she crossed the room to sit by him. He moved his arm and she snuggled into his chest. She looked at the screen she had pulled up. He had found tickets that she could afford, and she would fly out tomorrow and be home by the start of classes. 

“Thank you,” she said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Jem shook his head. “I want to go with you. I know you’re Will’s girlfriend, and I know I haven’t known you long, but I don’t think you should do this alone.”

Pulling back to look at him, she asked, “Why? I can go by myself. It’s not a big deal.”

“You flinched on the phone, like someone was about to hit you,” he said. “From what you’ve told me, you’re aunt isn’t the most supportive person, and I think you could use someone on your side.”

Tessa nodded. “She said that it was my fault,” she admitted. “That’s why I flinched.” There was a long pause that followed, so she said, “You talked to Will?”

Jem nodded. “I did, and he’s worried about you. He can’t come back to be with you, but he’s very concerned.”

Tessa nodded again and thought about it for a long moment. Jem didn’t pressure her to say anything, and she let herself work through the details. She wanted to protest Jem coming with her. It was expensive and she could do it on her, but on the other side, she really didn’t want to face her aunt alone. She wouldn’t ask it of Jem, but she also didn’t need to ask. He already had the offer out there. All she needed to do was accept.

“If I get you my card, can you buy the tickets?” she asked. 

He smiled at her. “Only if I can pay for the hotel.”

Tessa nodded, and she got up to fish her wallet out of her purse before she returned to Jem. He bought the tickets, and together, they found a hotel. She texted Will that she was alright and that she would keep him updated and thanked him for supporting her. Her aunt called later to say that Nate had died. Tessa hung up immediately after that. She didn’t want to hear what else her aunt had to say. Instead, she curled up with Jem, and pulled a blanket over the both of them. She fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. 


	12. An Argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa and Jem attend Nate's funeral, and Tessa gets in an argument with her aunt.

The funeral was hellish, and Tessa was immeasurably grateful to have Jem there with her. He never left her alone with her aunt, and although he never spoke out against the horrible things she said, he would wrap his little finger around hers and give her a smile. 

In the hours after the funeral, Tessa and Jem had gone over to her aunt’s house, and her aunt had pulled Tessa into the kitchen. “I don’t understand why I’m paying so much money for you. Nate could have had a beautiful funeral if we weren’t spending all of my money for you to attend a school where you spend more time messing around with boys than studying. You need to find a husband who can pay for your tuition instead. And unless that boy in there has a wealthy job and you’re intending to be his wife, then I suggest you move on and spend your time with someone else.”

Tessa shook her head. “Jem is a friend, and I’m dating his friend, Will, because I am genuinely happy with him. I am not going to be happy simply being someone’s wife to keep at home and pull out to brag about at parties. I am going to school so that I can be financially independent and take care of myself. I am going to be successful in my own right, and I am sorry I wasn’t here for Nate, and I am sorry that school is expensive, but I would appreciate it if you would stop blaming me for his death. I did not get him drunk. I did not tell him to drive. And he spent more of your money trying to make his crazy gambling schemes work than I am on a plan that I’ve been piecing together since I was fourteen.”

Tessa wanted to scream, to hit her aunt, to do something. She couldn’t understand why her aunt was so unable to see that Tessa was doing something that she could be successful at, that she had every intention of paying her aunt back with. 

“Your parents—” her aunt started. 

“My parents would have been proud to see me where I am now. I have a great GPA at an amazing school. I am taking difficult classes. I manage the money I make enough to afford a nice apartment with my friend. I have a healthy relationship with a man I love and who is genuinely interested in me. You don’t get to talk about my parents.”

Tessa walked out of the room and Jem stood up when she came in. “I need to leave,” she said, and he nodded, standing without a word and taking her hand. He pulled her out of the house and they walked back to the hotel in silence. When they got back to their room, Jem sat on the bed, and Tessa let the words spill out of her. 

“I do so much for her. I managed her bills in high school. I passed up an opportunity to study at Cambridge to save her money. I made sure Nate always came home safely at night, and she has the audacity to tell me that it’s my fault he died, that it’s my fault he couldn’t have a nicer funeral. She told me that I should focus on finding a wealthy husband to pay my bills for me instead.” She had started pacing and he grabbed her hand to stop her. 

“You don’t need to do what she says,” he told her. 

She looked at him. “I know that. I do. It’s just so frustrating. She’s living according to standards that would apal even Victorian women. I’m just supposed to be an object to my husband, supposed to be married and have kids by now, and I’m just trying to enjoy being with Will.”

Jem smiled at her. “If it makes you feel better, I think Will would be very upset if you wanted to just be a trophy wife whose only accomplishment was having children. I could see you maybe being a stay-at-home mom, but only because being an editor is a job that would allow you to do that. I think if you wanted to be a surgeon or a lawyer, then Will would be more than happy to be a stay-at-home dad. You and Will work because you’re both mutually involved and equally invested.”

Tessa paused for a moment. “Will would be a stay at home dad?”

Jem grinned. “He would pretend he didn’t and that he doesn’t get along well with children, but he’s actually very good with kids, and I think he would love to be an editor who works from home.”

Tessa sat down on the bed next to him. “You’re good at changing the subject.”

“Will does the same thing, where he gets worked up about something and just rants, which is fine, but I was starting to worry about your blood pressure.”

“She infuriates me,” Tessa said, leaving her head on his shoulder. 

Jem held her hand. “I know. But you don’t need to see her again for this trip. We leave tomorrow, and the funeral is over. Can I buy you dinner?”

“I don’t really want to go out,” she said. 

“Then I’ll grab some takeout and we can hang out here and watch a movie or something, but you need some time to not stress out about your aunt.”

Tessa smiled at him. “You’re pretty amazing,” she said. 

Jem squeezed her hand. “So are you,” he said. “Even if your aunt refuses to admit it.”

And then he was standing up and pulling on his jacket and left her alone in the hotel room. Tessa picked up her phone and called Will. 

“Hey,” he answered. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. Jem is an incredible person. I’m really happy he’s here.” 

She could hear Will laugh. “He is pretty great. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s alright,” she said. “Just my obnoxious aunt, but I’m ready to get back home. Jem is getting take out and then I think we’re just going to hang out and watch a movie.”

“That sounds like a great plan. I’m happy you two are getting along.”

Tessa grinned. “How’s your family been?”

“Same crazy stuff as usual. Ella’s engaged. Cecily has a boyfriend that she refuses to admit is her boyfriend, and she’s been pestering me to read her essays. I told my mom about you.” 

“Oh?” Tessa asked. “And what did she say?”

“That I’m lucky, and she wants to meet you.” Will said. “Maybe you could come home with me for spring break? No pressure, though, if it’s too much.”

“I’d love to meet your mom, Will.” she said. 

“Great!” he said, and then he paused. “I miss you.”

Tessa nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. “I miss you, too. When do you get back to campus?”

“In two days,” he answered. “What about you?” 

“Tomorrow,” she said. “Jem and I will be there around two.”

“Then can I see you on Sunday when I get back?”

Tessa smiled. “Of course.”

They finished making plans and said their goodbyes. Tessa took a shower before Jem got back and changed into pajamas. She had just finished getting dressed when Jem came in, and they snuggled together on the bed for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this chapter. There will be more Will/Tessa in the next couple chapters.


	13. A Night Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Tessa enjoy a night together.

When Jem and Tessa got back to campus, Sophie and Magnus were waiting for them. Both of them pulled Tessa into a hug, and Jem said his goodbye as they lead her into her apartment. She broke away from her friend for a moment to give Jem a hug. In a rush of bravery that she couldn’t really process, she kissed his cheek before saying her own goodbye and retreated back into her apartment.

Later that night, after Magnus left and Sophie went to bed, Tessa texted Jem. _I can’t say thank you enough for coming with me and taking care of me with everything happening with my family._

He texted back almost immediately. _Any time. Family can be hard to manage. I was happy to be there for you and to get to know you a little better._

Tessa smiled. _I enjoyed spending time with you. Let me know if you ever need me to return the favor_.

 _I will. Goodnight, Tess_.

Tessa texted back, _goodnight, Jem_. And she fell asleep smiling.

* * *

 

When Will got back to campus, he ordered takeout and invited Tessa over when they both got back to campus. They sat together at the table and talked about random things, things that didn’t involve Tessa’s crazy aunt or brother, like Will’s application for a job at the campus library, the book Tessa was putting off reading for her new lit class, where Jem was that evening. They spun off into conversations about family and how Will’s sister was getting married and pushing him to learn to dance. Tessa pulled Will up with her and attempted to teach him how to waltz, but he kept tripping and she was laughing too hard to continue. Somehow, they ended up tangled together. Will’s hands were warm and heavy against her waist and she had her arms draped around his shoulders with her fingers playing with the hair at the base of his neck. They were rocking back and forth when Will pressed his lips to Tessa’s. She deepened the kiss, running her tongue along his mouth, asking for entrance. He gave it to her without hesitation.

They were rocking back and forth when Will pressed his lips to Tessa’s. She deepened the kiss, running her tongue along his mouth, asking for entrance. He gave it to her without hesitation.

They were impossibly close, sharing each other’s breaths. Warmth spread from low in her stomach, and Tessa pulled away for a moment, gasping. “Bed,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “We don’t have to. We can-”

Her mind flashed back to the last time they had kissed like this, when she had told him, no, not yet. Her heart melted a little bit as she leaned into him. She appreciated him letting her take the lead and making sure that she was sure, but she also needed him to be closer. She wanted to touch him, to be pressed against him, to have that physical comfort and pleasure.

She kissed him again, desperate and breathless. “I love you. I want this. I want you.”

Will pulled back to look at her eyes, “Anything and everything. I’ll love you forever.”

Tessa pressed her lips to his cheek, “I know. Now take me to bed, Herondale.”

Will’s laugh reverberated through her as he picked her up bridal style. “As you wish, Miss Gray.” He carried her, laughing and giggling, to his bedroom and laid her down gently on his pillows.

“Wait,” she whispered as he started to climb next to her. He pulled back immediately, a question in his eyes. She pressed her lips together and gathered her courage. “I want to watch you.”

He tilted his head. He stood next to her, and she brushed her fingers across his hip. “What do you want to watch me do, Tess?”

“Take your clothes off.” She held his gaze, and he grinned.

“You want me to strip for you? And do your work for you?”

She nodded. “I’ll make it up to you.”

He laughed. “I think I’ll manage.” Slowly, with a dramatic wink to her, he bent to pull off his socks. She giggled and he looked up at her, “Am I not doing what you wanted?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of your shirt and pants, but socks are fine, too.” She sat up on her elbows.

Will laughed, “Shall I continue?”

She beamed at him, her smile lighting up her eyes. “Yes, please.”

Will bent to press a quick kiss to her lips before straightening up and pulling his t-shirt over his head. Theatrically, he tossed it across the room, and he leisurely reached to undo the button of his jeans. Pulling down his zipper was even slower, and Tessa complained. “You’re such a tease.”

Will laughed. With the last of his clothes removed, he stood bare in front of her, a smile teasing the corners of his mouth, and she marveled at him. He was beautiful. Toned muscle covered his chest and stomach, but she didn’t look lower yet. He bit his lip, and she watched his confidence flicker under her gaze. She blushed and whispered, “come here.”

He laid on top of her and pressed a kiss to her mouth. He was slow, but Tessa could feel the need behind it. His body was stiff above her, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. He groaned as he relaxed into her. Tessa tangled her fingers in his hair.

Will pulled back just enough to whisper against her lips, “I’m losing my self-control.”

She smiled and pressed her lips to his. “Mine’s already gone.” She rolled her hips to rub against his bare length, and he dropped his head to her neck and sighed.

“You need less clothes,” he murmured, and she nodded. He sat up over her and pulled her t-shirt off. He pressed a kiss to her collarbone as he unclasped her bra. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

Kissing his way down from her collarbone to her breast was just a little rushed. She curled her fingers in his hair. He really was losing his control to her. He wanted to make it slow and special and important, but he was desperate and needy and that look in her eyes was driving him mad. His lips closed around her nipple as he sucked on it gently, and he grinned slightly as Tessa let out a small moan. He suckled for a few more minutes before kissing down her stomach.

They had abandoned the show of removing clothes. Now, he was efficient. Soon she lay bare before him, and he pulled himself back for a second to just marvel at her. She was truly beautiful.

Then he set back to the trail he had been making earlier. He kissed his way down her stomach to the apex of her thighs before skipping where she wanted him to be and kissing the inside of her knee.

“Will,” Tessa said. And he pulled back to look at her. “You’re going too slow.”

“I think so too,” he smiled, meeting her eyes, “but I’ve heard that the anticipation—” he paused to press a lingering kiss to the middle of her thigh, “is half of the fun. Although if you want me to, go faster…”

He pressed his mouth to where she wanted him most, and her back arched as she moaned his name. She was dripping wet, and he chased her reactions, playing with pressure and speed and timing. When Will had been with other girls, this had not been the part he had enjoyed. It wasn’t that he despised it, but it was more a necessity than a desire he had, mere motions to go through. He had wanted to pleasure the women he had been with, but he preferred simply using his fingers. With Tessa, it was different. He loved the earthy sweet taste of her as his tongue slid along her opening and as his lips closed around her clit. He loved the gasping moan she let out as he lapped at her clit. He could have gone on for hours, but his own arousal was pressed uncomfortably into the mattress.

Will sucked on her clit harder as he slid a finger inside of her. He had been going slow, but now he sped up and quickly brought her to an orgasm that left her legs shaking and her back arching. He kept going past that point until she was incoherently moaning his name and pushing him away.

He smiled as he moved up her body to kiss her, and she kissed him back. The kiss was lazy and sweet, and Will was proud of himself. “Do you need a minute before we continue?” he asked.

Tessa nodded, “Yes, but there are other things I want to do in the meantime.”

Will raised his eyebrows in question as she pushed him off of her and he flopped on to his back. She sat up and knelt between his knees. Glancing up at him, she bent down. Her hand wrapped around the base of his cock. “Is this okay?” she asked, and he nodded.

“This is way better than okay.”

She smiled and stroked him a few times before taking the tip of him in her mouth. She pulled back and licked from the base of him to the tip. Then she took him all of the way into her mouth, and Will’s head fell back in pleasure. She played with suction and speed and depth, and Will reached down to grab her hand and lace their fingers together. When he looked back down at her, she glanced up at him and slowed down.

“Now you’re teasing me,” Will groaned.

She pulled back and smiled. Will just looked at her. She looked innocent and sweet, and she had the smile that she had given him that first day at the coffee shop; although, here, with his cock only a few inches from her face, the smile looked very different. It was teasing and sexy and beautiful, and he felt the desire in him grow.

“Come here,” he whispered, and she kissed her way back up his body until she reached his mouth. She pressed a kiss to his mouth, and he held her tight. She gasped as he rolled them over so that he lay on top of her.

Brushing her hair back from her face, he met her eyes. “I love you,” Will whispered. “In every sense of the phrase. I love your smile and your heart. I love the way you roll your eyes at me and I love your laugh. You are not the last dream of my soul. You are the first, and I will love you for every day of the rest of my life.”

Tessa’s face had gone still, but she reached up to touch his cheek, “I love you, William Herondale, with every fiber in my body. I am completely in love with you, and I am yours.”

Will’s heart melted and he kissed her. For a moment, it was perfect. They were wrapped up in each other, pressing forward, and she was gasping, but one thought punctured the perfect moment, and Will pulled away. He dropped his head to her neck and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Tessa asked. Will could hear the anxiety in her voice, and he looked up at her.

“Not that,” he said. “I didn’t change my mind. It’s just–” he took a deep breath. “I don’t have any condoms.”

Tessa laughed, and he worried. He should have thought of this before. That was his responsibility, and he’d screwed it up. He usually had some on hand, but he had forgotten. She was going to leave him. He knew it. Will felt his anxiety rise.

“I’m on the pill,” she told him, and he relaxed. “We can get condoms tomorrow because as much as I love you, I don’t want a baby now. But for tonight, we’re okay, if that’s enough for you?”

He smiled and kissed her. “For tonight.”

Then he pressed fully into her, and she groaned. They started slow, simply moving their hips together. But then the desperate need overcame them, and he sped up, thrusting harder into her. She moaned his name, and he did the same. They were breathing the same air, and her nails were scratching his back as she pleaded for more.

Will slowed for a moment, “I can go slower.” He whispered.

Tessa shook her head. “Don’t you dare.”

“But shouldn’t this be-” Will started, but she kissed him.

“I love you, and I am not going to leave you. We can do this every day. We will have time for slow and romantic,” she said.

“But?” Will prompted.

“But,” Tessa continued, “I am horny and halfway to an orgasm and perfectly content having hot, messy, fast sex.”

Will laughed and kissed her for a moment before picking up the pace again. They were consumed by their passion, both of them no longer caring about the noise they were making. The headboard was hitting the wall, and the sound of skin hitting skin filled the room, only interrupted by their moans.

Will reached between them and used his fingers to circle her clit and bring her to a gasping orgasm that shook her whole body. He pulled back to give her a break and let her recover, but she reached for him again and shook her head. “I can keep going. Please don’t stop,” she groaned.

He kissed her and adjusted her hips to a new angle that made her swear before continuing. He felt himself getting close, and he was moaning something, probably her name. All coherency was lost. They were tangled together, sweat-slicked skin sliding together as they breathed each other’s names and begged for more. Before he came, he pulled out and spilled on to her stomach. She pulled him down against her again, smearing the mess he made onto both of them. She pressed a kiss to his mouth, and he lazily kissed her back.

“Mmm,” she murmured. “I love you, Will.”

He kissed her, “I love you, Tess.”

He rolled off of her and laid on his back, but she followed him and laid her head on his chest. They curled into one another before falling asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much just smut without a lot of character development. If you read this when I first uploaded it, read the beginning again because I added a transition scene. Thanks for reading! I'll have the next chapter up soon.


	14. Jem's Confusion

Jem came home feeling defeated. His professor had hated the paper Jem had spent two weeks perfecting over break before class started, and Jem couldn’t understand it. But Jem’s protests notwithstanding, his grade had dipped below anything he’d ever had before. Walking into the apartment, he saw two plates lying on the table littered with empty takeout containers and Tessa’s jacket hanging on one of the chairs. For a second, Jem smiled. He could talk to Tessa and she would help him feel better. But other than the dishes and the jacket, there was no sign of Tessa or Will. 

That was until he heard a moan coming from Will’s room and rhythmic thumping. It wasn’t the first time Jem had come home to Will with a date, but it was the first time Tessa had been the date. It made Jem’s stomach twist, and he couldn’t understand why. He had no romantic attachment to Tessa, and he didn’t think he was jealous of Will for having her. Tessa and Jem had a friendly connection; she was sweet and kind and a good listener. And Jem didn’t think he harbored any romantic feelings for Will. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Will’s deep voice moaning, “Tessa.” And the flash of desire that coursed through Jem also confused him. His mind filled with images of Tessa on her back, her hair spread out on the pillows, her skin slicked with sweat, as her back arched and her fingers scraped across his back— no, Will’s back, he corrected himself. But strangely the image of Tessa and Will didn’t make his stomach turn. Instead, he felt himself blush. And he realized that he hadn’t been jealous of Will before. He didn’t want to take Will’s place; instead, he wanted to be with Will. He wanted to watch Tessa’s reactions as Will pushed himself deeper and harder inside of her. Jem wanted to kiss Tessa—

And Jem’s thoughts were interrupted again by a moan, but this time it was Tessa’s breathy voice as she called out Will’s name, and it triggered another flash of desire through Jem that made him hurry to his room. He didn’t understand his feelings and couldn’t rationalize any of the thoughts running through his head, but he had passed the point of suppressing them. No one needed to know about this. Safely in his room, he dropped his bag and took off his shirt. Lying on his bed, he unzipped his jeans and pushed them to the middle of his thighs. Impatiently, he grasped his erection. Thoughts of Will and Tessa filled his head as he began stroking himself: Will kissing Tessa as Jem buried himself in her, Tessa on her knees with Will in her mouth as she met Jem’s eyes, Will kissing Jem as Tessa sat astride Jem’s hips. 

Jem stopped at the last image. His cock throbbed for him to continue, but the image of Will kissing him startled him. Slowly, he let himself travel down that path as he began to stroke himself again. He pictured Will standing and kissing him, both of their fingers on the other’s cock. He thought of Will pushing Jem back onto the bed and taking Jem’s erection in his mouth. Tessa’s moan echoed from the other room, and he incorporated Tessa into his fantasy. He thought about Tessa on her back as Jem entered her, and then Will entering Jem. The three of them moving and moaning together as they each climbed closer to release. 

He was breathless and dazed as he threw his head back, arching his hips up into the ideas filling his head. He would regret this tomorrow. He would wake up and feel horrible, but for now, he was completely overwhelmed by the pleasure. Jem’s own release surprised him. His hips jerked upwards as he came, and he covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the moans. The sound of the bed hitting the wall in the other room increased as did the sounds of Will’s and Tessa’s groans, and Jem listened as he caught his breath. 

The noises stopped and Jem refused to think about what had just happened. Instead, he slowly stood up, wiped off the mess he had made, and pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants before crawling back into bed. Jem fell asleep, forgetting all about his bad day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much just a short smutty chapter that I feel is a little risky and a stretch for Jem's character, but let me know what you think of it. I also added in more of a transition into the last chapter, so go back and read that when you have a chance.


	15. The Morning After (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Will and Tessa chapter full of smut.

Tessa woke up sticky, and it took her a moment to remember why. The mess from last night had dried on her stomach and the heat from both Will and the blanket had left her sweaty. Turning onto her side, she pushed the blanket off of her and looked at Will. He had one hand bent above his head and the other was spread across the pillows. He looked younger when he slept, Tessa realized. The blanket had pulled down so that it was just below his waist, and Tessa reached over to run her hand across his stomach. He was beautiful, in every sense of the word.  She moved her hand up his body to comb through his hair. He murmured in his sleep, and she pulled back. Instead of reaching for him again, she shifted forward to curl herself into his body again. Laying her head on his chest, she breathed in the scent of him, and his arms came around her again, holding her close. 

“Good morning,” he whispered, his voice still groggy from sleep.

She smiled, “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Shaking his head, he held her tighter. “You could wake me up at three in the morning, and I’d be happy to spend that time with you.” 

Tessa looked up at him, and he was smiling at her, a sleepy lazy smile. She reached up to run her fingers along his jaw, and he kissed her palm. 

“This is perfect,” she whispered. 

Will grinned. “Waking up with the woman I love naked in my bed is definitely perfect to me.” 

She smiled and moved so that she was straddling his hips. She had braced herself that being so open to him would scare her, but Tessa was surprised to feel perfectly comfortable with him. He ran his hands up her knees to her hips, but didn’t move to touch her further than that.

Tessa felt him getting hard below her, but the blanket still laid between them. Will sat up and curved one arm around her back to hold her steady as he pressed kisses to her neck. Tessa let her head fall back in order to expose more of her neck to him as she tangled her fingers in his hair. Gently, she tilted his head back and met his eyes. 

“I love you,” she whispered. 

Will grinned, “I can understand that. I’m very loveable.” She laughed and kissed him, and he met her lips with a smile. “I love you, too,” he murmured against her mouth, and she kissed him deeper. 

Tessa ground her hips down onto him, and he groaned and pulled back slightly. “Can we try it like this?” he asked.

Apprehension filled Tessa. Will wasn’t the first man she had been with, but all of the others had been messy one time hookups, and she had always been on her back or on her knees. Being on top and in control was something entirely different, and she wasn’t sure how to do it. “I don’t know,” she started. “I haven’t, um. I haven’t done it like this before.”

Will smiled at her. “Neither have I.”

Tessa leaned down to kiss him. “If we try it and I don’t like it or I’m not good at it?”

“Then it’s the end of our relationship,” Will joked as he pressed a quick kiss to her lips. Her heart skipped a beat for a second, and he quickly recovered. “If we try it and it doesn’t work, then we try something else. It was just a proposition, not an ultimatum. If you aren’t comfortable with it, then we can revisit it again later. No pressure.”

Tessa paused, thinking. “Let’s try.”

Will grinned and pulled her closer to him, lifting her off of his hips slightly so that he could pull the blanket off of himself. When they resettled, Tessa pushed him down lightly. Will gave her a questioning look, and she returned a nervous smile. “This seems easier.”

Will nodded and put his hand on her knee, stroking it slowly, comforting her. He watched her face change as she gathered up her courage, and then she was lining them up and pushing down. Her mouth fell open, and he groaned. She wasn’t quite wet enough for it to be entirely comfortable and this position let him go deeper than she was ready for, but that wasn’t enough to stop her yet. 

“I love you,” Will whispered, and she leaned down to kiss him. Placing her hands on his chest, she began to move her hips, not thrusting, but grinding down instead. Will moaned, and she gasped as her clit rubbed against his stomach. She set a slow pace and he held onto her hips. They locked eyes as she moved, and Will began to move his hips to meet hers. They moved slowly together, and it was an entirely different kind of passion than last night. 

Last night had been a fire, a slow spark that exploded into quick movements and hurried declarations. This was an exploration that crested and fell away. Will’s hands wandered over her body as she moved above him, and she watched his chest flush and his breathing sped up as the orgasm creeped closer. Tessa almost wished it wouldn’t come. She wanted to stay like this forever, wrapped up in his touch and gaze. “This is perfect,” she gasped, as Will’s hand brushed her cheek. 

Will smiled at her. “Yes,” he groaned.

“But it’s too slow.” Tessa said. 

“Maybe,” Will said. “You’re making me lose my mind.”

Tessa smiled. “Faster?”

Will only nodded, and Tessa rocked her hips a little faster, experimenting. “Oh my god,” Will moaned, and Tessa continued like that. Eventually, they found a rhythm that left her flushed and crying out while he ground his hips up into her. Tessa was warm and wet and desperate. The friction was enough to push her up to the edge of an orgasm but not over it. Will caught on, and rubbed his thumb around her clit as she continued to ride him, and her orgasm crested, leaving her moaning and shaking as she stopped moving. When she came down from her high, he was grinning up at her. He sat up, still inside her, and pressed a kiss to her neck. “You’re so beautiful.”

She laughed. “We’re not done yet.” She slid off of him and bent down to wrap her lips around his cock. He tasted of salt and sex, and it wasn’t the best taste, but she continued anyways, and he curled his fingers in her hair and guided her. He didn’t last long like that. He came in her mouth and she swallowed it. Looking up at him, she smiled, and he grinned at her. “You’re really fucking sexy,” Will said. “Do you know how impossibly hot that was?”

Tessa giggled and crawled back into his lap again. She kissed him lazily. “We need to shower. We’re still a mess from last night.”

Will raised his eyebrows. “Can we shower together?”

Tessa laughed and pulled him up off the bed. They stayed in the shower until the water ran cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on finishing the next chapter, so that will hopefully be up later today, but let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.


	16. The Morning After (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem tries to process the night before and to manage his new feelings for Tessa.

Jem woke up slowly, and it took him a moment to remember what happened last night. Everything came flooding back, and guilt filled him, making his stomach turn as he curled onto his stomach. He had gotten off on the sounds of his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend, and he felt dirty. That wasn’t something people were supposed to do. He loved Tessa, and she was beautiful. He could have indulged himself in that, and although he would have still felt guilty, it was more acceptable but than him thinking about kissing Will. He pushed his thoughts of Will far away and refused to acknowledge them. He wanted to be with Tessa, that he admitted, but she was in love entirely with Will, and all they could ever be was friends.  

He needed to shower, but the fear of facing Will and Tessa kept him in bed. He could hear the two of them in the kitchen; the coffee maker had announced the coffee was done and the two of them banged pans around. He heard Will swear and Tessa laugh, and Jem buried himself deeper under the covers. 

His phone buzzed and he reached out of the cave of blankets he had created to grab it. Will had texted him:  _ are you getting out of bed today? _

Jem froze. Quickly, he typed back:  _ bad day yesterday. I have buried myself in blankets and don’t want to come out. _

It was true, he reasoned. The conversation with his professor still hung in his mind. That was what he would tell Will and Tessa. That’s all they needed to know, and the reminder alone that he g felt like failing this class was enough to make him feel horrible.  

His phone buzzed again:  _ can Tess and I join you? We tried to make breakfast, but we burned the pancakes. We can build a fort and drink coffee and watch Netflix. _

No. That was not what Jem wanted. He didn’t want to be wrapped up with them as they snuggled. He sent Will:  _ i’d rather be alone _ . 

There was a moment where Jem watched the three dots on his screen. Then they went away and Jem’s door creaked open. “James,” Will said. 

Jem didn’t answer. 

“James. Are you suffocating under the blanket?”

Jem made a noncommittal grunt.

“If you’re dead, knock twice,” Will said. 

Jem didn’t move. “I failed my essay from break. I talked to the professor and he hated it, and now my grade in that class is screwed.” 

Will padded across the floor and sank under the covers with Jem. Jem held his breath and Will swore. “Bloody hell, it’s hot in here. Are you sure you aren’t suffocating slowly?” 

“I’m not.” Jem answered.

“How long have you been under here?”

Jem breathed, “Not long.”

Will was on his back and Jem was curled on his stomach, and the two of them lay there for a minute before either of them spoke. “You are smarter than your professor is giving you credit for. So he didn’t like this essay? I liked it. If you gave it to anyone else, they would love it. Starkweather is an old man whose cruel heart is slowly rotting him from the inside out.  _ If _ you fail this class, then you can take it again next year with a different professor. You will still graduate. You will still go on to the fancy grad school you want. You will still be the kind and amazing person that you are.” 

Jem took a deep breath. “You’re right.” 

Will smiled, “Of course I am. I’m Will Herondale.”

Jem laughed. “Cocky bastard.” He turned his head so that he could look at Will. “Is Tessa still here?”

“She’s worrying over you in the kitchen.”

Jem smiled, “She’s a good person.”

“You like talking to her.” Will stated. It wasn’t an accusation or a fact, just an observation that he was waiting for Jem to confirm. 

Jem took a breath before he answered. “She knows what to say when I have no idea what I need. Being with her over break was nice, and as horrible as her aunt was, I was happy to be there with her. She is brilliant and witty, and she has a kind heart.” 

“I think I am in love with her, James.”

Jem smiled through the bitter feeling that filled his body. He could do this. He could pretend he just went to bed last night. “Are you sure you love her and not just the sex?”

Will gave him a questioning look. “Were we that loud?”

Jem sighed, “Yeah. But it’s okay. You didn’t know I was home.” Will took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but Jem cut him off, “Oh no. Not another speech.”

“What else am I good for?” Will smirked. “First, I am sorry we were wrapped up in each other last night instead of being here for you when you needed us. Second, I am not just in love with Tess because of the sex, although that was incredible. I don’t know. She’s different. It’s strange, and I don’t have the words for it. You’ve always grounded me, but Tess leaves me with my head in the clouds. And I need both of you because some days you flip roles. You balance me, and she balances both of us. I love you, and I am in love with her. That made absolutely no sense, but it’s the best I could do.” 

Jem smiled at Will. “For an English major, that was far less graceful and poetic than I expected for a declaration of love. Isn't there always supposed to be a vague metaphor about flowers or the sunset with a declaration of love?”

Will shoved Jem’s shoulder. 

Jem laughed, “I am happy that you have found someone that makes you trip over your words.” Despite talking about Tessa and suppressing his shame for last night, Jem actually felt better. He wanted this, and he could do this. He loved both of them—in different ways, he told himself— and they could be together as friends. “Tessa can join us if she wants.”

Will grinned, “I appreciate that, but I think you should come out of your cave because it’s hotter than hell under this blanket, and I think we are slowly dying of carbon dioxide poisoning. Come out, get some coffee, and then help us make a breakfast that isn’t burnt.”

Jem sighed and pulled the blanket off of his head. As much as he hated to admit that Will was right, the flash of cool air that hit his face proved that he really might have been suffocating slowly. Jem stood up and pulled on a t-shirt before following Will out of the room. He had been right. Tessa was worrying over him in the kitchen. When she saw Jem, she came over and brushed his hair back from his forehead. 

“Are you okay?” she asked. And he didn’t respond immediately.

“Sort of,” he said. “Better than yesterday.”

She nodded. “Coffee?”

He smiled and she pulled a mug down from the shelf and poured the coffee into it before pressing it into his hands. “We’re attempting to make pancakes, but everything you said about Will being a horrific cook is true, and we’ve burnt half of the ones we’ve tried to make,” Tessa said, smiling at him. She was trying to distract him, and he was immeasurably grateful. 

Will protested. “Hey!” he said loudly. “I am not that bad.”

Tessa laughed and smiled at Jem one more time before turning her attention back to Will. “You really are that bad.” 

Jem laughed and helped them make the rest of their breakfast. He went through two cups of coffee, and after the finished, Jem curled up in the chair in the living room while Will and Tessa snuggled on the couch and the three of them watched Netflix. He could do this, Jem told himself again. He could forget about what happened last night. He let himself relax and enjoy the afternoon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably add another Jem chapter in next because I feel like his feelings need to be explored more. This is the last of the chapters I've already written. Please let me know if you think it flows well or if I need to add in some better transitions chapter to chapter. Thanks for reading.


	17. Conversations with Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa talks with Magnus and Jem starts to confide a little in Will.

The Monday morning after Tessa spent the weekend with Will, she met Magnus for coffee before class. 

“So…” Magnus started. “How was your weekend?”

Tessa blushed. “Absolutely amazing, Magnus.”

“Oh? Do tell, Tess. What made it amazing?”

“I slept with Will,” she said and took a sip of her coffee. 

Magnus smiled at her. “Details, Tessa, details. Sleeping with someone is a very general term. Was is just sleeping or was it gentle sex that would be set with a glowing faded background in a movie? Was it kinky enough to put Fifty Shades to shame?”

“No!” Tessa laughed. “The details aren’t appropriate to share in a public space, Magnus.”

“I refute that. The world needs more sex,” Magnus protested. “We can walk and talk at the same time, though, if that makes you feel better.” 

Tessa nodded and stood up, pulling on her jacket. “Then let’s do that. I’m not spilling details in a coffee shop filled with people from campus.” 

The result was walking around the city. They found a park that was mostly empty with a bench tucked away and luckily clear of snow. “Alright,” Magnus probed. “We’ve left. Now tell me details.” 

Tessa blushed again. “I went over on Saturday night, and we had dinner at his place, which was very nice. And then we started kissing, and one thing lead to another, and I ended up in his bed. And it was amazing sex. Then I spent the night with him and we woke up in the morning and did it again, and then in the shower, and then twice more that afternoon after Jem left to study.”

“Wow,” Magnus said. “You really were busy this weekend.” 

“I was,” Tessa said. “And we made plans for Thursday, too.” 

Magnus grinned at her. “Not for tonight?”

Tessa shook her head. “As much as I would love to, I do actually need to get homework done, and so does he, and while Jem is a very patient person, Will and I weren’t exactly quiet, so I think we should maybe take a little bit of a break for a couple days.” 

“You weren’t quiet?” Magnus asked, smirking at her. 

Tessa elbowed him. “No, we weren’t. Did you hear anything else of what I said?”

“Of course I did. You need to do homework and Jem needs a break, but I chose to focus on the point that you had mind blowing, very loud sex. We should go buy you lingerie.”

“I feel like it’s a little early in our relationship for lingerie, Magnus. And I don’t think he cares if I wearing boring underwear.” Tessa said. The idea of picking out lingerie that Will would like was intriguing but also overwhelming. Although she was confident in her relationship with Will and that they were mutually involved, it was still so new. 

Magnus interrupted her thoughts. “It’s never too early for lingerie, Tess.” And then he paused. “With the last boyfriend you had, you mentioned feeling unsure of yourself in front of him. Did you have any of that with Will?”

Tessa shook her head. “No, not really. We tried it with me on top, which was a little unnerving at first, but it was more because I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew that Will didn’t care about that, and he was reassuring. I didn’t feel shy or anything like I was expecting.”

Magnus took her hand. “Then I’m really happy for you, both that you’re having amazing sex, and that you’ve found someone you’re comfortable with. Do you have anything you need to be doing for the rest of today?”

“Not really. I don’t need to go to my class.”

Magnus grinned at her. “Then I’m taking you shopping. You don’t need to wear lingerie for Will, but I think you should upgrade a little from your boring underwear, even if it just makes you feel a little more confident. Something that matches at least.”

Tessa stood up. “You really just want to go shopping.”

“I really just want an excuse to spend all day with my best friend, and this is something to do,” he said. “And I have to tell you about my date with Alec.”

“What happened with Alec?” Tessa asked as they began walking to the store.

* * *

 

After the weekend ended, Jem pulled away from Will and Tessa, and for the first few days, he got away with making excuses before Will noticed. Tessa had texted a few times, and when she came over on Thursday, she asked him to help them make dinner, but he denied, claiming he had too much homework to do. The next morning, Will asked if Jem wanted to go out to breakfast, and Jem used the same excuse. 

“Bullshit,” Will said. “You’ve been spending an obscene number of hours on homework this week. There’s no way you have so much more to do that you can’t take two hours to go out to breakfast. What’s going on with you?”

Jem shook his head. “I do have a lot to study. These classes are harder than the ones I took last semester. I don’t want to get behind.”

Will stared at him for a long minute, and it made Jem squirm. He didn’t want to meet Will’s intense eyes as he tried to diagnose what was wrong with Jem. He worried that Will would be able to see through to the truth of what had happened that weekend. 

“This is about Tess,” Will said finally. “Do you not like her? What’s going on?”

Jem finally met Will’s gaze. “No. I like her very much. It’s just—” his brain stuttered, but Will waited. Jem fished around for an excuse. “I don’t want to get in the way between you two. You both act together like you’ve lived together for years and are already married. I’m not sure where I fit in all of that.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, Jem told himself. He wasn’t sure where he was in terms of Tessa and Will, but what he didn’t say wasn’t that he wanted to be left out, it was that he wanted to be with Tessa in the same way that Will was. He had liked Tessa in the coffee shop the first night, but Will had been the one to fall in love first. Jem could live with that, with Tessa as a pretty girl he had noticed, but Will had been the one to make the first move. But when he had been with her over break, he could almost imagine that he and Tessa were dating with Will on the outside. The whole thing made his head spin. 

Will brought him back. “You’re my friend and my roommate. Whatever happens with Tessa won’t change that. And the apartment is your space, too. You don’t have to retreat into your room when we come in. If you need the space, or need a break, or just want to hang out without Tess, then tell me, James.”

Jem conceded. “Okay.”

Will looked at him for another long minute before he pulled Jem up and out the door to go get breakfast. 


	18. Early Morning Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will worries more over Jem.

On Sunday, Jem spent the day with Will. After breakfast, Jem tucked away his homework and curled up on the couch with Will, drinking tea and watching movies that they talked through. Tessa texted Will once, and Jem was surprised when Will turned down her invitation to spend the night at her place. Jem gave Will a questioning look. Will shrugged in response. “I needed to spend today with you instead. She understands.” Will answered and he slouched further into the blankets, brushing his shoulder against Jem’s. It was a good day. 

On Monday, Jem got another pile of music theory assignments and chemistry lab reports that kept him busy until midnight. Tessa came over and spent the night with Will, but Jem’s solution was to plug in his headphones and pretend he wasn’t actually as lonely as her felt. 

On Tuesday morning, Jem woke to Tessa making coffee and breakfast in the kitchen. Smiling at him, she poured him a mug of coffee and handed him a plate of eggs and toast. He grinned at her and took a deep breath, trying not to let his imagination get carried away with him. 

“Thanks,” he said. “What time did you wake up?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure when I woke up exactly. Will snored last night, and I slept pretty sporadically. I came out here around five and made coffee when I couldn’t take it anymore. He doesn’t usually snore.”

“Only when he’s stressed, which I don’t understand.” Jem answered. “He might have a test coming up or maybe his sister called him asking about relationships again.”

Tessa nodded. “Thanks for the tip.” She finished getting herself a plate of food and came to sit next to Jem at the island. “Are you busy later this week?”

Jem shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. It depends on how much homework I can get done tonight.”

“Well, if you’re free, would you mind reading my essay? I’d ask Will but then we debate theory, and I more need someone to make sure it flows well and I don’t have grammar mistakes.” She was giving him a hopeful look, and without the mention of Will, Jem could imagine this being a conversation any couple would have in the morning. 

He cleared that thought from his head. “What’s it about?”

“Something about Oscar Wilde, but I haven’t actually written it yet. It’s due on Friday. So maybe we could go over it Thursday? I’ll buy you a coffee.” 

Jem searched his brain for an excuse that would let him avoid being alone with Tessa where he would be distracted from her essay by the way she bit her lip or the way her eyes lit up. He couldn’t find anything, so he agreed. “Are we bringing your boyfriend?” he asked. 

Tessa shook her head. “He will argue with me and I won’t get anything done.”

Jem nodded and was saved any further conversation by Will stumbling out of his room. “Why is everyone up so early?” he moaned. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and his hair curled and fell into his eyes. Jem let his eyes wander a moment too long, but Will didn’t notice, and Tessa was too busy doing the same thing. 

“I have to leave for class in twenty minutes, and apparently, you snored so she got up and made breakfast,” Jem answered. 

Will smiled at Tessa. “That’s kind of you. I would have smothered me with a pillow until I stopped snoring.”

Tessa laughed, “I thought about it.”

“Oh?” Will said. “And why didn’t you?”

“I would have missed you too much,” Tessa answered. 

It was a line that immediately switched the tone of the conversation, and Jem felt uncomfortable sitting there. They were making bedroom eyes at each other, and Jem cleared his throat. “I have to go to class,” he excused himself. 

Will frowned at him as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked out the door. 

Tessa’s eyes followed Jem out of the door before turning back to Will. “You’re stressing about him. Jem says you snore when you’re stressed, but I know you don’t have any tests coming up, so you must be worrying about him.”

Will was still staring at the door. “He’s been acting different lately. I don’t know why,” then he paused. “Freshman year, he got really sick and pulled away kind of like this, and I’m worried it might be happening again.” He shook himself out of his trance and poured himself a coffee before sitting next to Tessa. 

She leaned her shoulder into his. “Do you think it’s about me?”

Will shook his head. “No. We talked about that on Sunday, and I thought we fixed it. I’m giving him another few days, and then I am calling his mother. We’re only two weeks into the semester, and although I know he likes to be ahead, there’s no reason for him to be doing homework so much. I don’t know.”

Tessa held his hand and leaned her head onto his shoulder. She rubbed her thumb along the back of his hand as he drank his coffee with the other. “I’m sorry about snoring last night,” he said. 

Laughing, she pressed a kiss to his neck. “It’s alright, Will. There are worse ways to spend the night.” 

He pressed closer to her, but he was still lost in thought. She opened her mouth to tell him about her plans with Jem on Thursday, but she changed her mind last minute. Instead, she pressed her lips to his neck again and let him think. She could tell him later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really short chapter, but I'm writing up to the final chapters I have written, and I'm not quite ready for the story to end yet, so I'm looking for some ways to expand it. Let me know what you thought of this chapter, and thanks for reading!


	19. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem and Tessa meet for their coffee date.

Jem worked himself up so much about Thursday that he almost made himself sick. His stomach turned as he made his way to the coffee shop. Will spent the night with Tessa at her place, so Jem hadn’t seen him all day. He could do this, he convinced himself. He and Tessa were friends. They could exist outside of Will. He arrived at the coffee shop all too soon, and he found Tessa was waiting for him. She was wearing a plain white sweater and jeans, with a grey jacket draped over the back of her chair and her soft brown hair draped in a braid over her shoulder. She was frowning at her laptop, but when she looked up to take a drink of her coffee, she saw him and waved.

He smiled at her and diverted to order himself a coffee. Once he had his coffee in hand, he came to sit across from her. She closed her laptop halfway when she saw him and smiled at him. God, her smile. He blinked once to clear his thoughts. Just breathe, he thought. Just act normal.

“How are you?” she asked.

Jem smiled back at her. “Fine. How are you?”

“Fine. Are you sure you’re alright, Jem?”

How he wished she hadn’t said his name. “What do you mean?” he forced out of his mouth. Desire, panic, and guilt all coursed through him, intermingling and creating a nauseating combination. God, why couldn’t he get himself under control

“You seem nervous,” she said, tilting her head slightly to one side to examine him. “Your hands are shaking and you don’t seem like yourself.”

 _I’m not myself_ , he wanted to say. _I am thinking unthinkable things about my roommate's girlfriend_.

Instead, he said, “too much coffee and not enough food. It’s making my head spin a little.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. He hadn’t eaten all day, despite it being two in the afternoon, and he held his third cup of coffee (a highly caffeinated latte filled with sugary syrup) in his hand. It was making his head spin; it just wasn’t the only thing.

She frowned at him for a minute, and Jem worried that she could see through him. But she didn’t say anything. She simply turned her laptop his direction and stood up. “That’s my essay, if you wouldn’t mind reading it. I’m going to buy you some food.”

“You don’t need to do that,” he protested.

“Nonsense,” she smiled at him again, that radiant beautiful smile. “I’m saving myself the uncomfortable time sitting and staring at you while you read what I wrote. Don’t destroy my way to save myself from awkwardness.”

He laughed, actually laughed, and allowed her to go. He shook his head to clear out all of his thoughts of her and forced himself to focus on what she had written. He left various comments as he read. _I don’t understand the point you’re making here_ or _this comma is misplaced_ , but overall, he didn’t think she needed his help. It was a well-crafted essay. He grinned up at her as she came to sit back down with him. He pushed her laptop back towards her and she pushed a sandwich towards him.

“Thanks,” he said, taking a bite. “I really liked it. I commented where you had a few comma errors and there were a couple sentences I couldn’t understand, but overall, it was really good.”

“Really?” she asked, her eyes going wide. “I wrote it in under an hour. I wasn’t expecting you to like it.”

He shrugged. “I couldn’t tell at all, but maybe you should ask an English major.”

“I did,” she said. “As a part of our grade for this, we have to peer edit, and I was assigned to this guy who was useless helping me with mine. His didn’t even have full sentences.”

“Really?” Jem asked, leaning forward. Their conversation drifted into annoying classmates, and Jem felt the tension slowly leaving his body. He relaxed and just let himself enjoy the conversation and company without worrying about her hair or her smile or the look in her eyes. He could almost pretend his desire for her disappeared entirely.

* * *

 

Two hours later, they ran out of coffee and Tessa got a text.

“It’s Sophie,” she said, showing her phone to Jem. “I told her I’d be home by now and Magnus just came over for dinner.” She smiled apologetically at him.

He shrugged at her. “It’s okay. I should probably be getting back anyways to do homework.”

“It seems like you have lots of homework this semester,” she said.

“Harder classes. I’m needing to study more. It was like this last year, too. Can I walk you home?” he changed the subject. The anxiety had begun to creep back in, and he steered her away from investigating too deep.

“I’d like that,” she said, standing up and pulling on her jacket. Jem did the same. It wasn’t a long walk to Tessa’s apartment, but the temperature had dropped since he had walked to the coffee shop, so when they made it outside, he pulled his hat on and she tucked her arm into his. He forced himself to take a deep breath. This was a thing friends did, he told himself.

“I missed you,” she whispered. “I really enjoyed being with you over break, and I feel like I’ve hardly seen you this semester. I know I’m dating Will, but I’d like to be friends with you too.”

It was exactly what he missed and exactly what he didn’t want to hear. He wanted to be with Tessa, but not as friends, and that was tearing him apart. He forced those thoughts down and smiled at her. He could do this. “I miss you, too. I’ve just been busy.”

She nodded and they walked the rest of the way in silence. When they got to her apartment, she turned to face him without opening the door. It started with her hand on his cheek, and then she tilted her face up and he leaned towards her. He didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late.


	20. The Worst Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the cliffhanger from the last chapter.

Tessa gasped as she shut the door to her apartment. Sophie and Magnus looked up from where they sat on the couch, worry laid plain on their faces. Tessa was shaking her head, making some excuse as Magnus stood. 

“I’m fine,” Tessa heard herself say. “I just-” She couldn’t finish her sentence, but she made her way to her room and made some apology to Magnus as she shut the door on him. 

Tessa sank to her knees by her bed. She couldn’t breathe. 

The taste of Jem was still on her lips, and she ran her fingers through her hair. It brought on a wave of memories. He had leaned towards her and she matched him. They had hovered there for a moment, and she couldn’t remember who kissed whom first, but once their lips had touched, both of them had exploded. She could still feel the imprint of his fingers brushing the skin under her shirt and his hips pushing hers against the wall. She had grabbed him just as desperately, running her own fingers through his hair and wrapping a leg around his hips, pulling him in closer and pressing her tongue into his mouth. Guilt made her stomach turn and she felt the streams of tears running down her cheeks. 

Her phone buzzed and she looked at it. Ten texts lit up her screen. Four from Magnus asking if she was alright and to knock twice if she was alive. Five from Sophie, all long messages about how Sophie would be there for her if she wanted to talk and how she knew Tessa was strong enough to handle whatever was upsetting her. Tessa felt a small smile pull at the corner of her mouth until she looked at the final message. 

Will had texted her:  _ Magnus asked if we broke up and said you were upset. He also included a creative threat of what would happen if I hurt you. Don’t want to give too much detail, but it involved lobsters.  _

Tessa sobbed. She needed to tell him. Her phone rang and Will’s face came up on her screen. It was a picture she had taken in their coffee shop. He held a book in one hand and was grinning up at her. She let the phone ring. It went silent and a few seconds later, her phone buzzed again with another message from Will:  _ can we talk? What’s going on? _

Tessa shook her head. No, she couldn’t talk. She started to type a response explaining what had happened, but she deleted it soon after. She could tell him about the kiss without mentioning Jem, couldn’t she? She wasn’t worth ruining their friendship. With that in mind, she typed another message, but she couldn’t send that one either. 

Will sent another text:  _ the typing dots are worrying me. Are you okay? Just tell me if you’re okay. _

Tessa took a deep breath. Before she could lose her courage, she pressed call. 

He picked up immediately. “Hi.”

“Hey,” she whispered. Her voice cracked and she turned her head to muffle her tears into her shoulder. Hearing his voice sent another wave of guilt through her. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, and she heard the panic laced in his voice as he tried to keep calm. 

“I can’t-” she started, but a sob cut her off, and she forced herself to take a deep breath. “I can’t talk about it, but I’m safe and I’m home.”

“Okay,” he said. “Are you alone?”

“Sort of,” Tessa whispered. “I mean, Magnus and Sophie are in the apartment, but I’m alone in my room.”

The line was silent for a moment, and Tessa held her breath. “Can I help?” he asked finally, and then he was rambling, “Can I come over? Even if you don’t want to talk, I can just stay with you, so you don’t have to be alone. Whatever is going on, I can be there for you. That’s what we’re for, isn’t it? That wasn’t proper grammar, but you get my point. I love you, and I want to be there for you, in any way I can, even though you don’t need me. You’re so strong, Tessa, but you don’t have to go through this alone.”

Tessa sobbed, “I love you, Will. I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean?” Will asked. He wasn’t rambling anymore. Instead, he was calm. “Why are you apologizing?” 

“I need time to think,” she said. “I need to—” she stopped. What did she need? She took a breath. Honesty was better than lying. “Can you come over tomorrow? After class? I need to tell you something.”

“Okay,” he said, and Tessa heard him release a breath. “As long as you promise you’ll be there tomorrow.”

“I promise,” Tessa said, but she felt hollow.

Will took another breath. “I don’t want to hang up. I’m worrying about you.”

“I love you,” Tessa said, and she hung up. Her heart shattered as she did it. She curled up on her floor and cried until she couldn’t keep herself awake anymore and fell asleep with her phone in her hand.

* * *

 

Jem stood still as Tessa closed the door. He had pulled away from her first, gasping Will’s name as he disentangled them. He had watched as the realization hit her and broke her heart. He had seen the tears form in her eyes as she pulled her shirt back in place and picked up her dropped keys. 

His heart raced, and guilt turned in his stomach. The taste of her lingered on his lips. He leaned against the wall in the hallway outside of her apartment. He ran his hand through his hair and took a shaky breath. What had he done?

A scrap of paper on the ground caught his eye, and he bent to pick it up. Will’s scrawled poetry covered both sides of it, and Jem sighed. He needed to return it to Tessa, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock on her door. Instead, he tucked it into his pocket and forced himself to walk away. 

He couldn’t go home and face Will. He wanted to call and talk to someone, but he couldn’t think of anyone to call. All of his friends were friends because of Will and Tessa. Ella, Sophie, Magnus. All of them would prioritize Tessa and Will above him, and he felt sick. He made his way back to campus without a clear picture of why. Maybe he could just walk around until Will fell asleep and sneak back into the apartment then. 

He zipped the jacket that Tessa had unzipped and put his hat on his head. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself for the long night ahead and walked out into the cold.

* * *

 

Will sat alone in the apartment with his phone in his hand. Magnus had texted a few times to let him know that Tessa was okay after Will had assured him that he hadn’t broken up with her. He wanted to talk to Jem, but Jem hadn’t come home after class. 

Will glanced at the time on his phone. Half past ten. Jem’s class had ended six hours ago, far longer than it would have taken him to stop for food or run any errand or even to study at the library. He sent a quick text to Jem asking if he was okay and when he would be home. Will worried about him, and he felt lost. Jem and Tessa were his anchors, and now he had been thrown out to sea. A knot formed in his stomach and he tried to calm down. Turning on the TV, he flipped mindlessly through the channels. 

An hour passed without word from Jem, and Will texted Tessa:  _ I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but have you heard from Jem? He isn’t responding to my messages. _


	21. The Walk Home

Tessa woke up in her bed with the big fuzzy blanket from the living room draped over her. It took a moment to realize what had woken her up, and she saw the screen of her phone lighting up on her desk. She pulled herself from her bed and checked the messages. One from Jem, an apology for kissing her and saying that he would tell Will, if that’s what she wanted. That had been at five. Her clock told her it was a little after midnight. The next series of texts were from Will. 

_ I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but have you heard from Jem? He isn’t responding to my messages. _

_ I’m really starting to worry now. Has he texted you? _

_ I don’t know what to do, Tessa. I can’t be missing both you and Jem.  _

Another text came in as she read through the others:  _ I’m giving him another thirty minutes, and then I’m calling his mother because I don’t know who else to call _ . 

She took a deep breath and dialed Jem’s number. He didn’t pick up, and Will’s worry seeped into her. She called him again and waited anxiously. He answered after a few rings. “Hello,” he said.

Letting out a breath, Tessa answered, “Will is worried about you. He’s threatening to call your mom.”

Jem ignored that. “You’ve talked to him.”

“He called me,” Tessa said carefully. “I’m going to talk to him tomorrow.”

Jem was quiet for a moment. “I can’t face him,” he said. 

“Where are you?” Tessa asked. 

“Campus. I just left the library. I didn’t—” he started, and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to go home because Will is there. I can’t think. When I’m upset, I call Will or I call you, but I can’t do that here. And if you two aren’t available, I would call Ella or Sophie or Magnus, but they all put you and Will first, and I don’t know who to call after that.” 

Tessa’s heart ached. Guilt welled up in her. She hadn’t meant for him to feel so alone. She shouldn’t have kissed him.  “James—” she started. 

“It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I’ll be okay. I’ll go home eventually. I was waiting for Will to be asleep so that I didn’t have to talk to him, but if he’s not going to sleep, I’ll just head back now.”

“Will you stay on the phone with me?” Tessa asked. She switched her phone to speaker for a second while she texted Will that Jem was okay and she would tell him more later.

“I need to tell him, Tess,” he said. “I can’t lie to his face.”

Tessa played with the hem of her sweater. “I want to tell him, too. We can tell him together tomorrow.”

She heard Jem take a deep breath. “It wasn’t just a kiss for me,” he whispered. “You and Will are perfect for each other, and I’m so sorry that I’ve screwed that up. I love you, and I know how wrong that is, and I’ve tried not to for the past few weeks, but that’s why I kissed you.”

Tessa lost the rest of his sentence.  _ I love you _ echoed in her mind. Jem loved her, but she absolutely loved Will. Even her kiss with Jem wasn’t enough to make her doubt that. But she loved Jem too, didn’t she? Otherwise she wouldn’t have kissed him back so desperately. It wasn’t as if she and Will were lacking in sex and that she was horny without a means to resolve it. No, it wasn’t just a kiss for her either. 

Jem was still apologizing, and Tessa cut him off. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “I’m not sure how all of this works and I am confused about how we all fit together, but I do love you, James, even if I still love Will.”

He paused for a minute. Tessa could hear people shouting around him. He was probably just passing a party, filled with rowdy drunk people, but Jem was silent. “I’m sorry,” he said again. 

“Stop apologizing, Jem,” she scolded him. “It is not your fault. I kissed you just as much as you kissed me.”

“I don’t know what else to say,” he murmured. “I don’t know how to deal with this, Tess.” 

She took a deep breath and leaned onto her bed. “So let’s change the subject and talk about something else until you get home. Have you picked your major yet?”

Jem gave a short laugh. “I think so…” And he talked to her about his classes and plans for the future. They talked about everything and anything else until he made it to the front door of his apartment building and he told her goodbye. 

Jem took the stairs up to his apartment with the hope of delaying the inevitable, but all too soon, he reached the door and dug his keys out of his pocket. Jem took a deep breath and opened the door.


	22. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem tells Will about what happened.

Will stood immediately as Jem entered the apartment. He watched as Jem hung up his coat and dropped his keys and backpack on the table. “What the fuck happened to you?” Will demanded. “I was freaking out. I thought you had died.”

Jem leaned his back against the door. He couldn’t meet Will’s eyes. “I kissed Tessa,” he whispered. Silence filled the space between them, and Jem’s heart raced. This was it. He would apologize and move out and he wasn’t sure what else. Or maybe Will hadn’t heard him, and he could still escape from this unscathed.

“Okay,” Will said, and he was so calm that Jem looked up. His expression was controlled and he almost looked relieved. “Did she kiss you back?”

“Yes,” Jem said. “I’m sorry, Will. It shouldn’t have happened.”

Will shook his head, “I am angry at you.” Jem had prepared himself for this, but he hadn’t imagined those words would sting so much. He nodded his head and then Will was in front of him. “I am not angry that you kissed Tessa. I am not angry that she kissed you back. I am angry that you disappeared for hours without a word. I am angry that Tessa wouldn’t pick up my calls. I thought you were dead, James. I called Ella and Sophie and Tessa and Magnus trying to figure out where you were. I can’t—” Will took a deep breath. “After what happened with Ella, I need you to text me. Even if it’s just to say you’re upset and don’t want to talk. Fine. I can sit in my room and not talk to you, but I need to know you’re safe. I don’t want the call that you’re dying in a hospital.”

Jem muttered an apology again. Will put a hand on his shoulder, pressing him back into the door, and waited until Jem looked up at him. “You love her,” Will said.

Jem flinched. “She loves you.”

“Those two things don’t cancel each other out.” Will said. “You love her, and she loves you. That’s why you kissed her? It wasn’t just a sex thing or a you’re-angry-at-me thing, was it?”

Jem just stood still. He didn’t want to have this conversation now. He wanted to go to bed and not meet Will’s intense blue eyes as he asked Jem questions he didn’t know how to answer. He took another breath and looked away. “I love her. I doubt that she really loves me. You and her are perfect for each other. You fill in the empty spaces and fit all definitions of love at first sight. I am the extra piece that’s screwing that up, and I’m so sorry.”

Will pushed Jem’s shoulder against the door and took a step closer. He was so close that Jem could barely see straight. Will’s breath ghosted across his skin as he spoke. “You are not an extra piece. I’m here because of you. I would have failed and dropped out freshman year if it hadn’t been for you. Tessa made it through everything that happened with her bastard brother and horrid aunt because of you. You are important to us, and I am not giving you up because of a kiss, James. Tessa loves you,” Will said, and took a breath. Jem watched his expression change; he could see the tension in his shoulders and the apprehension in his eyes as he steeled himself for what he was going to say next. “Tessa loves you, and so do I.” Then Will pressed forward and kissed him.

For a moment, Jem couldn’t move. He had prepared himself for Will yelling and swearing, for apologies and anger. This was new and unexpected and he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. As Will started to pull back, Jem could see the apology form on his lips, but he pulled Will back into his body. His hips pressed Jem into the door and Jem’s hands were on Will’s waist. “I love you, too,” Jem whispered before his brain could catch up with all of the very rational reasons to not say it, and then he kissed Will back.

Jem started the kiss softly, but Will kissed hard and fast, and Jem struggled to keep up. Will’s tongue explored his mouth and Will’s hips pressed into his. He was surrounded by Will: the feel of his arms around him, the warmth of his body pressed against him, the smell of Will’s cologne, deep and earthy and familiar. His breath came in small gasps as he tangled his fingers in Will’s hair and he lost his ability to breathe completely when Will’s hands slipped under the hem of his shirt. Jem mirrored him, running his fingers along the skin on Will’s back, brushing the waistband of Will’s pants. He missed physical contact, he realized. Kissing Tessa earlier had been the same. He wanted to be wrapped up with someone and feel their warmth against his skin. He wrapped his arms around Will and held him close. He wasn’t sure how long this would last and he wanted to make the most of it.

Will pulled back for a minute so they both could catch their breath. “I want to take you to bed,” Will whispered. He pressed his hips into Jem more, and Jem groaned as he felt Will’s growing desire pressed against his own. Will undid Jem’s belt and began to work on the button on his jeans.

Jem kissed Will’s neck as he let his brain catch up with what was happening. This was Will. He had kissed Tessa. Will was supposed to be yelling at him. This was impossible and complicated and he was exhausted. He found himself shaking his head. “Not tonight,” he said, and Will pulled away slightly. Jem kept his hands on his waist and held him close. “It’s late. We’re both emotional and exhausted. We have class in the morning, and you need to talk to Tessa about this before it happens. I’m not saying no, just not yet. Whatever you and Tessa decide, I’ll go along with it, but you two need to have this conversation first.”

Will pulled back even farther, but he was still close enough for Jem to touch. “Do you have to be so rational? I’m horny and hard and want to take my painfully hot roommate to bed. I can talk to Tessa about it tomorrow.” He paused and smiled. “She already got to kiss you first.”

“Is that what this is about?” Jem questioned, pulling away more from Will. “Is this to get back at her?”

“No.” Will said firmly, and he pressed his lips to Jem’s again. “This isn’t about revenge. This is about us, and my dramatically unrequited and irrevocable love for you. Now can I please take off your pants?”

Jem laughed and kissed Will once more. “I want to now, but we’re sleep deprived and emotional and I have to be at class early tomorrow. I don’t trust that what happened tonight is what we both really feel. Too much has happened today. I need to go to bed, my bed, and sleep.”

“Okay,” Will whispered, stepping back and letting Jem pass. Jem squeezed his hand as he passed and Will ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. He didn’t know what he was doing. Kissing Jem had been completely unplanned, and he didn’t know what to make of it.  Suddenly, the adrenaline that had kept him up all night left his body and he felt the exhaustion hit so hard that he contemplated just sleeping on the floor by the door of the apartment. Instead, he dragged himself to bed, but before he let himself lay down, he sent a text to Tessa: _Jem made it home. I’m sorry I panicked. He told me what happened. I’m not angry or anything. Are you okay tonight?_

She read it almost immediately and responded just as quickly. _We need to talk about it, but not tonight. I’m okay. I love you, Will. Even with the things happening with Jem, I still love you, but I understand if you don’t love me anymore._

Will’s heart broke as he read that last line. He could see the tears on her face, and he felt immediately protective. He couldn’t let her go to bed with her worrying over that, and Will paused before responding. He was so tired his eyes begged for sleep, but he thought about it. Did he still love her? He had been so worried about both Jem and Tessa being safe that he had just been relieved that they were both alright. He had become an overwhelming hurricane of emotions. Kissing Jem was unplanned and unprecedented, and he worried over it for a minute. Why had he done it? His mind hovered over what Jem said. He let himself imagine Jem and Tessa wrapped up in each other, pulling away clothes and running hands across bare skin, going further than he knew they had that afternoon. He imagined Tessa gasping in Jem’s ear, and Jem grabbing onto Tessa’s bare hips as they moved together on her bed and tangled themselves in her soft sheets. He waited for jealousy to rise up, or anger, or disappointment, or anything that would indicate that his love for Tessa had faded, but he came up empty. There wasn’t anything positive associated with the image of them together, but there wasn’t anything negative either. It had just happened, and he didn’t think any less of Jem or Tessa because of it. He texted Tessa: _I love you still. I always will. I know that’s a horrible rhyme, but I do love you, Tess. A kiss isn’t going to change that. I need to sleep on it and think in the morning, but don’t doubt that I love you. Get some sleep. We can talk it through tomorrow._

She typed back, _goodnight, Will._

He smiled and set his phone on his nightstand. He barely pulled his covers on before he fell asleep.


	23. A Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Tessa talk about their feelings for Jem.

Tessa’s classes were hell in the morning. Will was set to come over around eleven, and she worried. Despite his texts reassuring her, the guilt still twisted in her stomach. Sophie had offered her breakfast, but Tessa hadn’t been able to eat any of it. She felt exhausted and high on adrenaline at the same time. Sophie gently probed for answers, but Tessa had shaken her head and told Sophie about Will coming over. Saying Will’s name had been the final straw. The dam broke and Tessa cried in Sophie’s arms, then she had pulled away, dried her eyes, and steeled herself for class. 

When she got back from class, she dropped her backpack off in her room and waited for Will on the couch. He arrived twenty minutes later and she opened the door. Seeing him in person brought on another wave of guilt and she felt the tears form, but she looked away for a second and pushed them away. Will saw it happen, and he pulled her into his arms. He let her cry and simply held her, rocking her slightly back and forth, but mostly he just held her to his chest. Tessa let him hold her for a minute, but then she pulled back. She didn’t deserve this, she thought. She had betrayed him by kissing Jem, and it was unforgivable. It wasn’t something rational people did. 

Will let her pull away, but he held onto her hand. They met each other’s eyes for a minute and Tessa said, “I’m sorry.”

Will didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he moved to brush a strand of hair back from her face, but Tessa moved away. Dropping his hand, Will looked at Tessa. “What are you sorry for?” 

His tone wasn’t accusatory, wasn’t angry, instead, he was calm and curious, as if she had brought up an interesting fact about some author and he wanted more detail. Tessa paused for a second. “I’m sorry for kissing Jem. It was a mistake. I didn’t think it through before I did it, but it was a choice that I made. I betrayed you, and I’m sorry.” 

Will nodded and kept a blank face as he began speaking. “I am not angry at you, Tessa. I don’t feel betrayed by you. I am worried about you because I can see all of the horrible things you’re thinking about yourself, but I am not angry at you.” He took a deep breath and looked away. “I was angry last night, at both you and Jem. I was angry because you both left me, which I could see happening. You’ll both have better careers, you’re both better people than I am. You don’t need me in your life, and I don’t know what to do without the two of you. I lost both of you in less than an hour. I don’t do well with loss, Tess. I’d like to say I do, but I don’t.” Tessa opened her mouth to speak, but he shook his head and continued, “I nearly lost Ella when I was twelve. She was attacked when I was home, and I called the ambulance and the police, but it took them so long to get there. I held her as she nearly bled out. The doctors tried their best, and it took her months before she could come home. And then, my first year at school here, Cecily got really sick and ended up in the hospital, and I couldn’t fly home to protect her. My parents made me stay here and study and go to class, and I barely made it through the semester. I felt responsible. I had always taken care of her, and when I left she got sick, which I know is a false association, but I still feel responsible for it. I don’t cope well when I lose people. I don’t have a system to deal with it, and last night, I panicked.”

“I didn’t know,” she whispered after a moment of silence. 

“I never told you,” he said. He took a deep breath and met her eyes. “We need to talk about this.”

She nodded and led him over to the couch. They sat facing one another, not touching, not looking at each other. Finally, Will spoke up. “Tell me why you kissed him.”

Tessa thought about it for a minute. Will watched the words pull themselves together in her head. She knew what she wanted to say, but she was trying to make it sound better. He grabbed her hand and held it between his own. He wanted her to say what she needed to say. “You don’t need to filter as much as you are in your head,” he said. “Just be honest, and we can work through it. I’m not leaving. I’m not yelling. I want to hear what you’re thinking.”

Tessa took a deep breath. “With you, I knew almost immediately. I knew you were special and that you were the missing piece I hadn’t known I needed in my life. It was instantaneous, like a spark to a fire. Suddenly, I needed you in my life, and you made me better. I never doubted that.” She paused, picking words carefully and choosing how to use them. “With Jem, I didn’t see it coming. I think I could feel it over break, when we would hang out together, and when he came to my brother’s funeral with me, but I dismissed it. I wanted to be with him the same way I want to be with Sophie or Magnus. He was a kind person that I enjoyed being with. When we kissed, it triggered it, I guess. I loved him before the kiss, before I knew that’s what I was feeling. You and I were a spark that started a fire, and Jem was the air I didn’t realize how much I needed him until I lost him yesterday.”

Will squeezed her hand. “You didn’t lose him.”

“I feel like I did,” she said. Tears started to fall again. “I feel like I ruined everything. I ruined my friendship with Jem. I ruined our relationship. I fucked up, and I’m sorry.”

Will paused for a moment. He thought about comforting things he could say.  _ It’s okay _ , but she wouldn’t believe that.  _ I forgive you _ , but that would mean she was at fault in the first place. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed her gently. She tasted of salt and coffee, and he brushed her tears away. She kissed him back just as gently, and he could feel the tension in her body. She was labeling this as their last kiss, piecing it together so that she could remember it when he was gone. It broke him, and he tried to pour his emotions into the kiss: his love for her, his desire to protect her, his promise to stay with her. 

Slowly, he pulled away. “Last night,” he started. “When Jem came home, I pushed him up against the door and told him how angry I was with him.” Tessa nodded and waited for him to continue. “He kept apologizing for kissing you. And I told him—” Will paused. He debated how to tell Tessa what happened. “I kissed him,” Will said finally. And he felt Tessa’s surprise. He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he finished by stating, “Jem is an excellent kisser.”

That broke the tension and made her laugh so hard she had to lean against him. He grinned. “He is,” she said. “Why did you kiss him?”

Will shrugged. “Part of it, I think, or at least Jem thinks, is that I was emotionally exhausted and not thinking clearly.”

“Is that true?” Tessa asked. “Do you feel like it was just a rash decision?”

Will shrugged. “Not really.”

“And the other part of why you kissed him?” Tessa prompted.

“For the same reason as you, I think. I love him, and I just didn’t realize it until last night.”

Tessa held Will’s hand tighter. “How is he today?”

“I don’t know,” Will admitted. “I didn’t see him before class today. I don’t even know if he went to class.”

Preparing herself for what she was planning to say, Tessa took a deep breath. “I worry about him. Last night, on the phone, he told me he didn’t have anyone to talk to about this because all of his friends were his friends because of us. I don’t like that I put him in that position. He should have been able to call someone and talk about it.”

That hit Will hard, and he felt immediately guilty. “He could have called Ella. She would have been a neutral party, even though she’s my sister. She would have talked to all three of us independently and helped each of us work through this.”

Tessa nodded. “I don’t know what to do with this now. We’ve all said we’re okay, but where do we go from here?” She paused, “I want to kiss him again. I know that’s crazy, and I have no idea how we work this out. I love him,” she admitted. “But I also love you, Will. And losing you terrifies me.” 

Will kissed her. He pulled her into his body and kissed her hard and desperate. She matched his intensity and wrapped her arms around him. They each poured all of their tension, all of their desire, into the kiss. Will pressed her back onto the couch so that he lay above her, his hips resting between her legs and his chest pressed into hers. For a moment, he worried that the weight of his body was too much, but she wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him in closer. Tessa stopped kissing him for a moment, although she didn’t move away. “I love you,” she whispered against his mouth. 

“I love you, too,” he said, just as desperately. Then, Will’s phone buzzed in his pocket and against Tessa’s leg, which made her jump. Will sat up and for a moment, he just looked at her before he acknowledged the text. Her cheeks were flushed and her shirt had ridden up her stomach a little. He smiled at her, and she returned it, and then he looked at the screen. 

“It’s Jem,” Will said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll have the next chapter up soon.


	24. A Phone Call

Jem spent the morning in bed. He didn’t go to class. He didn’t make coffee. He just laid in bed and played games on his phone so that he wouldn’t have to think about what happened the day before. He colored pixels. He downloaded new games because he reached hard levels on the others and didn’t want to put in the effort to work past them. He checked Instagram and then closed it before reopening it and scrolling through the pictures he had already seen. 

He heard Will in the shower, Will making coffee, Will getting ready, Will leaving. It made Jem nervous. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Was he supposed to talk to Will? Or were they ignoring it? He didn’t think he could face Will without talking about what had happened. His brain focused on Will for a minute. Last night came rushing back, Will’s hands on Jem, slipping under his t-shirt. Will tasted of coffee and something sweet, and Jem let himself imagine what would have happened if he hadn’t stopped Will. They would have gone back to Will’s room, and he pictured Will pushing him onto the bed and taking off his clothes. He imagined being tangled in Will so much he couldn’t differentiate where Will started and he ended. And then they would have fallen asleep pressed together. And then Will would have woken him up in the morning, and pushed Jem away because he was supposed to be with Tessa instead. That image stung. The idea of Will rejecting him hurt. And the same would have happened with Tessa if he hadn’t stopped. They would have been able to have a good night, Jem let himself believe, but when morning came, she would have pushed him away in favor of Will. 

And why wouldn’t they push him away? He had thrown a wrench into the perfect system they had built together. It wasn’t fair to them. They deserved to be together. Tessa could move in with Will, and they would turn Jem’s room into a library, and together, they would build a life together without him. 

It hurt. It hurt so badly to be losing the two people he cared so much about, the two people he could talk to, but it couldn’t be the three of them together. It wasn’t how relationships worked, and he didn’t fit into the system, regardless of what Will had said the night before. He pulled out his phone and texted Will.

* * *

 

“What did he say?” Tessa asked as Will frowned at the phone.

“Just ‘hi’,” Will said. Sitting back, he turned the phone so that Tessa could see the screen. “I don’t know how to have this conversation.”

Tessa leaned her head on Will’s shoulder and tapped the phone to call Jem on speaker. It rang for a while before he picked up. 

“Hi,” he said. 

Tessa took a deep breath. “James,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m—” they heard him take a deep breath. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to deal with this. A lot happened last night and I don’t know where we stand.”

“Will and I are still together,” Tessa started, and Jem didn’t respond, so she continued. “And we both don’t want to lose you.”

“Okay,” Jem said. 

“And,” Will said, smirking. “We both would very much like to take you to bed.”

“Will!” Tessa admonished. 

Will smiled at her. “What? Is that not true? I take that back, James. I would like to take you to bed, and Tessa is more than welcome to join us.”

Tessa heard Jem give a shaky laugh, and she spoke up. “Do you have class today, Jem?”

“None that I need to go to,” he answered.

She took a deep breath. “Then would you be opposed to spending the afternoon in bed?”

“I just—” Jem started. “I would love that, but are we okay? I was expecting a longer conversation. You’re both wordy people, and this isn’t an easy problem. I know we talked independently last night, but it was late, and I don’t want you to feel obligated to stick with what you said. I don’t want to rush into this if it’s not what you want. I can leave. I feel like I should leave and let you two be together.”

Tessa started to speak, but Will interrupted her. “Don’t do that,” he said so quickly it took Tessa a moment to process, but Will kept going. “Don’t do that thing, James, where you put everyone else first and offer to give everything up. And if you offer to move out like you did before, I will hit you. If you really don’t want this, then say so, and we can figure it out, but I don’t want to listen to you act like you don’t deserve happiness.”

The line was silent for a minute, and Tessa looked at Will. He had a new look in his eyes, one of fiery determination, but also one of fear. He didn’t want Jem to walk away, and he was holding on desperately to anything he could. She opened her mouth to say something, but Will caught her look and spoke first. “I’m not trying to be angry. But you can be selfish here. It’s okay. Tell me what you want.”

Jem took a deep breath, and Will held Tessa’s hand. “I want to be with the both of you, but I also don’t want to be the one who gets in between what you have. I want more of what happened last night.”

Will smirked. “You want more screaming and staying up at unreasonable hours?”

“William,” Jem said. A short statement, but Tessa could hear the weight behind it. 

“Yes, James? I didn’t say it had to be bad screaming. I would love to keep you up until two AM screaming my name, but if you meant the kissing, then I would be very excited about that too.”

Tessa pushed on Will’s shoulder. “You’re incorrigible. We’re not having this conversation in my living room when Sophie is supposed to be home any minute. Let’s go back to your place, and we can talk through this in person.” 

Both of the boys agreed, and Tessa hung up the phone. She brushed Will’s hair back from his face. “You talk about sex when you’re nervous,” she said. 

“You go silent when you’re nervous,” he said. “It’s slightly terrifying while my jokes are hilarious.” 

“You really are incorrigible,” she said. “We need to leave. Jem will worry if we take too long.” 

“One more kiss,” Will protested. “And then we’ll go home and kiss Jem.”

She laughed and indulged him before grabbing her bag and pulling Will out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the three of them coming together as a bumpy road, so the next few chapters are them trying to figure out how they fit together. I think that in order for that to be possible, they each need space to think about themselves as well as each talking with the others, so that's why it's not just a simple solution. But please let me know if you think it feels in character for this story, and as always, thanks for reading!


	25. Tension and Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will, Jem, and Tessa meet for the first time to discuss their feelings.

**** Jem didn’t know what to do with himself. He got out of bed, put on some jeans and a plain shirt, and splashed cold water on his face. His eyes were puffy like he had been crying. He didn’t remember crying, but he wouldn’t dismiss the possibility. Instead, he splashed more water on his face and hoped it didn’t look too obvious. He brushed his teeth. He made his bed. He kept trying to find things to do with his hands. Should he change? What if they took him to bed like Will said? Should he put on something nicer? Should he wait in the living room or sit in the kitchen? He really wanted to hide in his bedroom and never come out, but that wasn’t an option. He needed to talk to Tessa and Will, but fear coursed through him. His stomach turned with nerves. 

Before he was ready, he heard the key turn in the lock and Will and Tessa came in. 

“Hi,” he said, standing awkwardly. 

Will crossed the room and pulled Jem into a hug so tight that it knocked the breath out of him for a moment. Jem hugged him back with just as much intensity. Will whispered in his ear. “Tell me what you need.”

Jem shook his head. “I don’t know.” 

Will pulled back to look in Jem’s eyes, and Jem immediately missed the warmth of him. He saw Tessa standing still by the doorway and she smiled at him. Will pulled away even further and held a hand out to Tessa. She came to stand with him, wrapping an arm around his waist, and Will kissed her briefly, gently, while still holding onto Jem’s hand. Then he turned from Tessa and kissed Jem just as gently. It was strange, Jem thought, to taste Tessa on Will’s mouth. A hand that wasn’t Will’s touched his cheek, and that was strange too. He pulled away and Tessa looked up at him. 

“I’m worrying about you,” she said. 

He took a deep breath. “Why?” he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral but it came out shaky instead. 

She paused for a minute before she spoke again. “I feel like you’re wanting to talk about this. It’s new and none of us have any experience in dealing with this. I want to make sure you’re okay before we go any further.

Her hand still rested on his cheek and he leaned into it while he figured out what he wanted to say. She waited for him patiently. “I don’t trust this,” he said finally, and Tessa rubbed her thumb along his cheekbone and he closed his eyes. “I know you two keep saying that this is okay, but I feel like I’m falling off of a cliff. I can believe that we could have a good night, that this could even last for a little while, but I think it will fail eventually, and I will be left heartbroken on the side.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m thinking I want to leave before that happens and I get too invested. I think I’m going to walk away.”

Tessa brushed away tears he didn’t realize had fallen, and he opened his eyes. Her gray eyes were riddled with worry and he glanced up briefly to see Will’s intense blue eyes with the same worry reflected in them. Jem started to disentangle himself. He let go of Will’s hand and stepped away from Tessa, but she followed him. 

“If you want to walk away from this, you can,” she said, and he nodded. “But listen to me first. Any relationship is a risk. It’s about placing your trust in people who might turn on you and exposing your vulnerabilities to people who might hurt you. That happens with friends and families and even with books that you get too attached to. Things go bad in the world, and it’s scary, and I know this is a big risk, but we don’t need to start there, Jem. This doesn’t need to be the time where walls come crashing down and we figure everything out today. You call the shots here. If you want to go to bed, then we can go to bed. Or we can go out to dinner and a movie and have an actual date. Or if you want to walk away, you can. And Will and I will still be here for you. We’re both willing to take the risk of heartbreak if this falls apart and we lose you, but I know you’re in a different place and I don’t want you to feel pressured into taking a risk you’re not comfortable taking.”

Jem didn’t know how to respond to that, and she didn't force him. Instead, she stepped in closer and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her tightly to him. “I don’t know,” he whispered into her hair. 

She tightened her arms around him. “That’s okay,” she whispered back. “You don’t have to know right now and you don’t have to be okay, but you don’t need to be alone on an island either and deal with this on your own. If you need to talk to Will or me individually, you can. Or Will said you could call Ella and talk to her. Or even call your mom and talk it through with her, but please don’t lock yourself away and blame yourself.”

“You can’t do that either, Tess,” Will said, and Jem looked up at him but didn’t pull away from Tessa. “Whatever happens here between us, neither of you get to do what happened last night. You two don’t get to blame yourselves and isolate yourselves from me. That’s my one rule here is that you are honest with me about how you’re feeling. You both cover up your feelings in order to save others, and I need that to not happen. You both need to take care of yourselves.”

Tessa pulled away from Jem to look at Will, and she opened her mouth to respond but Will’s phone rang and cut her off. Will pulled his phone out of his pocket and swore in Welsh. “It’s Ella,” he said. “I was texting her last night and I forgot to call her today. I’m going to go in my room and talk to her.”

He hesitated, and Jem could see a crack in the armor that Will had been wearing. “We’ll be here,” Jem said, and he watched Will’s shoulders relax. He had needed to hear that. He was worried about Jem and Tessa leaving him just as much as Jem feared losing Will and Tessa. Will nodded and picked up the call as he walked out of the room and left Jem and Tessa alone. 


	26. Asking for Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will talks to Ella.

“Hey,” Will answered. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Ella said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to last night. Jessie and I went out and didn’t get home until late, and I figured you had gone to sleep. What’s going on? Did Jem make it home okay?”

“Yeah. He’s home,” Will said as he shut the door and sat down on the edge of his bed. “It’s complicated.”

“I didn’t think it wouldn’t be. No one calls at eleven for an easy question, not even a college student with a terrible sleep schedule.”

“My sleep schedule isn’t terrible,” Will protested.

Ella sighed. “It is, but that wasn't my point, William. What happened last night?”

Will took a deep breath. “Don’t tell mom or Cecy,” he said, and he felt like a little boy again. He had said that before when he was nine. He scraped his knee while trying to climb up the side of the shed in the yard so that he could lay on the roof and look at the stars. He wasn’t supposed to be out that late, so he hadn’t wanted to tell his mom and get in trouble, nor had he wanted to be a bad example for Cecily. Instead, he had gone to Ella in the middle of the night, and she had bandaged him up and tucked him into bed. He needed some of that now, someone to talk care of him and wouldn’t tell him off.  

“I won’t,” Ella said on the phone. “You’re worrying me, William.”

“Jem kissed Tessa,” he said finally. “Or they kissed each other. It wasn’t one-sided.” 

“Oh, Will,” she said, and he didn’t respond. After a moment, she added, “there’s more to it, isn’t there?”

“Yeah,” Will said, and all of his fears of losing Jem and Tessa came crashing down around him. He sobbed and it broke what he wanted to say. “Yeah, there’s more.” Ella waited for him to continue. “It happened yesterday afternoon, and they both disappeared. Tessa didn’t respond to my texts, and Jem wandered campus and didn’t come home until nearly one in the morning and he wouldn’t pick up my calls. I talked to Tessa about it this morning and we’re still together, but I was so scared that I lost them both yesterday.”

Ella didn’t answer immediately. “Why are you and Tessa still together?” she asked. 

“Because I love her,” Will said automatically. He didn’t doubt that anymore. He did love her. 

“Do you think that maybe your fear of losing the two of them is compromising your ability to think about yourself? You’re always so headstrong about loyalty in a relationship. I didn’t have you picked as someone who would get over cheating so easily.”

Will shook his head and took an unsteady breath. “I love Jem, too.”

“I know that, Will,” Ella said. “You two are great friends—”

He cut her off. “No, El. I love him the same way I love Tessa. I—” he paused. “I kissed him last night when he came home.”

“Oh,” Ella said and then was silent. 

Will sighed, “yeah.”

Ella started a few sentences but gave up on each of them before they reached any level that Will could understand what she was going. “One sec,” she said, and Will heard Jessamine’s voice come through the other side of the line, but he didn’t pay attention to what she said. “Not right now,” Ella answered. “I need to help Will, but maybe later?” There was another response before she came back to Will. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright,” Will said. “You can go if you need to.”

“I don’t need to. Jessie wants to go out shopping, but she always wants that. You are more important right now. How is Jem with all of this?” Ella asked. 

“He’s beating himself up. He’s been withdrawn for a few weeks now, so I think he’s been trying to deal with this on his own for a while, and he keeps saying that he can leave. He’s worried that Tess and I will break his heart, and he’s doing his self-sacrificing thing that I wish he wouldn't. He deserves to be happy.”

“So do you, William, and you are the same way. He wants to protect the people he cares about, and for him, that means removing himself from the situation. He’s trying to get out of this in the least painful way possible both for himself and for you.”

“But I don’t want him to leave,” Will protested, and he could hear how childish he sounded. “I want the three of us to figure out a way that all of us can be together.”

Ella paused again. “I know you do, and I know that if there’s anyone that can make that work, it would be you. You love so wholly, without any reservations, but, Will, Jem may not do that.”

Will felt the tears roll down his cheeks. He didn’t want to lose Jem and Ella suggesting that it couldn’t work was tearing him apart. “How do I get through this, El? I am completely in love with Tessa. I loved her almost immediately, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to build a life with her and have kids with her. I’ve spent hours picturing a future together with her, and I haven’t been able to explore that with Jem, but I could if he gave me the chance. I’m so scared of losing them, and—” he sobbed. “I am so scared that they’ll leave me behind. They’re both going to have perfect lives with great careers, and I’m not sure I’ll live up to that. What happens then?”

“Regardless of what happens with Jem and Tessa, you are going to be a successful and happy person.” Ella sighed, “and I would just tell you to take it slowly. Don’t rush Jem into anything he isn’t comfortable with and don’t expect them to be okay with it right away. It may take some time and you’ll need to do baby steps to get there. Take Jem out for dinner. Let them go out on a date and then spend time with the three of you, but don’t rush into just because you’re scared of losing them. They are two great people who love you, Will. You have to trust that they’re going to be there for you.”

“Thanks, El.” Will said. He took a deep breath. His panic was starting to subside. 

“Anytime,” she said. “Where are you?”

“In my room. They’re talking in the living room.” 

“Then go back out there with them and spend the afternoon finding their boundaries and resolving the tension because it will be a hard week if the three of you are on edge.”

Will nodded and thanked Ella again for talking him through everything before he said his goodbye. He sat alone in his room for a minute and let himself process everything she had said. Take it slow. He could do that. Slowly, he stood up and walked back out to talk to Jem and Tessa. 


	27. Getting Comfortable

Will walked out to the living room to find Tessa sitting by herself, scrolling through her phone. “Where’s Jem?” he asked.

“In his room,” she answered. “He said he needed some time to think, and I told him I’d check on him in an hour.”

“When was that?” Will pressed. His worry for Jem crept back. He didn’t like that he was isolating himself again.

“Thirty minutes ago. Right after you went to talk to Ella,” Tessa said. Will nodded and walked over to her. She pulled him down with her on the couch and he laid his head in her lap. She twisted her fingers through his hair and massaged his temple. Losing himself in the sensation for a minute, Will closed his eyes and sighed. “He’ll be okay, Will,” Tessa assured him. “But he’s feeling overwhelmed. He needed some space, but we’ll check on him in half an hour. What did Ella say?”

“She was checking on me. I texted her last night about Jem not coming home,” Will started. “I told her everything,” he said and then paused. Maybe Tessa didn’t want other people to know. 

She picked up his thought as easily as if he had said it aloud. “It’s alright, Will. It’s a difficult situation. You can talk to people about it. I’d appreciate it if the whole campus didn’t know about it, but you are allowed to ask for help.”

Will nodded and relaxed back into the feeling of her fingers playing with his hair. “She said we needed to take baby steps. That Jem is trying to protect everyone from heartbreak and pulling away is his way of doing that. She also said that I shouldn’t force the two of you into this if you don’t want it.”

Tessa didn’t speak immediately, and her fingers stopped long enough that Will opened his eyes to look up at her. She smiled down at him. “I won’t speak for him, but I do want this. And I agree with your sister. You and I have had nearly two months to figure out how we fit together, and Jem’s spent the past month convincing himself that this won’t work. It’s not going to be resolved in an hour, and it may not be completely comfortable for a while, but I’m willing to try.” 

Will pulled her down to kiss her, and she kissed him back gently but pulled away all too soon. Frowning up at her, he tried to pull her back down. She shook her head. “That hurts my neck. If you want to kiss me, you’ll have to sit up, but I’m perfectly content to sit here like this with you until we check on Jem.”

Will didn’t sit up to kiss Tessa. Instead, he stayed where he was and held her unoccupied hand in both of his. “Thirty minutes is too long,” he complained. 

Tessa brushed his hair back from his forehead. “Not really, and he needs to know that he can have his space without us getting in the way.”

“Right now,” Will said, “I hate that you’re right.”

Tessa laughed and that made Will smile. “I know, but that doesn’t make me any less right.”

Will laughed with her and settled in. They spent the next thirty minutes in a comfortable silence.

* * *

 

Will convinced Tessa to check on Jem ten minutes early, and he pulled her up off of the couch. She stumbled into him and used the motion to wrap her arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug. “I love you,” she whispered. 

“I love you,” he returned, tilting her chin up so that he could look her in the eyes before he pressed his mouth to hers. “Let’s check on Jem,” he said. 

They knocked on his door, but he didn’t answer, and Will pushed the door open. Jem was laying on the bed with his headphones in and his eyes closed. Will stepped away from Tessa and put his hand on Jem’s leg. Jem startled and blinked up at him, slowly pausing his music and pulling his headphones out of his ears. “I didn’t hear you come in,” Jem said, sitting up and crossing his legs. “How was Ella?”

“Fine,” Will said. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Jem said. “I had a bit of a breakdown earlier, but I’m okay now.”

Tessa came to sit next to Jem on the bed. “Let’s watch a movie here,” she said. “That’s something we’ve done before, and we don’t have to do anything more, but I really would like to snuggle in bed with you and Will. I think we could all use the comfort now, and we can go out and get dinner later.”

Jem nodded. “I can do that, but we should go in Will’s room because he has a TV and my laptop is dead.”

Will smiled at Jem and Jem smiled back. Together, the three of them made their way across the hall to Will’s room. Jem sat on the edge of the bed, but Tessa shook her head at him. “You be in the middle. Will’s comfy to lay on, and you need the physical contact more than I do.” 

Jem laughed. “He’s comfy?”

“I am,” Will said. “I make an excellent pillow. I put Egyptian cotton and down feathers to shame.”

It made Jem laugh again, and the tension in both Tessa and Will eased to see Jem happy. Will laid down and pulled Jem into his side. Jem laid his head on Will’s chest, and Tessa curled in behind him. She pressed herself into his back and he returned it by reaching for her hand. They settled into a comfortable position and Will turned the TV to the first recommendation that came up. For the first time, the tension that surrounded the three of them broke. 


	28. Waking Up

Jem woke up to quiet voices over his head without remembering falling asleep. Slowly, he pulled himself out of the grogginess of sleep and tuned into the conversation without opening his eyes.

“We should order pizza,” Will said.

Tessa laughed at him. “You always want pizza.”

“When you can’t cook, your food options become very limited.”

“Pick something else,” Tessa insisted. “It’s Friday. We should go out and try something new.”

“See the difference here is that you are planning a date while I am planning dinner. I’m starving. I don’t know how my stomach hasn’t woken him up yet,” Will said.

Jem thought for a moment but it wasn’t Will’s stomach that had woken him up, it was the warmth that came from being pressed between two people for what had probably been hours. Sweat had started to bead on his forehead making him uncomfortably sticky. He had made it through the first movie Will had picked, a mystery thriller that Jem had found interesting, but then he turned it to another that Jem hadn’t paid attention to and had drifted off instead. Sometime during that, Tessa had pulled a blanket up over them, and while it was nice to be warm, he needed some air. Slowly, he shifted, pulling back from Will and sitting up. They both made room for him.

“Hi,” he said, and Tessa smiled at him.

“Will is hungry and we are planning where to get dinner,” she explained.

Jem nodded. “Food sounds good. Where were you thinking?”

“Pizza,” Will said at the same time Tessa answered, “not pizza.”

They laughed together, and for a minute Jem was on the outside looking in, but Tessa reached for him and brushed his hair back from his forehead. Suddenly, the moment wasn’t about Tessa and Will but instead shifted to Tessa and him. Tessa shared a look with Will that Jem didn’t totally understand, but when Will nodded, Tessa pulled Jem back down into the blankets. Before he recognized what was happening, he was laying over her. Jem cast a glance at Will and Will smiled and readjusted to lay by Tessa’s side. Placing her hand gently on his cheek, Tessa pulled his attention back to her. They made eye contact for a moment and Jem leaned in to kiss Tessa. It started off as a gentle press of lips but Tessa deepened the kiss and Jem didn’t protest.

This was different than the last kiss they had shared. In the hallway, they had been a desperate collision, pulling on clothes and pressing together as if they were gasping for air. This kiss was an exploration. Tessa’s hands ran across his back, down his arms, and back up to lace her fingers through his hair. Jem pressed his hips into hers and kissed her harder, turning the kiss into a conversation based on the interplay of tongue and teeth.

Will faded into the background, but he was still present. His hand stroked up and down Jem’s back and then smoothed across Tessa’s stomach. He murmured happy things in both of their ears. When Will spoke, it was too loud in the quiet peace Jem and Tessa had built. “As much as I am enjoying spectating, and I am enjoying it very much, I am starving and need to get food.”Jem stopped kissing Tessa but he didn’t move away from her as they both laughed at Will. “I am very serious,” Will continued. “I would really like this to continue, but I do need food first. I haven’t eaten at all today and it’s nearly six.”

Tessa laughed again and tapped on Jem’s chest until he sat back and let her up. “That brings us back to the question of where we want to go to eat.”

Jem smiled. “There’s an Italian restaurant about a block away. Then Will can have his pizza, but you and I don’t have too.”

They all agreed on that plan and pulled themselves out of bed. Jem changed his shirt, and Tessa brushed her hair and then they were out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a super short chapter, but I didn't want to take away from the next chapter to make this one longer. The next chapter should be up sometime later this week. Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	29. Coming Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will, Jem, and Tessa go on their dinner date and finally come together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated this chapter since it was first posted because I didn't feel like Jem in this chapter fit how I characterized him throughout the story. Let me know what you think of the new version.

Dinner brought back a little bit of the awkwardness that Will thought they had left behind. The waiter gave them a round booth so Will sat in the middle with Jem and Tessa on either side. He spent most of dinner testing limits like Ella had said. Take it slow, he reminded himself. Jem and Tessa’s kiss had broken down one wall, a calculated risk that Will and Tessa had discussed while Jem slept, and no one had exploded. Brushing his knee against Tessa’s made her smile at him. Reaching for Jem’s hand under the table was a risk, and although Jem’s cheeks turned the color of the tablecloth, he didn’t pull away. Instead, he adjusted himself so that he could hold Will’s hand and still manage to eat his food. The conversation was casual, and Will didn’t pay much attention to it. Jem had called his mom. Tessa did better on her American Lit essay than she thought. All simple respectful things that any group of friends might have discussed. 

“Where did you go?” Jem interrupted Will’s thoughts. 

Will shook his head. “What?”

Brushing his hair back from his eyes, Tessa smiled at him. “You faded out for a bit. Jem and I had a very scandalous conversation and you didn’t even blink or make a joke. Jem made a ridiculous comment about positions and you missed it entirely.”

“Did I?” Will laughed, squeezing Jem’s hand and leaning into Tessa. “What a tragedy! Jem never makes dirty comments. I refuse to believe that his mind is as corrupted as mine.” Making jokes was something that Will could handle. It put the decision on Jem and Tessa. If they seriously wanted to take about sex and scandal, then he could sober up. If not, then jokes broke the tension.

“Maybe you corrupted me,” Jem said, leaning in a little towards Will. This was flirting, Will told himself and took a breath. He could do this. He flirted with Tessa constantly, and flirting with Jem wasn’t that different. Tiny steps in the right direction, he thought. Jem was testing the limits just as much as Will was. 

“I have every intention of corrupting you, James.” Will grinned and Jem matched it. “I plan on seducing you entirely. Fancy dinner, nice clothes, cologne. I only wish we had some wine.”

“I don’t,” Jem said immediately, pulling back slightly. “I don’t want this to be a decision we make because of alcohol.”

“That wasn’t my intention,” Will quickly recovered. “If I wanted to get you drunk and out of your pants, I would have suggested shots of some cheap alcohol that smells like something you shouldn’t ingest. I merely want a glass of dark moderately-priced red wine to swirl while I make you swoon.”

That startled a laugh out of Tessa. “Let’s go home. We’ve paid the bill, and we’re getting looks from that couple over there.”

“What happens when we get home?” Jem asked. Will could see the tension return in Jem’s shoulders. 

Will kissed Jem’s cheek, which he knew got a few choice comments out of the couple Tessa had pointed out. “Whatever you want,” Will said. 

Jem nodded, “okay.” And then he was pulling everyone out of the booth and towards the door. As soon as they left the restaurant, Will wrapped his arms around both Jem’s and Tessa’s shoulders. They didn’t say anything on the walk back, but he kept both of them close.

* * *

 

The tension didn’t return as they entered the apartment. Tessa took off her jacket, and it pulled up the hem of her shirt, leaving a bit of skin exposed that both of the boys focused on. She smirked at them and pulled her sweater off, leaving her in just the thin tank top underneath. “It’s far too warm in here,” she said. 

No one responded to her comment, but Jem blushed and Will smirked. The flash of desire that ran through Tessa was a visible thing. Goosebumps raised on her arms and she bit her lip. Will pulled Tessa in for a kiss and reached for Jem at the same time. Will’s fears of Jem walking away dissipated as he and Tessa kissed. Jem was as much of a part of the moment for Will as Tessa was. Jem’s hands worked with Will’s to pull Tessa’s tank top off and his lips traced patterns down Will’s neck and worried on his collarbone long enough Will knew there would be a mark there in the morning. 

Through some communication that Will missed, Jem and Tessa switched. Now Jem’s lips pressed to his and their hands pulled Will’s shirt over his head. Will pulled away from both of them so that he could catch his breath. All three of them stood in the living room breathing heavily. 

“We should go to bed,” Jem said. 

Tessa ran her hand under the hem of Jem’s shirt. “You should take this off,” she said. 

Jem kissed her once quickly and did as she said. Tessa looked him up and down, and Jem’s confidence faltered. He looked down and fiddled with his shirt in his hands, but Tessa didn’t leave him there for long. Grabbing his shirt and dropping it on the floor, she pulled Jem into a desperate kiss. Will laughed and watched them move together. Jem’s tongue pressed into her mouth, and she moaned slightly. Hearing her moan caused Jem to pull her even tighter to his body, their hips meeting and Will doubted there was enough room between them to breathe. He stepped into their bodies and shivered at the feel of skin against skin. It was fascinating to watch the way they moved together. Jem’s confidence flared and he dared to bite Tessa’s lower lip or run his hands along the side of her breasts, and then it would fade away as his brain caught up with his body, but before it made Jem pull away and apologize, Tessa would reciprocate. Will watched the pent-up tension of the last few weeks slowly release as they came together, finally being able to do what they hadn’t known they’d wanted. 

For a while, that was enough, but Will missed the feeling of warm skin against his. Jem’s head was tilted away, so Will started a trail of bruises down Jem’s neck. Jem groaned in response, and Will smiled as he licked sweat-slicked skin. 

“That was so hot,” Tessa murmured, pulling away from Jem briefly. She had her eyes closed, and they hadn’t lost any of the distance between them. 

“We should go to bed,” Jem repeated, and he pulled away. Will smiled and pulled the two of them to his room. Will glanced at Tessa before he pulled Jem over to sit on the edge of the bed. Tessa sat up behind him, stroking his shoulders and leaving a matching trail of bruises down Jem’s throat. Will knelt in front of him, and Jem held eye contact as Will unbuttoned Jem’s jeans and pulled them off. Sitting completely bare made Jem nervous, Will could see it in his eyes, so he slowed and pulled him in for another kiss. When he felt that Jem had calmed, Will kissed a line down Jem’s chest and stomach and finally down to his cock. Looking up at Jem, Will took him into his mouth, and the reaction was immediate. Jem moaned and leaned back into Tessa, which unbalanced her for a moment before she recovered and grinned at Will.

“Go slow,” she said over Jem’s shoulder. “Use your hand, too.”

Will smiled up at her and followed her instructions as he played with suction and speed, alternating between using his tongue and stroking with his hand. Jem moaned and started to buck his hips into Will’s mouth before he murmured, “wait, stop. I’m not—” Will stopped and Jem took a second to catch his breath. “I don’t want it to be over yet.”

Will grinned at him and leaned up to kiss him. He stood and pulled Tessa up with him. 

“You need less clothes,” Will said. 

Tessa laughed, “oh? And what do you suggest I do about that, William?”

Her saying his name sent a flash of desire through him, and Will paused for a moment, but Jem interjected. “Take them off,” he said, and pulled Tessa to stand between his knees. Will met his gaze and Jem smiled at him before turning his attention back to Tessa. He methodically undid the button on her pants while Will unclasped her bra. Between the two of them, Tessa was bare within seconds, and they both stared at her. 

Jem tugged her forward slightly and kissed her chest before pulling her nipple into his mouth. She gasped and leaned into him. Will wrapped a hand around her waist and used the other to brush her thigh. He slowly slid it up until his fingers could explore her. “You’re so wet, Tess,” he murmured in her ear. In response, she groaned and reached a hand up to run through his hair. She had the other hand in Jem’s hair, and together, they teased her until she gasped for air and pleaded for an orgasm that they stopped short of. They both pulled away and Tessa swayed on her feet for a moment before she turned to Will. She undid his pants and pulled them off, and she led both of them up onto the bed. 

“Lay down,” she told Will. He did as she said and Jem slid in next to him. He kissed Jem and lost himself in Jem’s touches for a minute, and then Tessa slid down onto him. Will gasped and reached for her. Tessa kissed him and started to move, and for a minute, it was just them. She moved her hips, and he held her hands in his, both supporting her and holding on to her.  

And then there were Jem’s hands wandering over skin. Tessa’s breasts. Will’s stomach. Someone’s legs. It became impossible to differentiate where one person ended and another started. Between Jem’s touches and Tessa’s hips, Will came far earlier than he would have liked. He arched into Tessa and groaned. She smiled as she kissed him again, and then she was rearranging them so that she lay beneath Jem and it was Jem who was inside of her. Coming together for them was a relief that Will saw written across both of them.

“Oh, god,” Jem groaned as he started to thrust. He went harder than Will would have expected and Tessa moved her hips in time. Will watched Tessa’s reactions and then reached his fingers between them to rub her clit. Tessa’s back arched and she moaned as Jem continued to thrust into her. By the time he finished, the two of them were a sweaty mess of limbs tangled together. 

Will pressed in next to them and kissed both of them in turn. “Love you both,” he said. 

Tessa smiled up at him, and Jem muttered something sleepy and happy. 

They fell asleep tangled together.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. I was so happy to finish this chapter of the three of them. I still have some future chapters planned, but at least this conflict was resolved. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think. :)


	30. A Perfect Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem, Tessa, and Will wake up with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reworked the last chapter because I felt like Jem was out of character for this story, so please go back and read through the new version.

Tessa woke up disoriented and warm. Her head was on Will’s chest, and Jem’s chest was pressed against her back. She smiled and snuggled in for a minute, but she was too warm to really be comfortable and her stomach rumbled. Like Will, she hadn’t really eaten the day before and her body protested. Carefully, she disentangled herself and slipped out of bed. Will and Jem simply readjusted themselves without waking up. Tessa pulled on her underwear and one of Will’s shirts and a pair of pajama shorts she had left there from before. 

She left the bedroom and went to find her phone in the living room. Several texts from Sophie and Magnus were on her screen. 

_ Just checking on you _ , Sophie’s read from last night.  _ How are you doing? _

Tessa started the coffee maker before curling up on the couch and calling Sophie. 

“Tessa!” Sophie answered.

Tessa smiled. “Hi, Sophie. How are you?”

“Worried about you,” she said. “You came home a mess on Thursday, and I haven’t seen you since yesterday morning. What happened to you?”

Tessa thought about it for a minute. “It’s all very complicated.”

“So is chemistry,” Sophie retorted. “And yet you were able to explain that to me.”

“Fair enough,” Tessa said. She took a deep breath and looked down the hallway to Will’s room even though she knew both of them were still asleep. “Jem kissed me on Thursday,” then she paused and thought about it. “Well, I kissed him. We kissed each other. And he told Will about it that night, and Will kissed Jem. And the three of us spent most of yesterday morning working everything out.”

“And last night,” Sophie pressed. 

Tessa blushed. “We spent most of last night in bed together.”

“You and Will?”

“No,” Tessa shook her head. “All three of us.”

“Tessa!” Sophie exclaimed. 

“We’re making it work. Just taking baby steps,” Tessa interjected quickly.

“A threesome in bed is not a baby step, Tessa,” Sophie remarked, and she heard Magnus’ voice on the other side of the phone. There was some shuffling and Tessa heard Sophie put the phone on speaker. 

“Hi, Magnus,” she said. 

“Hi,” he said shortly. “What is this I’m hearing about you having a threesome?”

“Will, Jem, and I,” she said. “But it isn’t just sex.”

There was a long pause, and Tessa felt herself tense up.  _ Please don’t turn on me _ , she thought.  _ I can’t do this if you turn on me _ . But neither of them accused her of anything. “How does this work,” Magnus asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” Tessa said. “There isn’t exactly a guidebook. We’re all just trying to figure out where we fit in all of this. 

“Okay,” Magnus said. “Let us know if you need anything. Are you staying at their place again tonight?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Probably for the rest of the weekend. I think we just need the time to make sure everyone is okay and to start to set limits.” 

“I’m going to be a mom for a minute,” Sophie warned. “Make sure you’re using protection.”

“Oh my god,” Tessa blushed. 

“Oh, and lube,” Magnus said. “It makes a world of difference. 

“Oh my god,” Tessa repeated. 

Magnus laughed. “They are valid things to remember,” he said. “You don’t need a baby to complicate this further, and lube just helps everything—”

“Okay,” Tessa interrupted him. “I will make sure we use condoms, but please stop talking about this.”

“Just trying to help,” Sophie said, and Tessa could hear the smile in her voice. “But really, please text us if you need anything. Don’t do what you did on Thursday.”

“I can do that. Thank you,” she said, “for everything.”

“Anytime,” Magnus said. “We’ll talk to you later. Enjoy your kinky sex.”

Tessa laughed and said her goodbye. She got up and poured herself a cup of coffee. Instead of going back to bed, she pulled eggs out of the fridge and started making pancakes. She got about halfway through making the batter when Jem emerged, wearing nothing but a pair of sweats. Tessa took a moment to stare. His hair was a mess, and he had a line of bruises along his collarbone. When he smiled at her and walked past her to pour himself a coffee, she noticed a scratch on his back that she didn’t remember leaving. He came to stand next to her and she blushed at him. 

“Good morning,” he said.

She leaned in to press her lips to his in a lingering kiss, but he pulled away too soon. She tilted her head in question. “I feel guilty kissing you without Will here,” he answered. 

She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in to press her body against his. “I don’t. He kisses me when you’re not here.” Jem blushed and looked away. Tessa's smile faded and quickly stepped away from him. She had misread him and crossed a line. “I’m sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable—” she started. 

He cut her off with a kiss. “It’s okay. I’m just not sure where the lines are. Can I help you make breakfast? I can start some bacon.”

He stepped away towards the fridge, but she grabbed his hands. “We’ll figure out the lines together,” she said. When he smiled at her, she kissed him once more. “You’ll have to make the bacon in the oven,” she instructed, and together they made breakfast.

They each were on their second coffee when breakfast was finally done, and Jem sent Tessa to wake up Will while he got plates down from the cupboard. 

Tessa found Will still sprawled out on the bed, and she paused to just admire him. She sat down on the bed next to him and brushed his hair back from his face. He smiled before he opened his eyes. “Mmm,” he murmured. “Good morning.”

She smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. He deepened it and then pulled back. “You taste like coffee and Jem,” he said. 

She laughed. “We made breakfast. It’s all done if you want to come eat.”

“And coffee?” Will said, sitting up and opening his eyes. Tessa lost herself in the blue for a moment. 

“Of course,” she answered. “I don’t think any of us could survive a day without coffee, you least of all.”

Will grinned and stood up, pulling on a pair of pajama pants and a simple gray shirt from the drawer. 

“I like this shirt,” Tessa said, coming to stand next to him. 

“Oh?” he asked. 

Wrapping her arms around him, she nodded. “It’s soft.”

He hugged her back briefly before pulling her out into the kitchen. Jem was pouring a mug of coffee for Will when they stumbled into the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” Jem said, and Will squeezed Tessa’s hand before crossing the room to stand by Jem. Will leaned in and kissed Jem, soft and sweet. 

“Good morning,” Will answered. And they sat down to breakfast. Like their dinner before, the conversation was trivial, but they fell into a comfortable pattern. Tessa felt herself relax into them. It was a near perfect morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter! :)


	31. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Jem spend the morning on the couch and Tessa and Jem plan for their date.

The following week, Jem really did get caught up in homework, and he hardly saw Tessa at all, and the three of them put their relationship aside so that they all could catch up on the studying they missed over the weekend. Tessa didn’t stay over, Will stayed up ridiculously late, Jem woke up ridiculously early, and none of them had much time for having a conversation, let alone working out their relationship. 

On Thursday morning, Tessa texted the two of them and asked for their plans that afternoon. Will and Jem had been sitting in the kitchen studying when they received it. Frowning at his phone, Will looked up at Jem. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jem asked. 

“Because I have plans and I know you are free and I would much rather be with you and Tess than go work on this damn project,” Will replied, leaving his phone open. 

Jem paused for a moment and thought about what Will was saying. This was the first opportunity that Jem and Tessa would have just to themselves, but the look on Will’s face made him worry. “Do you not want me to be with her without you?” he asked, trying his best to keep his tone neutral and open. He and Will needed to be able to have this conversation. 

Will didn’t answer him, opting instead to stare at his phone and then at Jem. Jem could see the words putting themselves together in Will’s head, and then Will’s editing and shifting and deleting. Normally, Jem would have let Will think until he worked out whatever it was that was in his head, but now, he interrupted him. “Your silence is worrying me, Will. Just say what you’re thinking.”

Will took a deep breath. “It’s going to come out as a jumbled mess,” he warned. 

“I don’t care,” Jem said. “I’m not expecting Shakespearean prose at nine in the morning.”

“Do you even know what Shakespearean prose is?”

Jem quirked a smile. “No, but it sounded fancy, and I know you do. Now stop changing the subject and actually tell me what’s going through your head.”

Sighing, Will picked up his phone and played with it in his hands. “My problem is not that you and Tessa would be together without me. I more am just disappointed that I will be preoccupied with this stupid project tomorrow because the idiots I’m working with refuse to do their work by themselves. I’m not— okay, actually I am jealous but more because I want to be there with you, not because I don’t want you to be together. Does that make sense?”   

“We can wait until you’re done with your project and then go out. Or we can meet you somewhere afterward. Whichever you would feel more comfortable with.” Jem said. He reached for Will’s hand, and it felt strange to be holding Will’s hand in both of his. They weren’t the kind of friends who touched a lot, and this was still new, but Will smiled at him anyways. 

“Tell me to ditch this group thing tonight,” Will said, smiling with a dark look in his eyes. 

Jem shook his head. “I won’t do that, William, and you know that.”

Will looked at him for a long moment. “Do you have anything pressing to be doing right now?”

“Not particularly,” Jem said, and as Will’s smile widened, Jem felt the corners of his own lips turn up to match him. “Did you have something in mind?”

Will didn’t answer him in words, but instead, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jem’s. Answering the kiss, Jem leaned forward and nearly stumbled off of his chair. Will laughed. “Come here,” he murmured and pulled Jem onto the couch. 

They started off sitting next to one another, but within a matter of minutes, Jem found himself on his back with Will pressed on top of him. It was an exhilarating feeling to be left at Will’s mercy. Jem’s heart raced in his chest, but it wasn’t fear of betrayal or losing anyone this time. He felt perfectly comfortable. 

He leaned up to kiss Will, and Will indulged him. The kiss was just as much laughter as it was the play of tongue and teeth, and Jem let his hands wander, up under the hem of Will’s shirt, down Will’s arms, and back up again to tangle in his hair. Each time he touched skin, Will smiled against his mouth. “Love you,” Will said as he pulled back for a moment to breathe. “I know it’s crazy and too fast, but I love you.”

Jem grinned up at him. “I love you too, William.”

Their perfect moment was interrupted by Will’s phone ringing on the counter. Will sat up and glared at it. 

Laughing, Jem said. “It could be Tessa. You should answer it.”

“Or it could be any number of horrible people that are not Tessa and that I do not want to answer the phone for,” Will argued, but he got up nonetheless and answered it. By the smile on Will’s face, Jem knew it was Tessa. 

“Hi, Tess,” he said and came back to sit by Jem on the sofa. He put the phone on speaker and Jem leaned his shoulder into Will’s. “Jem and I were talking about plans for tonight,” he said, and Jem colored. Talking was not exactly how Jem would describe what they had been doing. 

“No pressure if you’re busy,” she said quickly. “But I miss you, and Sophie is having someone over for dinner.”

“Tragically, I have a project I need to work on with these idiots in my class,” Will said. 

Jem looked at Will as he spoke. “But I’m free,” he said. “Can I buy you dinner?”

“I’d love that,” Tessa said. “Are you okay with that, Will?” 

Will nodded. “Yes. But I have a request.”

“What is it?” Tessa asked. Jem raised his eyebrows at Will. 

Will smirked. “Bring me home a dessert?”

Tessa laughed. “I’m sure we can manage that,” she said. “Should I wear jeans or a dress, Jem?”

He thought about that question for a minute. “I can take you somewhere where you can wear a dress.” 

“Okay,” she said. “Then I’ll come over around six?”

“I can pick you up,” Jem said. 

They said their goodbyes and Will smirked at Jem. “Where are you going to take her?”

“No idea yet. Probably somewhere downtown, but I’ve got nine hours to figure that out. This is more pressing,” he said and leaned in to press his lips to Will’s again. 

“You’re insatiable,” Will murmured and pressed Jem onto his back. “I have homework I need to do.”

Jem laughed. “But you don’t want to be doing that now.”

“No, definitely not,” Will answered.

By the time they got back to their homework, Jem’s hair was a mess and Will’s lips were bruised. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going through my own finals now, but I should have the next chapter up soon. I've also been focusing on the chapters that are further along in the story, but I'll try to get through the more immediate ones so that I can keep posting. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think of this chapter!


	32. A Fancy Dinner Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jem and Tessa go on their first date without Will.

“What are you doing?” Will asked, poking his head into Jem’s room.

Sighing, Jem looked at the mess of his room. “I don’t know what to wear tonight.”

Will laughed and Jem glared. “You’re taking a pretty girl out to dinner. What would you normally wear for a date?”

Jem sighed again. “I haven’t ever been on a date before, William. Never. I don’t know what to do.”

Will raised an eyebrow. “Was this weekend the first time you…”

“Yeah,” Jem shrugged.

Stepping into the room, Will cleared a space to sit on Jem’s bed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “If I had known, I would have—” he paused. “I don’t know. Lit candles, gotten rose petals, something.” Jem snorted and Will looked up. “What?”

“I didn’t put that much thought into it. And I think if you lit candles, we would have caught the apartment on fire.”

Will ignored the latter statement. “You deserve something fancy.”

“You are unnecessarily romantic,” Jem retorted. “I only needed you and Tess. I was just happy I didn’t fuck it up.”

“Since when do you swear?”

Jem collapsed on the bed. “Since I’m stressing about what to wear tonight like a fourteen-year-old girl. Will you pick something please? You are better at fashion than I am.”

Will laughed and brushed his fingers through Jem’s hair. “I am better at fashion because Ella intervenes whenever something important comes up.”

“Still,” Jem said.

Smiling, Will sorted through the clothes that Jem had pulled out. “What about these pants?” He held up a pair of dark grey slacks.

“Too tight,” Jem protested.

“Try them on anyways. I have a shirt that matches and will fit you.” Will handed the pants to Jem and walked out of the room. Jem sighed once more before standing and putting on the pants. They weren’t that bad, he thought, looking in the mirror. The fit was a little tight, but it was intentionally tight, which Jem had never gotten over and they had been hanging in his closet since he had bought them six months ago.

Will came back in and handed Jem the shirt he had found, a dark blue button up. Jem shed his own shirt and pulled on the one Will gave to him. “Your ass looks great in those,” Will said. “You’re not changing the pants.”

“It’s February, Will,” Jem said. “This shirt is too thin. I’m going to freeze.”

“Gray sweater,” Will said automatically. “Tess loves sweaters, and wear that jacket you have in the back of your closet that you’re pretending isn’t there.”

Jem followed Will’s instructions and looked in the mirror. He was impressed. The sweater helped some of the tightness of the pants and the colors suited him. “Okay,” Jem said, turning around.

“You look sexy,” Will said with a smirk. “I’d fuck you.” Jem blushed and Will laughed. “Pick up this mess you’ve made in case you bring her back here and then go pick up your date.”

Will started to leave the room and Jem grabbed his wrist. “Thank you,” he whispered and kissed Will. “If you finish early, come join us, or we’ll meet somewhere.”

Will shook his head. “No,” he said. “You two need tonight. Tess and I have been on lots of dates. You make sure this is what you want and figure out who you are together without me there. I’ll be here when you get back, or you can go back to her place, but don’t worry about me tonight.”

Jem pressed his forehead to Will’s. “I love you,” Jem said.

Will smiled and pressed his lips to Jem’s. “Love you, too. Now go buy our girlfriend dinner.”

* * *

 

When Jem left, Will texted Tessa. _Jem’s on his way_.

She sent him back three pictures of dresses. _Which one?_ She asked.

Smiling, Will called her. “Hi,” she answered.

“Hi,” he said. “You and Jem both are stressed about what you’re wearing, if it makes you feel better.”

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I would normally ask Sophie, but she went home for the weekend and I can’t decide.”

Putting her on speaker, Will flipped through the photos. “Which one’s the most comfortable for you?”

“They’re all about the same,” she sighed. “I don’t buy them if they’re not comfortable.”

“Fair enough,” he answered. “Jem’s wearing blue if that changes your mind. One of your dresses is the right color.”

“Is it weird to match?” she asked.

“No,” Will said. “You’ve been on dates before. Why are you freaking out?”

“Because all of those dates were ones where I could wear jeans. I haven’t worn a dress on a date before.”

“It’s Jem.” Will said. “He’s not going to leave you for wearing the wrong dress. He’s going to think you’re beautiful in any of them.”

She sighed again. “I’ll go with the blue one then. Do you think he’s going to want to sleep with me tonight?”

“I think that’s up to the two of you, Tess. If it feels like the right thing, then go ahead. If not, don’t force it.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “This is weird to be asking you, isn’t it?”

Will shook his head even though he knew she couldn’t see it. “It’s alright,” he answered. “Don’t worry about me. Take tonight to be with Jem. If this thing with the three of us is going to work, it needs to work in pieces as well as together. I’m going to go work on this damn project and then come home and go to bed. If you want to talk to me, I’m here, but you don’t need to include me in tonight. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Tessa said. “I love you. Text if you need anything.”

“Love you,” Will said. “Enjoy your night, Tess.”

Jem knocked on Tessa’s door and forced himself to take a deep breath. He could do this. Tessa opened the door and smiled shyly at him. “Hi,” she said and hugged him. “You look wonderful.”

“Thanks,” he said. “It’s— um, Will helped.”

“Same here,” she said, looking down at her dress, and an awkward silence followed.

Jem offered her his hand. “Should we go?”

Taking his hand, she smiled at him. He walked her out to his car and she paused. “I didn’t know you had a car.”

“Diplomat parents,” he said, opening the door for her. “It’s technically theirs but they travel too much to use it, so they let me have it when they’re away.”

“It’s nice,” she said. “Where are we going?”

Jem started the engine. “I found this nice place downtown. They kind of have an array of different things. Steak, seafood, pasta— that kind of stuff.”

“Sounds great,” Tessa said and Jem pulled out of the parking garage. “What’s your favorite food?” Jem raised an eyebrow and she laughed. “Don’t judge. I’m not good at icebreakers that don’t feel like icebreakers. It’s either awkward icebreakers or awkward silence.”

“I can do icebreakers,” Jem said. “I like lots of different food. Whenever I travel with my parents, I tried to taste a little of everything.”

“I can tell you were raised by diplomats,” she said.

Jem laughed. “What do you mean?”

“That was such a political non-answer. You barely addressed my question. You just said you like food, which, I believe, is a trait of most people.

“Okay, fine.” He said. “I like seafood a lot. Mussels and salmon the best. I’m not a big fan of lobster.”

“Butter sauce or tomato sauce?” she prompted.

“Tomato, but not rich tomato. Like the light tomato sauces they make with garlic and white wine and I don’t know what else. What about you? What’s your favorite food?”

Tessa paused to think for a minute. “Steak,” she said.

“Really?” Jem asked.

“What? Were you expected a typical girl answer like salad? I don’t actually like salad as a meal. As a side, it’s fine, but a whole salad is too much lettuce.”

“What if you put steak in a salad?” Jem asked.

Tessa laughed. “It’s like putting whipped cream on anchovies. The whipped cream is technically good except when contaminated by anchovies. I more like an actual steak with mashed potatoes and asparagus. It’s something I’m not great at cooking, so it feels like a special occasion when I go out.”

“Fair enough,” Jem said. They had reached the restaurant and Tessa held onto Jem’s hand as they walked in. It was a classically fancy place with dim lighting and white tablecloths with the fake flickering candles as the centerpiece. Tessa smiled at Jem as the hostess led them to a booth by the window.

“You two suit each other really well,” she said. “How long have you been together?”

“Three months,” Tessa said, taking a seat. Jem looked at her and she shrugged.

The hostess smiled at them. “So cute,” she said and handed them their menus.

“Three months?” Jem asked once the hostess had walked away.

Tessa shrugged again. “I feel like it’s been three months. We just didn’t realize it until last week.”

“That’s a very English major thing to say,” Jem answered.

“It’s true,” Tessa said earnestly. “At least, I believe that it’s true. I feel like we’ve been together for a while.”

Jem smiled at her. “Love you,” he said.

“Love you, too,” she laughed, opening her menu and glancing through it. “You should see if they have mussels,” she said. “I’ve never had them.”

“I’ve never had asparagus,” he confessed and she looked up at him. Jem could see her thinking about what she was going to say, could see the editing process almost as clearly as if she were crossing out words with red ink.

“You find something in there with the kind of mussels you like, and I’ll find you something with steak and asparagus, and we’ll order each other’s favorite food.”

Jem smiled. “Okay,” he said.

When the waiter came over to take their order, Jem surprised Tessa by ordering wine for the two of them. Tessa raised her eyebrow at him once the waiter had left. “I turned twenty-one on Tuesday,” he explained.

“Jem!” she said.

“What?” he asked.

“Why didn’t we do anything for your birthday?” she pressed.

He shrugged. “I don’t like to celebrate my birthday. I got a really bad infection when I was growing up, and I spent most of my childhood in and out of the hospital. I was able to function and travel with my parents and go to school, but it would flare up really bad and send me to the hospital for a few weeks. I didn’t feel like my birthday was a big deal then because making it to the next day was a big enough accomplishment. I got better when I was seventeen, some miracle cure thing my body did that confused all of the doctors. That was when I started setting goals for a future and celebrating when I accomplished them. Birthdays never really made it back on that list.” He had told the story while looking at his hands, and when he looked up, Tessa reached across the table. He put his hand in hers. “Sorry. It’s not a great conversation story.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she said and rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand. “I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad. Does Will know?”

“About the infection? Yeah. My lungs never fully healed and I got bronchitis freshman year that put me in the hospital, which freaked him out, so I told him.” Jem paused. “But I never told him about the birthday thing. He’s asked a few times, but I’ve never answered.”

“We’re celebrating your birthday tomorrow,” Tessa said decisively.

“Tess—” he started, but she cut him off by shaking her head.

“No,” she said. “We are celebrating your birthday because it’s important. Growing up, birthdays were always really important to me because it was like turning a page in a book. You can go back and look at what you’ve already written and all of the things you’ve done and how much you’ve grown, but you are also starting anew and can start a new story if you want. I know that’s a very English major thing to say, but I’m not taking no. You can have a day that’s just about you.”

“I don’t like the attention,” he protested.

She smiled. “I don’t either. I promise I won’t take you to any place where they sing and clap, just someplace nice for brunch.”

“Okay,” he gave in. She grinned at him, and the waiter brought over their drinks and food, and they enjoyed the rest of their date talking about school and the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is over two months late. I finished finals and got a full-time job that leaves me with little energy to write, but I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it. As for the actual story, I know it doesn't make sense Jem ordering wine for Tessa because of the age thing I set up, but it was too hard to make it flow otherwise. Let me know what you think of it. :)


	33. Jem and Tessa Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Jem and Tessa's date

“Do you want to go home?” Tessa asked when they were walking to the car. Jem hesitated, and Tessa filled the space. “Go back to my apartment, I mean. If you want to?”

She was blushing and Jem stopped her. They were about a block from where they had parked the car and the air was freezing, but he pulled her to the side anyways. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have when he couldn’t meet her eyes. “What are you proposing, Tess?”

“That we go back to my apartment,” she said and took a deep breath. “And do things that I don’t want to say out loud in a public place.”

Jem smiled, “I’d like that.”

Tessa pulled him in for a kiss and she kept it slow, an exploration rather than a rush of emotions. She pulled away all too soon. “Let’s go home,” she whispered. 

The drive home was slightly awkward. They talked about inconsequential things, but neither of them really had their mind on the conversation. Jem worried about being with Tessa without Will, both in terms of upsetting their relationship and in terms of his lack of experience. The last time they were together, he had gotten by with Will being there. Whenever Jem had paused in uncertainty, Will had pulled Tessa’s attention back to him while Jem figured out what he was doing. There wouldn’t be a way to hide that from her this time. Having Will, something familiar and easy, was a safety net, something to catch him if he messed up. Doing this without him sent nervous energy through his whole body. 

“James?” Tessa broke him out of his train of thought. “Are you okay?”

They had reached the parking lot for her building and were still sitting in the car. Jem hadn’t even realized. “Yeah, fine,” he said. 

She frowned at him. “That’s not true. What are you thinking about?”

Jem paused and she brushed his back from his forehead. She let him think about how he wanted to say what he was thinking. “I’m not good at this,” he started. “This is new for me. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“With a relationship or with sex?” she asked. 

“With sex,” Jem answered. “I haven’t really been with anyone else.”

Tessa leaned back and thought for a second. “Freshman year, I had this boyfriend. I thought he was so cool. He was a senior in business and we had been together for about a month. I had heard a few people talking when went to parties and things about how lucky I was because he was great in bed.” She paused and gave a short laugh. “It was so dumb. We were at his place and it was very clear that sex was his intention. He sent his roommate away for the night, he had made like the stereotypical sex meal with chocolate strawberries and everything. And I remember thinking, like ‘oh, this will be nice.’”

“And?” Jem prompted. 

Tessa laughed. “It was terrible sex. I didn’t really care about him and he didn’t really care about me, and so it was short and emotionless and just shitty sex. Fifteen minutes of boring thrusting and just awful. He didn’t care about me orgasming at all, and I couldn’t believe everyone had talked about how great he was. I mean, he was hot, but he was horrible in bed because it was all about getting him off and he could have cared less if I moved or not. It truly fit the joke of women laying back and thinking of England.”

“What’s your point?” Jem asked. He wasn’t sure what to make of his story. 

“My point,” Tessa said, “is that he was supposed to have slept with all of these girls and been so great in bed because everyone on campus wanted to sleep with him. But in the end, it was terrible because there wasn’t any emotion involved. And I can guarantee that any sex with you will be a million times better than anyone else I’ve slept with.”

“Except for Will,” he said. 

She reached for his hand. “Will is not just someone else, and you know that because you’re just as in love with him as I am. Are you worried that I am going to up and leave because you haven’t slept with half of campus?” 

“I’m not sure,” Jem said, and it was true. “I’m worried that it won’t be good for you, and I’m worried that Will isn’t here.”

“I’m not worried about it not being good,” she said. “The first time with Will was great, but then the second time was even better because we kind of figured out what each other liked and didn’t, but the basis of wanting to be with him was what made it so good, not Will’s skills in bed. It’s a learning process to go from good to better to amazing, and we’ll just take it slow and figure each other out.” 

“Okay,” Jem said. 

Tessa pulled out her phone and checked the time. “Will is probably home by now. I’m going to call him and tell him what we’re thinking if that’s okay?”

Jem nodded and held her hand. She dialed Will’s number and put the call on speaker. Will picked up after a few rings. “What?” he answered. His voice was groggy and angry, and Tessa raised her eyebrows at Jem.

“Hi,” she said. “Were you sleeping?”

“Yeah,” he said, and Jem could hear his voice soften as he started to wake up more. “Sorry. How are you?”

“I’m good. Sorry I woke you.” 

“It’s okay,” Will said. “I needed to get up. I fell asleep on the couch.”

“How was your project?” 

Will laughed. “As terrible as I thought it would be, but at least there was free food. How was your date?”

“It was great,” Tessa said. “Jem’s here. We’re at my apartment. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes,” Will said immediately. “For all of the reasons I told you earlier, but also, I am exhausted and despite how enticing and exciting you both are, I would probably fall asleep in the middle of whatever you two are planning.” 

Jem smiled. “Are you sure, William?”

“God, yes. I am falling asleep talking to you. I’ll see you two in the morning.”

Tessa smiled up at Jem. “Wait, Will. You and I are talking Jem out to brunch tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he said. “As an ‘I just slept with you and want to show that I’m not an ass’ brunch or what?”

“Because he turned twenty-one on Tuesday and neglected to tell us,” Tessa explained. 

“James!” Will said. “I have been trying to figure out when your birthday is for the past three years.”

“I ordered wine,” Jem said. “I slipped up.”

“We definitely are taking you out tomorrow. You two text me when you get up and I will do some research on brunch places. Tess, you’re the only one with class on Friday. Are you planning on going?”

“No,” she said. “He canceled, so I am free all day.”

“Perfect!” Will said. “Then I’ll talk to you two tomorrow.”

Tessa laughed and they said their goodbyes. “Are you ready to go upstairs?” Tessa asked as she ended the call.

Jem took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

She smiled at him and they got out of the car. She stayed close to him as they walked up to her apartment. She started with little touches, her fingers intertwined with his as they walked through the lobby, her head on his shoulder in the elevator. Jem forced himself to relax into her. When she unlocked the door and pulled him into the apartment, he helped take the jacket off her shoulders and hung it up in the closet along with his. 

“You haven’t been here before,” she said. “I just realized.”

Jem shook his head. “I haven’t. It looks like you. 

“Too many books and gray furniture and throw pillows?” she smiled at him.

Jem smiled back at her. “Soft and cozy and inviting,” he said. 

Tessa walked back over to him and looped her arms gently on his shoulders. She didn’t kiss him yet, though he was expecting it. Instead, she studied him carefully. “What are you expecting?” she said, and he raised his eyebrows in question. “I guess, what do you like, what do you not like, what are lines I shouldn’t cross?”

Jem shrugged. “I don’t know really. I haven’t thought about it much. What are your lines?”

“Nothing in my ass,” Tessa said bluntly without pause, startling a laugh out of Jem. It was such an unexpected response that he leaned into her to smother his laughter a bit. It broke the tension that had been building since they left the restaurant. 

“Is there a story to go along with that?” he asked. 

She was smiling softly up at him, happy to see the tension leave him. “Freshman year. Same boyfriend as before. I know some people like that, and I don’t judge if you do, but it was just strange and uncomfortable with him. No butt stuff tonight. Maybe in a few months, but not tonight.”

Jem was still laughing. “He was a terrible boyfriend,” he said. 

“He was,” Tessa said, picking up on Jem’s laughter. “And you know what was worse than the shitty sex? He constantly made grammar errors. It drove me crazy.”

“Noted,” Jem said. “Nothing in your ass and no mistaken commas or split infinitives.”

Tessa pressed in closer to him, aligning her body so that they were pressed tightly together. She used her hands behind his head to guide his mouth down to hers in a slow kiss that Jem couldn’t quite keep up with, and Tessa could still feel the laughter on his lips. She pulled back just enough to talk to him. “You tell me what you want,” she said. “If you want to stop or slow down, tell me, and we’ll figure it out, okay?”

“I love you,” Jem said as a response. His eyes met hers and he felt her smile more than he saw it. 

“I love you,” she whispered and kissed him again. She started off gently, a simple kiss that they repeated over and over, missing any of the depth of tongue and teeth. She moved slowly, pressing her body into his and gently running her fingers through his hair. Tessa lost herself in the kiss, feeling the warmth of him and his hands on her hips. It was very different from kissing Will, Tessa thought. When Will kissed slowly, it was like baring his soul to her, a crashing down of walls and a pure expression of emotions and love put into a conversation of kisses. With Jem, she thought, it was more of a request, like wading into the sea one step at a time. He was nervous and not ready to dive in, but he was closer. She could feel the same emotions that Will had, but Jem was so reserved around people. He cared for others and gave all of his energy to them, but he rarely put himself in a state of vulnerability where others could take care of him. Tessa pulled back to breathe and they stood there for a while, eyes closed and wrapped up in the moment. 

When Jem leaned in to kiss her again, he did so no less slowly, but deeper. He pressed his tongue gently against hers, and she responded in kind. Keeping the kiss slow and gentle, but now deeper.  _ One more step into the sea _ , she thought. Tessa could feel the warmth flowing through her body, pooling in her stomach. His teeth grazed her lower lip and she gasped. She felt the smallest of smiles on his lips as he turned his head and kissed her deeper. She returned it, her teeth grazing his lip and he moaned, his hands tightening on her hips and wrinkling her dress. 

She brought her hands slowly from his shoulders to his chest down to the hem of his sweater. “Can I take this off?” she murmured, and he nodded. She wasn’t much closer to touching his bare skin, but now she could feel the warmth of him better. “I want to take you to bed,” she said.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. “Okay,” he said. And kissed her once more before letting her pull him down the hallway. She kept her hand intertwined with his and when they got to her room, he held both of her hands in his, palms pressed together, fingers intertwined. She leaned up to kiss him again but waited for him to kiss her. He pressed his mouth to hers and she kissed him back deeply. Without breaking the kiss, she led him to the bed. For a moment, they stood there kissing, but when she pulled away to get on the bed, she forgot she had worn heels and stumbled for a moment. Jem caught her and laughed. “I never understood heels,” he said. 

“You should take them off,” she said. 

Jem raised his eyebrows before kneeling down in front of her. He ran his hand slowly down the outside of her thigh all the way down to her ankle. Carefully, he undid the clasp and pulled the shoe off, setting it gently down next to the nightstand before moving on to the other. He looked up at her, and Tessa felt a rush of desire. It made her possessive. He was beautiful and kind and hers. He was hers. She ran her fingers through his hair as she smiled at him. He was smoothing his hands up and down her leg, from her ankle slowly up to the back of her thigh, just above her knee and just below her dress.  

He stood up slowly and kissed her again, deep and not as slow as everything else. He pressed his body in close to her and she could feel how hard he was against her stomach. She slowed the kiss down and he followed. When he pulled away to breathe, he slid his finger under the strap of her dress. “I want to take this off,” he whispered. Nodding, she turned around so he could reach the zipper and gathered her hair over one shoulder. 

Jem stepped in close and kissed her shoulder before pulling the zipper down and gently taking off her dress. It left her in a bra and a pair of panties that didn’t hide much while he was still fully dressed. Jem kept his hands on her hips as he pressed slow kisses down her neck until he reached her shoulder and sucked on her skin, leaving a bruise like she had on him before and making her gasp. When he finished, she turned back to face him, keeping her body low and tight to his. He looked guilty now that she was facing him. 

“I love you,” she said and kissed him briefly before pulling away. Keeping eye contact, she slowly undid the buttons on his shirt. As she undid the last button, she pushed the fabric off of his chest and shoulders. With his shirt off, she pulled him up onto the bed and they lay facing each other. She ran her hand down his chest and brushed her fingers over a scar just below his ribs. There was a tattoo covering it, and when she looked up at him, he could see the questions on her face. 

“I needed surgery for some fancy medical treatment that I never really understood, but it was dangerous and left a scar. My mom came into my room before I went into surgery and I remember she was crying. She told me that it was okay if I didn’t want to do it, if I wanted to stop fighting, as long as it brought me peace. But that if I did fight it, I would need to be strong to recover. I was twelve and I didn’t really understand it then, but when I finally got better and wasn’t sick anymore, I got that tattoo. Peace and strength.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Tessa said quietly. 

Jem shook his head. “I’m not. I am who I am now because of it.”

“I love you,” she said. 

He smiled and kissed her gently. “I love you,” he whispered against her lips. As they kissed, Tessa slowly adjusted them so that he lay on top of her. Telling Tessa the story of his tattoo had broken down any last reservations he had. It didn’t matter that he was clumsy unclasping her bra or that he had to shift awkwardly away in order to take off his pants. It was about being there with Tessa in the moment. 

By the time he might have started to become uneasy, she was rolling the condom on and he was sliding inside her. When he was all the way in, he stopped for a moment and just let the sensations wash over him. Her legs wrapped around his hips, her hand running gently up and down his spine, the feeling of being inside her, warm and wet. 

She kissed his neck and he started to move slowly. She gasped and he looked up to make sure he hadn’t hurt her. Shaking her head, she kissed him once and then buried her face into his shoulder. He thrust in again, not pulling all the way out, but pressing all the way in on every thrust. She gasped every time he pressed in and with her encouragement, he went a little faster. He experimented with shifting his hips and found an angle that made her grab tighter on to him. 

“Right there,” she murmured in his ear. 

He kissed her cheek, her forehead, her shoulder any place he could reach. “Can I go harder?” he asked, and she nodded. Adjusting them so that their fingers were laced together, Jem checked with her once more before he started to thrust harder and deeper. 

“Oh, god, yes,” Tessa moaned. She moved her hips in time with his and it let him slide in further and at the right angle. He felt himself get closer and closer to his orgasm, and with Tessa moaning in his ear, he knew that she was closer than he was. “Please, Jem, yes,” she moaned again, eyes closed and breathing heavy. He felt her muscles clench and stutter around him and that drove him over the edge. 

“Oh my god,” he moaned as he thrust in a few final times. 

For a moment, they both just caught their breath and regained their senses. “I love you,” she whispered in his ear. 

“Love you, too,” he answered before pulling himself off of her so that he could lay next to her instead. She grabbed a blanket they had knocked off of the bed and used it to cover them as she snuggled into him. Jem cuddled in closer to her and fell asleep pressed in close to her body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I’ve written and I’m really happy with it. I think I rushed the ending so I might go back and rewrite that part, but I really loved writing this from Jem’s POV and exploring some of his past. Let me know what you thought of it. :)


	34. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Jem and Tessa's night together.

Jem woke up slowly the next morning. The sun had started to stream in through the curtains on the window, and somewhere a window must have been open because the room was chilly, but Tessa still lay asleep on her stomach next to him. Gently, he pulled the blanket back up to cover her from the cold. Tessa stirred slightly and shifted, but didn’t wake. 

Getting out of bed, he pulled on his pants and went to find the phone that he had left in his jacket pocket. It was still early, he realized. He wanted to call Will and talk to him, but Will was a heavy sleeper and likely wouldn’t even hear his phone ring until eight. He made his way back to Tessa’s room and got back into bed with her. This time, when she felt the bed move, she woke up and smiled at him. He leaned in to kiss her, and she smiled through the kiss. 

“Good morning,” he said. 

“Mmm,” she answered sleepily. She pressed into him and he snuggled back under the blankets with her. “You have pants on,” she said. “When did you put pants on?”

Jem laughed. “Just a few minutes ago. I went to get my phone from the living room and didn’t want to be naked if Sophie was up.”

Tessa smiled, “Sophie went home for the weekend.”

“Still,” Jem said. “It’s weird to walk around someone else’s home without pants.”

“Will you take them off now that you’re in my room?”

Grinning, Jem kissed her. “Is that the new policy? No pants allowed in the bedroom?”

Tessa giggled. “Yes. It’s very strictly enforced. If you have pants, you can’t have sex.”

“Is that what you were planning this morning?” Jem asked carefully.

Tessa paused. They had been teasing before, but now she actually thought about it. “No,” she said. “I’m still sore from last night.”

“I’m sorry,” Jem said. 

Tessa kissed him. “Don’t be. I’m not sorry. I enjoyed last night very much. Will doesn’t usually go as deep as you did, so it’s an adjustment to make, but it wasn’t bad at all. My body just wasn’t used to it, so I am sore this morning.”

“I love you,” Jem answered. He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he just pressed in closer to her and kissed her again. 

“I love you,” Tessa murmured against his lips. Without breaking the kiss, she adjusted so she was on top of him, her knees on either side of his hips. “We’ll get to the sex again later, but I’m not quite ready yet.”

“That’s okay,” he said. He ran his hands gently up and down her thighs and kissed her. There was something different about this kiss. It wasn’t a preface to sex. Instead, Jem felt his walls coming down in a different way. He wanted to be here, with Tessa, without any reservations, and she wanted him. The fears and insecurities that normally crept into his head and guided his behavior disappeared. It was just about him and Tessa and their desire to be together. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, caught in gentle kisses and morning sunlight and soft sheets, but they were interrupted by Tessa’s phone buzzing on the nightstand next to him a moment before his buzzed in his pocket. 

Tessa reached for hers first. “It’s Will,” she said, sitting up. “He texted both of us to see if we were up.”

Jem still had his hands on her thighs. “Do you want to go get breakfast?”

Tessa made an agreeable noise but didn’t answer him in words as she responded to Will. When she finished texting him, she set her phone down next to them on the bed and looked back at Jem. 

“I told him we would pick him up in half an hour. I figured you might want to change and I need to shower. I’m still a mess from last night.”

“Probably,” Jem said, although the response didn’t really fit what she had said. 

“What?” Tessa asked. “You’re distracted.”

“You’re beautiful,” he answered. 

She laughed. “I’m hot and sweaty from last night. I need to shower.”

Jem sat up and kissed her. “Still beautiful,” he murmured. 

“So are you,” she said and kissed him back for a minute. “Now get up. We need to go pick up our boyfriend, and if we are late, he will spend the afternoon whining.”

Jem smiled at her because he knew that Will would do that and loved that she did as well. Slowly, he dragged himself out of bed and did as she said.

* * *

 

Will usually went to bed late and slept in until unreasonable hours the next day, but the night before, he had fallen asleep uncharacteristically early, so he found himself awake by six and lost with what to do with himself. He made coffee and read, but he only managed to kill about an hour and a half of time. He sent a text to both Jem and Tessa.  _ Are you two up for breakfast? _

Tessa texted back almost immediately.  _ Pick you up in half an hour? _

_ Can’t wait _ , he responded. 

Thirty minutes later, Jem and Tessa came through the door, laughing and pressed together. They both smiled at Will as they saw him and Jem kissed him briefly as he made his way to down the hall to the shower. Tessa came to sit next to Will on the couch and he grinned at her. “You’re glowing,” he teased. “Was the sex that good?”

“It was amazing,” she said. “You should try it.”

Will laughed, “maybe I will. Do you have any plans tonight?”

“No,” she said. “I got all of my homework done yesterday.”

“Then can I participate in the activities tonight?” Will said. “I am very happy you two had last night, and I could not have done anything exciting, but I missed you.”

Tessa leaned in and kissed him. “Of course.”


	35. Sophie's Advice

“You’re worrying,” Sophie said from where she sat next to Tessa on the sofa. They had been doing homework in silence, and Tessa didn’t think anything about her behavior had changed, but Sophie picked up on everything.

“I am not worrying,” Tessa countered, not looking up from her notes.

Sophie persisted. “You are. You haven’t written anything down for the past five minutes. Is it homework or your boyfriends?”

Sighing, Tessa set her pen down but didn’t answer Sophie’s question. “Put your notes away,” Sophie said, closing her laptop. “I’m making some tea and we are going to talk through whatever worry you are pretending not to have.

Smiling, Tessa did as she asked. “When you become a fancy psychologist, are you going to charge me for all of this therapy?”

Laughing from the kitchen, Sophie answered. “Absolutely not. Magnus and I would have to split the profit. We have a system. Did you know that? Whenever you have a problem, I talk through it with you first, and we drink tea, and then within a few days, he takes you off campus somewhere and reinforces what I said. Catarina was in the group chat, too, but she’s too far away at the moment to do her part of that plan.”

“Do I have so many problems that there needs to be a system?” Tessa asked. She ran through the past few times she had asked Sophie for help, and sure enough, within a day or two, Magnus had shown up, usually with some form of alcohol.

Sophie came back into the living room with two cups of tea. Handing one to Tessa, she curled up in the corner of the sofa. “Not really. Magnus, Catarina, and I took that one psych class together last year, and we used you as an experiment. It just worked so well that we kept it going.”

“Sophie, we have a rule that you can’t run psych experiments on me,” Tessa said.

Sophie grinned. “The rule came after that experiment, I promise, but you’re changing the subject. What are you worrying about?”

Tessa shook her head, “Right now? That you and Magnus use me as your psychology guinea pig.”

“We usually don’t do it that often, and in psychology, it’s usually rats and mice, not guinea pigs. What’s worrying you actually?”

Tessa took a deep breath. “Spring break is in three weeks.” She paused, but Sophie didn’t fill the silence, so she continued. “And Will wants Jem and I to go home with him to meet his family.”

“As friends?” Sophie asked.

Tessa shook her head. “No. He wants to explain our whole relationship in person with Jem and me there.”

“Why are you worrying about that?” Sophie prompted.

Tessa gave her a look. “Why would I not be worrying about it? I have never had a boyfriend where I have needed to meet his parents, so I have no idea what to do in even a normal relationship, and I’m worried they won’t like me. Mostly, though, I am worried about it being awkward. What do I say to them? ‘Hi, Jem and I have weekly kinky threesomes with your son? Please accept me into your family?’”

Sophie laughed. “No, Tessa, you do not say that. You and Will have been together, what? Five months? I think his parents can generally assume that sex is a part of that relationship, but your relationship is more than just sexual. You love him, he loves you, and Jem is a new addition to that same relationship. This isn’t just some one night stand, Tessa. He wants you to meet his family because he is intending for this to last a while.”

“I know,” Tessa sighed. “I just wish he would give them the news over the phone first so that I had a general gauge of how they will react.”

“So tell Will that. Tell him that you’re nervous and it is stressing you out. He knows his family, so he has a gauge of how they will react, and he probably isn’t worrying as much as you are.” Tessa didn’t answer. “There’s more to this, isn’t there?”

Drinking her tea, Tessa thought about how to explain what was actually worrying her. She had lost her family, her entire family, in the span of a week. Nate had died, and she had promised herself that she wouldn’t talk to her aunt again, so she wouldn’t ever have to introduce Will and Jem to them formally, but she still held onto the stress of what they would have thought. Nate probably wouldn’t have cared. For him, relationships were not about love and commitment, it was an exchange. He always wanted some reward, usually money or popularity, from them, and the other person simply should be honored that they could be in his presence, that he had chosen them as one of the lucky few worthy of his company. Nate would have been happy that Tessa had two boyfriends because it meant there were two more people he could con for money.

Her aunt had a very traditional viewpoint. Tessa’s goal in having a relationship should have been about obtaining financial security for both herself and her family, and marriage and children were a way of tying that person to you so that your security and status were assured. Neither view was one that Tessa agreed with, but the family responsibility and the pressure of failing still haunted Tessa. Tessa worried over what her aunt would have said to her. Her aunt would have undoubtedly called her a slut and threatened Tessa with an afterlife in hell as punishment for being with two men. Tessa had spent years distancing herself from that mindset and convincing herself that her aunt was wrong about her. She truly believed that her relationship with Will and Jem was the right thing to do, but the idea of what she and Will and Jem had being called dirty and disgraceful still filled her with guilt.  

Sophie interrupted her thoughts. Gently, she said, “His family is not your family, Tessa. That’s what this is about?”

Tessa nodded. “I know that the likelihood of them reacting the way my aunt and brother would have is extremely small, but it’s still a possibility, and I don’t know if I could cope with that. The whole reason I was able to distance myself from my aunt’s beliefs was to single her out as the only person I would encounter who thought the way she did. And it doesn’t make sense to look at everyone else assuming they are wrong and my aunt alone is right. If Will’s family reacts that way, then everything falls apart.”

“I can tell you that it isn’t a possibility. Jem met your aunt at Nate’s funeral. He saw the way she treated you and how that impacted you. If he felt in any way that Will’s family would react the way your aunt would have, he would not agree to this trip.”

Tessa took a shaky breath, “I know.”

“You know who you are,” Sophie continued. “You are strong and brave and kind, and those are things that your aunt can’t take away from you. This relationship isn’t wrong, Tessa. You know that. Will and Jem know that. That is all that matters. You have to do what you feel is right, and you are not in control of other people’s beliefs. This is not a normal relationship, so not everyone will be supportive of it. You need to be aware of that, but it doesn’t mean that it is wrong. You should meet Will’s family and just see what they think. It could go horribly wrong, but have you let yourself consider it going perfectly well? From what I can tell, Will loves his family, so you may gain a new supportive family of your own, someone to spend Christmas with and call if you need help. I think you should give Will’s family more credit than you are. You should still tell Will that you are worried, but you can’t go through your life assuming everyone will be as bad as your aunt.”

“I can do that,” Tessa said.

“Problem solved?” Sophia asked, sipping her tea.

Smiling, Tessa said, “yes. Does that mean I should be expecting Magnus in the next few days?”

Sophie laughed. “Probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am realizing now that the whole timeline for this story (especially in the next round of events once the characters go through April) is very hurried, but I thought that more transition chapters would slow the plot too much. Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Thanks for reading! :)


	36. Tessa's Worries

Will started toying with his watch before the plane even took off. He flipped the clasp open and shut it again, loosened it enough to spin it around his wrist and then tightened it so that it fit properly. When he got bored of playing with his watch, he moved on to bouncing his knee up and down. It was both immensely endearing and incredibly annoying. It was a long flight followed by an hour drive. They were only twenty minutes in, and Will couldn’t sit still. His anxious tics were driving Jem out of his mind. He knew it was how Will dealt with anxiety, but his release of tension was filling Jem with worse anxiety than his own. 

Gently, Jem placed his hand on Will’s knee so that at least he wasn’t shaking the seats. 

“Sorry,” Will said. Jem smiled at him and let his hand rest on Will’s thigh. Will stopped bouncing his knee, but he started tapping his fingers on the armrest he shared with Tessa instead. The pilot made an announcement that Jem didn’t pay attention to, but as soon as it was over, Tessa grabbed her bag. Pulling out a notebook and a pen, she handed them to Will. 

“Do something,” she said. “Write, scribble, doodle. You need to do something with your hands that does not make me feel more anxious than I already am.”

There was a bite in her tone that Jem hadn’t heard before. He had heard Tessa yelling at her aunt, but this wasn't anger. It was a mix of exasperation and anxiety, and it made Will go completely still. 

“Sorry,” he said again. 

She reached for his hand. “It’s okay, but I will have a breakdown by the time we land if you keep tapping. Why are you this anxious?”

“I’m not,” Will said, and Jem frowned at him. “Not about my parents, anyway. My professor posted the grade for an essay where I took more creative liberty than I probably should have, and I am unable to see it. That’s what is giving me anxiety.”

Tessa relaxed. Jem could see the tension now that he hadn’t seen before. It was a quiet sort of tension, one that she hid very well. Will held her hand a little tighter. “You’re anxious,” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Tessa said. “I don’t know. I haven’t done this before, and this is not exactly an easy place to start. Not that I don’t want to meet your parents, but I feel like we’re skipping from picture books to Shakespeare.”

“What does that mean?” Will asked. 

Taking a deep breath, she squeezed Will’s hand. I don’t have any clue on how to meet someone’s parents. I haven’t ever done it, not just with the few boyfriends that I had but with friends, too. I’ve never gone home with someone where I have had to meet their parents. I don’t know what the protocol is. I don’t know what happens at all. I am going from not being able to read to reading Shakespeare, and I am overwhelmed.”

“Will’s dad,” Jem started, “Edmund, probably won’t be that difficult. He’s very nice, and he’ll want to know who you are and what your general interests are, but he won’t ask any hard questions. Cecily will just be happy to have someone who is not Will in the house, and you will probably get along with her great. She will bring you into her arguments with Will in order to show that she is right. She’s a little bit blunt and intimidating, but she isn’t rude or mean, and she will remember everything you say, not to use against you, but to tease Will with.” Jem paused, and Tessa took a deep breath. “His mom, Linette, is the nicest woman you will ever meet. She basically adopts anyone that Will brings home. She will want to know everything about you, why you chose your major, where you grew up, what you want to do with your life. Ella is pretty similar to her mom.” 

Will held both of her hands in his, and Jem watched her walls slowly come down. “I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t think it would go well, Tess. I am not anticipating chaos and tension. I think there might be a little bit of awkwardness, but you don’t have to be there when I explain it to them. They know that you and I have been dating since November, and they know that Jem is my friend. Ella will be there, and she will mediate if necessary, but I truly don’t think that will happen. My mom will love you, and like Jem said, she will basically adopt you. I think she would worry about what we are doing, not because she will think it is wrong but because she wants to make sure we are all happy with it. Ella is already supportive. My dad will either be totally neutral or supportive. Cecily is the one I am worried about, but not for you. She will tease me endlessly and ask four hundred questions, but she won’t call this wrong.”

Tessa took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”

“Are you okay?” Will asked. “Truly?”

Tessa shook her head. “Not really, but I am building it all up in my head. I keep—” she paused. “My aunt would not react well to this at all. She would call me a slut and say that I am the disgrace of the family and will end up in hell, and I truly do not think that your family will do that, but I just can’t shake that feeling. I don’t think I will be able to until it happens. I just need to not have a panic attack before we get there.”

Will wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she tucked her head against his chest. “Tell me how you’re feeling,” he said and kissed her forehead. “If you are overwhelmed or need a break, let me know, and we can go somewhere else for a few hours.” Tessa nodded against his chest and took a deep breath. “You, too, James,” Will continued. “I know you’ve met my parents before, but this is a different thing. If you need an out or a break, tell me.” 

Jem reached for his hand, lacing his fingers together with Will’s. Jem was just as nervous as Tessa was. He didn’t hold the weight that she did, but telling Will’s family meant Jem would have to tell his parents, too, and that was a conversation he wasn’t quite ready to have. He loved his parents. They were supportive and kind, but they were far away. When Jem had gone to college, they had both occupied their time with more work, sometimes traveling to six different countries in a month, leaving little time for Jem to reconnect with them. His parents knew about Will and had briefly met him when they helped move Jem in, but he hadn’t told them about Tessa at all.  He didn’t have any idea how they would react, and so he kept pushing the conversation off. 

He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet, so he put it out of his mind. For the rest of the flight, he just held Will’s hand and put away thoughts of the future. 

 

 


End file.
